Where to start with a change?

[Brutal555]

How to actually start changing my life? When I find flaws in almost everything: in the way i think, the way I behive, the way I live, where to actually start?

Now, I'm a 20 years old guy, I don't smoke, don't use drug or anything like that, all I pretty much do is sit at this bloody computer and waste my time. I had my first job about 4 months ago as a waiter, and I can tell you am one clumsy pu*sy who gets one hell of an anxiety everytime I see my boss. And everywhere I'm seen as a serious guy who doesn't get any jokes and keeps everything for himself.

The thing is, I feel like I'm missing out so much, like I've never done anything to build my lifetime experience about everyday things, now I know that I should JUST START DOING THEM but that's easier said than done. Now the thing I really am asking you guys to try and help me with is this: how do I, in the best and in the way that makes most sense, start breaking this never-ending loop of being a worthless man full with hopes and wishes for better days? How do I gain back the confidence I used to have last year for a very short time. I couldn't even recognize myself back in those days. I initiated conversations, didn't feel fear, didn't feel anxiety, I actually wanted to interact with everyone and everything.

Hope someone's got a piece of advice for me.

[Batya33]

Here are steps I would take.

 

Tonight put out workout clothes depending on where you are going to power walk or run (indoor/outdoor, whatever). Tomorrow morning get up and put those clothes on right away. No checking computer. Have a bottle of cold water ready in the fridge -at least 16 ounces, 24 is better. Also if you have earbuds and a phone have a podcast downloaded tonight you'd like to listen to that is at least 30 minutes long. Whatever you like. Then - go outside (unless you have a treadmill or can go to a gym that is open at that time) and time yourself. Walk briskly or run for at least 30 minutes. Try to do it at a pace of a 15-20 minute mile (just figure it out by where you are walking -estimate -or maybe find an app tonight on your phone that tracks your pace but keep it really simple). Work yourself as hard as you can for those 30 minutes. Sweat is good! When you get home shower if you feel like it and if you are hungry eat a healthy breakfast and finish the water/have more if you can -hydration. When you are done eating give yourself a few minutes to surf the computer then get up and spend 15-30 minutes tackling one decluttering or cleaning related situation. Something where after that 15-20 minutes you can see you made a dent in it -a good dent.

 

Make sure you refill that water bottle so that you're taking in at least 64 ounces of water over the course of the day.

 

So that's a good start to your day - that will help motivate you for what is ahead (and I also suggest Weill's 4-7-8 breathing method -start practicing it a few times a day -great for anxiety or feeling overwhelmed).

 

I also would look into the local toastmasters in your area and a volunteer activity - like backstage community theater- where you interact with people and build or paint or do something physical.

 

Then choose one 15-30 minute activity every day that has to do with finding a job. It can be compiling a list of people to contact, working on your CV, etc. I have a call on Friday with a friend's daughter -she's 25 and has gotten off track with her career plans and knows I am good at revising resumes but she told me she just needs a pep talk for now. So you're not alone, it happens and it's ok.

 

Write down your list of plans for the day in bullet points on a post-it where you can see it. I'd share mine but it's so incredibly boring and pathetic at this stage in my life (because I'd forget all those mundane things!). Check off each item you accomplish or cross it out or something.

 

Do not try to tackle too much or you'll make excuses. I strongly suggest the first thing in the morning cardio plus hydration as the way to start your day when you're feeling this way.

[Brutal555]

Here are steps I would take.

 

Tonight put out workout clothes depending on where you are going to power walk or run (indoor/outdoor, whatever). Tomorrow morning get up and put those clothes on right away. No checking computer. Have a bottle of cold water ready in the fridge -at least 16 ounces, 24 is better. Also if you have earbuds and a phone have a podcast downloaded tonight you'd like to listen to that is at least 30 minutes long. Whatever you like. Then - go outside (unless you have a treadmill or can go to a gym that is open at that time) and time yourself. Walk briskly or run for at least 30 minutes. Try to do it at a pace of a 15-20 minute mile (just figure it out by where you are walking -estimate -or maybe find an app tonight on your phone that tracks your pace but keep it really simple). Work yourself as hard as you can for those 30 minutes. Sweat is good! When you get home shower if you feel like it and if you are hungry eat a healthy breakfast and finish the water/have more if you can -hydration. When you are done eating give yourself a few minutes to surf the computer then get up and spend 15-30 minutes tackling one decluttering or cleaning related situation. Something where after that 15-20 minutes you can see you made a dent in it -a good dent.

 

Make sure you refill that water bottle so that you're taking in at least 64 ounces of water over the course of the day.

 

So that's a good start to your day - that will help motivate you for what is ahead (and I also suggest Weill's 4-7-8 breathing method -start practicing it a few times a day -great for anxiety or feeling overwhelmed).

 

I also would look into the local toastmasters in your area and a volunteer activity - like backstage community theater- where you interact with people and build or paint or do something physical.

 

Then choose one 15-30 minute activity every day that has to do with finding a job. It can be compiling a list of people to contact, working on your CV, etc. I have a call on Friday with a friend's daughter -she's 25 and has gotten off track with her career plans and knows I am good at revising resumes but she told me she just needs a pep talk for now. So you're not alone, it happens and it's ok.

 

Write down your list of plans for the day in bullet points on a post-it where you can see it. I'd share mine but it's so incredibly boring and pathetic at this stage in my life (because I'd forget all those mundane things!). Check off each item you accomplish or cross it out or something.

 

Do not try to tackle too much or you'll make excuses. I strongly suggest the first thing in the morning cardio plus hydration as the way to start your day when you're feeling this way.

Would powerwalking do it for a start? You see, my biggest coping mechanism was going for a walk with headphones in my head. And also, going alone in public to run? That's out of my comfort zone, I am aware of that and my brain instantly comes up with excuses not to do it.

And having a to-do daily list is something I've heard. Does it really works and helps you motivate for actually doing something and making a proper change?

[Batya33]

So - sure powerwalking is fine - but isn't that in public too? Key is to do it first thing in the morning IMO.

 

I have to have a to do list because I have multiple responsibilities but it also keeps me on the straight and narrow. Yes, just like a sticker chart for kids, checking things off is a big motivator -just make sure the list is in easy baby steps!

[DancingFool]

Yes, a to do list keeps you focused. Not just a generic to do list, but actually time specific. As in walk 7am-8am. It's also a psychological trick in that you aren't sitting around contemplating what you ought to do, what you'd like to do, what you can put off, and then you end up procrastinating or talking yourself out of what you need to do. When you have a concrete list, what you need to do next is in your face. No thought required, so your brain goes straight into action and executing the task mode. It is very very effective.

[Brutal555]

Yes, a to do list keeps you focused. Not just a generic to do list, but actually time specific. As in walk 7am-8am. It's also a psychological trick in that you aren't sitting around contemplating what you ought to do, what you'd like to do, what you can put off, and then you end up procrastinating or talking yourself out of what you need to do. When you have a concrete list, what you need to do next is in your face. No thought required, so your brain goes straight into action and executing the task mode. It is very very effective.

 

I'm going to start with making my list first thing in the morning. Making a few minor goals throughout the day and actually accomplishing them could have psychological benefits for lifting the mood.

It doesn't matter If the goal is - study from 5 to 6pm. I did something I planned, at least

[DancingFool]

I'm going to start with making my list first thing in the morning. Making a few minor goals throughout the day and actually accomplishing them could have psychological benefits for lifting the mood.

It doesn't matter If the goal is - study from 5 to 6pm. I did something I planned, at least

 

Yup! I'd recommend that you make your list the day before. Sometimes as you are going along through your day, just add in what you need to do tomorrow or even the day after and so on. Like you started a project today, you will continue it tomorrow at 11am kind of a thing. The good part about making a list the day prior is that in the morning you don't have to stress about what all you need to do today. You already have your day mapped out so you can roll out and get to it. Once you get this ball rolling, maintaining it becomes an easy habit.

 

Yes, the very act of accomplishing something on the list will lift your mood and give you a sense of satisfaction and achievement. It's kind of a positive vicious cycle. The more you do it the more rewarding it is.

[Jetta]

Make a list of goals, and than break it down by steps. You seem very scattered, you need to focus your energy. Practice changing your thoughts in the morning and evening. Just take a few minutes out of your day to work on that. Things you want to accomplish list them out, decide what it'll take to make happen, and start with the one or two that are most appealing to you. You'll get there believe it.

[jimmyc88]

I'll tell you somewhat bluntly how to start. Goal setting for fitness and growth is key and you need to start doing it straight away. What we say might help slightly but nothing will change until you hop up and get it done.

 

The negativity i.e excuses doesn't work mate and I'm only telling you this because I had the exact mentality and still slip into it out of bad habit from time to time.

 

Remember this "action leads to emotion". You might be thinking i cannot be f*^ked going to gym, but name one time after your workout you regretted it?

That goes with everything and eventually you'll start putting a positive emotion behind every action.

[Silverbirch]

Yup! I'd recommend that you make your list the day before. Sometimes as you are going along through your day, just add in what you need to do tomorrow or even the day after and so on. Like you started a project today, you will continue it tomorrow at 11am kind of a thing. The good part about making a list the day prior is that in the morning you don't have to stress about what all you need to do today. You already have your day mapped out so you can roll out and get to it. Once you get this ball rolling, maintaining it becomes an easy habit.

 

Yes, the very act of accomplishing something on the list will lift your mood and give you a sense of satisfaction and achievement. It's kind of a positive vicious cycle. The more you do it the more rewarding it is.

 

Yes this. When I do mine the night before and write in my appointment book/diary, in the morning, it's much easier because AI think better at night. Also, on Sunday nights, thinking sbout what I want to achieve that week, and making it workable by breaking it down into days. I have a blackboard in my kitchen fir reminders, and that hekls too.

 

This post reminds me that AI need to get up very early and walk my dogs. (🇦🇺 Very hot here right now)