He broke up because he it too happy with who he is with me.

[Lyvanna]

Breakup was two weeks ago tomorrow, but I knew what he wanted on the sunday. I was in England to visit him for New Years (I live in Norway) and I guess it just really set off his fears.

He sent me this yesterday night:

 

"You were all I ever wanted, and all I could ever want. And I guess that’s why I got so sad, because when I’m with you I have zero ambition for anything other than to be with you. And that’s why I can’t. It hurts me to think that you’re talking to someone else about the things we used to talk about, but I’m glad that you’re doing this for yourself at the same time. I’m a mess just thinking about the pillow, looking at it and seeing how considerate and sweet the love of my life is and it’s making me so ing sad. I canmt even bring myself to re read rhe letters again. I’m broken, and I can’t take you back right now but I just wanted to say I love you. I’m sorry for saying it, sorry I can’t give ypu what you want, and sorry for everything. You are the best girlfriend anyone could ever wish for."

 

I am honestly feeling completely lost. I can't keep trying to get him back, I've been through begging and trying to bargain, telling him I'm feeling suicidal (I am, tbh, but it's obviously not fair to pin the blame on him even if it IS because of the breakup), tried no contact and lasted an entire ing day, haha.. He is obviously not in a place right now where a relationship is right for him but I just can't bring myself to accept it. I want to wait for him to be ready forever, but I know myself, I know I couldn't do that, my mental health is already an absolute travesty. But he keeps saying he loves me. He keeps saying he misses me. He doesn't have the same sort of depression as I do but he is obviously not in a good place either, he is just sleeping his days away (yesterday he woke up at 5pm and I got absolutely livid with him, he clearly can't work on himself without me either!?), he goes to the gym and cries, he wakes up in the night and thinks about me and cries some more. I do the same. We are just in such an awful place and I don't know what to do, tbh.

 

I'm thinking I have to stop initiating contact because it is hurting us both so much, but I want to know how he's doing, I want to make sure he's taking his medication (he has anemia and thyroid gland issues and asthma amongst other things), and sleeping, and going to the gym because he promised himself he would be doing it.. and I want to prove to him that I can help him work on himself even if he thinks I cant. I don't want him to feel like this and I don't want to feel like this myself either.

 

We were only together for 3 months and during that time only met twice, once for a weekend and once for a week. But it was so much stronger, so much realer, so much better in every way than my old relationship that lasted for over 5 years (we are only 22 so that's like 80% of my dating life). I know it's easy to say that I will get over it and I will find someone else and.. I know I will. But right now all I want is for him to give it another shot. We were so perfect for each other it was almost too good to be true... and I guess it was.

[Unreasonable]

What's the question? How to get him to give you another shot?

 

It hurts me to think that you’re talking to someone else about the things we used to talk about.

 

What does he mean by that? Are you talking to another guy?

 

I am honestly feeling completely lost. I can't keep trying to get him back, I've been through begging and trying to bargain, telling him I'm feeling suicidal (I am, tbh, but it's obviously not fair to pin the blame on him even if it IS because of the breakup).

 

I'm sorry, even if you didn't mean it that way, I would probably view that as emotional blackmail and it would be a complete dealbreaker for me to ever get back together. If you are feeling this way, get help immediately.

 

I want to make sure he's taking his medication (he has anemia and thyroid gland issues and asthma amongst other things), and sleeping, and going to the gym because he promised himself he would be doing it.. and I want to prove to him that I can help him work on himself even if he thinks I cant.

 

"Working on himself" is not your job. It's his. While he absolutely should be doing those things, you should not have anything to do with that. No one should but him. Those are relationship independent. If he's using not taking care of the basics as an excuse to break up with you, then that's exactly what is, an excuse to break up with you. Seriously, this sounds like a slightly more elaborate "it's not you, it's me" variant.

 

Sorry you're going through with this. I would suggest counselling to help you get through this. There is only so much help you're going to receive here.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he's trying to end things. LDRs are hard, especially when there were only 2 in person meetings. Take his statement as fact and leave him alone and go no contact so he can heal and so can you. Stop trying to fix him. Don't be manipulative, that may be another reason he wants out.

It hurts me to think that you’re talking to someone else

I can’t take you back right now

[Lyvanna]

Idk, mostly venting I guess. Hoping maybe someone has been in the same sort of situation.

 

I'm talking to a guy I met on reddit who is in the same boat as me. There is nothing more to it than just talking. I just need someone to talk to to pass the time somehow, if not I just go down all kinds of self destructive paths.

 

He keeps telling me that he loves me and misses me and he messaged me earlier today 'There was a post on facebook saying tag someone who deserves all the love and pizza in the world and has a great butt. Thought of you ofc but great is an understatement '.

 

I haven't responded and I don't think I will. I don't think I'm able to go completely no contact though. I have strong ocd that doesn't make it any easier, but I will definitely try my best to tone in down a lot and let him go at his own pace I guess?

 

I've tried seeing therapists and it doesn't work very well. I can't talk to people I don't connect with very well, at least not in person, and I have a strange aversion to talking about my feelings in Norwegian as well as selective mutism that is a lot of fun when I'm trying to get help.

 

Thank you for being blunt with me, I think I need it.

[DanZee]

Yeah, you've got to go full No Contact. This constant texting each other is like ripping a scab off a wound over and over again. The hurt is not going to heal. And this is especially true because you're both suffering from depression. And it's made worse by the fact that this is a Cinderella-type online romance. You really were only together for a week and a half. You really didn't get to know each other. The relationship was mostly a fantasy in your own mind. And in that instance, you imagine only the good side of a person. You don't get the full effect of actually being with that person through their ups and downs and seeing their negative side.

 

He's a big boy and he can take care of himself so stop worrying about him and worry about yourself. I don't know if I accept his reason for breaking up with you. I think he's trying to be nice, but I'm willing to bet that maybe he's having a problem seeing you as the real you versus the fantasy you of his texting. I think he realized the relationship wasn't going to work out.

 

Look, you've got to go into healing mode. Go out with friends. Talk with your parents and relatives about it. Go to parties. Listen to music. Do things that make you happy. Ask a boy out on a date. Your pen-pal made the decision to break up with you. You sound like a nice, sensitive and loving girl. There is a guy out there who is desperate for someone like you. Find someone who lives near you so you can enjoy all the aspects of dating, like holding hands, kissing, gazing into each other's eyes, and all the other romantic things. Don't get involved in an artificial Internet relationship.

[Lyvanna]

My old relationship lasted 4 years long distance before we moved together. That ended simply because we grew apart and my mental health was too much for him to handle. It's not an artificial internet relationship. I've had my fair share of those too, I know the difference.

 

Calling us pen pals is quite frankly extremely insulting. We were on call almost 24/7. We woke up together and fell asleep together and whenever one of us went out the other was there, whether it was through texting or calling. The only difference between that and a 'normal' relationship is that we couldn't touch each other.

 

I agree going no contact is the best course of action but I don't think I can. I will try my best though.