Sweet memories.

[Reyhoney]

I hope this is under the appropriate forum, but my post will be a bit different than most posts I guess.

 

My bf and I broke up 7 weeks ago, I went into no contact for 5 weeks even changed my number. We emailed again around Christmas and just now we are texting here and there. Not sure what will happen or if there’s any hope, but I’m not holding my breath.

 

Which leads me to this post, my main point, the sweet memories we shared... I’m sure you’ve all had them and some you keep replaying and it hurts your hearts. But I want you guys to tell me about some of yours, I think they can really bring healing, in that maybe it’s over, but it doesn’t change the history. History can’t be undone, or changed, just like you can’t change the bad parts, you can’t change the sweet parts that kept you alive. I want to let go of my hurt.

 

I’ll share one of mine that I even almost forgot about until I got triggered by a song. It was one of our first “real dates.” Where we actually dressed up all nice. He wore this white dress shirt that was slim fitting and he looked so good in it. I wore a red dress with black pantyhose and we went to a blues bar/restaurant and there was a band playing “Let’s stay together” by Al Green.

 

We were so giddy, I had my hands all over him! I kept touching his arm and his hands and I pushed my chair so close to him. He had the biggest happiest smile on his face when he was looking at me cause I was all dancing in my seat. (I took a picture of him enjoying the music when he wasn’t looking, I don’t have it anymore, but I remember it vividly)

 

I was just so happy. He kept singing the song in my ear as the band played it. He knew all the words, and he had a beautiful voice that I didn’t even know he had!

 

It was truly one of my favorite dates, and favorite moments with him. Now when I hear this song, it brings all these memories back.

 

There’s a 100 other sweet moments... I don’t want to forget any.

[DanZee]

Actually reliving your dates won't help you move forward. What you should concentrate on is what happened to break you up and the problems you had in the relationship. If he bullied you or said bad things to you, that's his real side. You need to heal and move on.

[semaj281]

You can't change the fact that you are no longer with him but remembering the good times can help you focus on what to look for in the next guy. Maybe he can do what your ex did for you, but in a better way. The healing process takes time and you can't expedite it regardless of how much time you spend at the gym, out shopping, or whatever activity you choose to distract yourself. Those distractions are only temporary and part of moving on is feeling what your heart wants to feel. The key is to not act on anything during this time. You will not forget any of the good memories and you should not have to. Our brains are not computer hard drives and we can't just click certain things and delete them. As you look back just remember also of the reasons why you are no longer together.

[chattygirl]

Reyhoney, you sound like a very sweet and sentimental person, but I agree with Dan. I feel like recounting the good times and memories would be tortuous at this stage. You are still trying to get over the break up. Sure there are those times when you can't help but recall a memory or something will remind you of your ex, but the relationship ended for a reason. Focusing on the good stuff is going to make it harder to move forward.

[boltnrun]

What was the point of changing your number if you ended up texting him?

 

In any event, mooning over past memories does not help one move forward. Looking in the rear view mirror seldom helps us go forward.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Hiney,

This will seem corner to a lot of people, but if you listen to the lyrics of this famous song, it gives a view of one woman's reminiscing of a previous relationship. I loved the movie from back in the 70s and would like to see it again. Her words are so true

 

[SweetGirl28]

Those great memories can really trigger the emotions. And the slightest things can bring the memories

flooding in, unfortunately. It's crucial to try to focus on the reasons for the breakup so as not to get yourself

stuck into a corner where you can't move on. I had to change all my preset radio stations and all my Spotify music

had to be deleted and changed so as to not set myself off.

 

Why are you texting again? Who did the breaking up?

Allowing the texts can set you back because if they are not meaningful,and the person suddenly stops

again, or starts giving short replies and then disappears for hours, days, weeks, it's going to drive you crazy.

Staying NC is best until you reach the stage of indifference. Then you will be able to handle it if they go cold on you.

[Reyhoney]

Aw I was really hoping for different responses but I realize maybe we aren’t all at the same level of healing?

 

I’ve moved on cause I’ve realized the relationship failed. I’ve no desire to reconcile romantically. I haven’t forgotten why it failed, but I haven’t forgotten why we loved each other. That’s why recalling the good memories doesn’t trigger me.

 

We were friends long before we dated, so that friendship is the foundation.

 

I contacted him because I had to, I don’t want to share details but it was something he had to be updated on. We talked like friends. I didn’t feel sad or upset.

 

I’m just honoring what once was, like we do when we visit someone who died at a cemetery. We let go of the person, but not what we shared.

 

I realize some on here are still struggling and haven’t moved on yet and I’m very sorry about that. You will get there, but my advice is to not block them out of your head, that will do the exact opposite. Do you know the white polar bear effect?

 

Whatever you try to push away or not think about, is the only thought that persists.

 

Wish you all the best.

[Reyhoney]

You can't change the fact that you are no longer with him but remembering the good times can help you focus on what to look for in the next guy. Maybe he can do what your ex did for you, but in a better way. The healing process takes time and you can't expedite it regardless of how much time you spend at the gym, out shopping, or whatever activity you choose to distract yourself. Those distractions are only temporary and part of moving on is feeling what your heart wants to feel. The key is to not act on anything during this time. You will not forget any of the good memories and you should not have to. Our brains are not computer hard drives and we can't just click certain things and delete them. As you look back just remember also of the reasons why you are no longer together.

 

I love your reply. This is exactly my opinion as well. Very sensible, thank you!

[boltnrun]

Not struggling at all. I'm not missing my toxic ex one bit. I just don't see any value in looking behind me.

 

It's not the same as remembering someone who died because I miss my lost loved ones. I don't miss my ex at all. So I don't spend time reminiscing about him. I'm just glad he's out of my life.

 

But yeah, what works for one may not work for another. We're all different. No one is right or wrong, just different.

[Silverbirch]

Yes I agree with BoltnRun, buy hey OP, if you are happy, then that's great. Most people come here because they are in a lot of pain from breakups, but obviously you are way past that.

[Reyhoney]

You can't change the fact that you are no longer with him but remembering the good times can help you focus on what to look for in the next guy. Maybe he can do what your ex did for you, but in a better way. The healing process takes time and you can't expedite it regardless of how much time you spend at the gym, out shopping, or whatever activity you choose to distract yourself. Those distractions are only temporary and part of moving on is feeling what your heart wants to feel. The key is to not act on anything during this time. You will not forget any of the good memories and you should not have to. Our brains are not computer hard drives and we can't just click certain things and delete them. As you look back just remember also of the reasons why you are no longer together.

 

Not struggling at all. I'm not missing my toxic ex one bit. I just don't see any value in looking behind me.

 

It's not the same as remembering someone who died because I miss my lost loved ones. I don't miss my ex at all. So I don't spend time reminiscing about him. I'm just glad he's out of my life.

 

But yeah, what works for one may not work for another. We're all different. No one is right or wrong, just different.

 

I get it, I’m so sorry, if he’s toxic then he’s definitely not worth any memories at all. I’ve had a similar situation with another ex so I fully understand. I’m so sorry your heart is hurting.

 

Maybe because my newest ex and I had a healthy happy relationship and it’s just circumstances that made parting a must, that I feel no real deep hurt cause I know he wanted it even more than I did. We parted in love, and tears, from the both of us.

 

I wish you meet someone worthy of you and your love. You deserve it.

[Reyhoney]

You can't change the fact that you are no longer with him but remembering the good times can help you focus on what to look for in the next guy. Maybe he can do what your ex did for you, but in a better way. The healing process takes time and you can't expedite it regardless of how much time you spend at the gym, out shopping, or whatever activity you choose to distract yourself. Those distractions are only temporary and part of moving on is feeling what your heart wants to feel. The key is to not act on anything during this time. You will not forget any of the good memories and you should not have to. Our brains are not computer hard drives and we can't just click certain things and delete them. As you look back just remember also of the reasons why you are no longer together.

 

Yes I agree with BoltnRun, buy hey OP, if you are happy, then that's great. Most people come here because they are in a lot of pain from breakups, but obviously you are way past that.

 

I see that now. I thought the healing forum would be further in the mending process, that’s why I didn’t post it in the breakup forum, but I see that there are many who are still getting over it. We all cope differently that’s for sure.