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I just can’t get over a breakup


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Dear all


I’ve been struggling with a breakup and it just seems impossible to get some closure, I talked about it with everyone I know including my parents, friends , family, coworkers and even strangers but I just can’t help it thinking about what happened. I woke up today thinking about my ex (Again!) and I really can’t deal with it anymore especially since I still see her in school , I haven’t been the same since it ended, I became emotionally distant and I don’t see myself involved with someone else ever again , I have met other girls but I just can’t even bother getting in touch.


I decided to share my story with the internet hoping to learn something new that might help and that’s how I stumbled on enotalone, I was reading some threads and I was really amazed by the interactions, I’m really looking forward to read some feedbacks.


So here it comes ..


I saw a girl in class 6 months ago , I got a feeling that there was a mutual attraction , we somehow talked but she was really shy and uncomfortable, I thought that she was not interested so I just backed up.

She asked for my Facebook and sent me a message later on saying that she was new in town and not comfortable with her English, I figured that she just wanted to meet new people.


We kept talking and I found out that she wanted more than friendship , we didn’t have much In common but she knew her way around me.

She seemed like the girl I ve been waiting for all my life. She’d wake me up every morning with the cutes texts and calls , she’d wait for me so long just to see me for a few minutes, she was super gorgeous and didn’t care about material things , she was just perfect in my eyes.


2 months later , things got weird , she became cold , she became a totally different person and I have already fell for her unfortunately ( I got trapped too quick , stupid me ! ).

I started getting paranoid, thinking that I did something bad , thinking that she wants to breakup or met someone else, and when I confronted her about it , she d say that she was just stressed with work and school.


Out of nowhere, I get a text on social media from a random guy , saying that he s been with her for almost a year , he wanted to know if there s something between me and her , he said that he thinks she s been lying and cheating.

I found that very childish and I didn’t respond, I figured that was something between the two of them and they need to deal with it. I talked to her about it and she was not surprised, she said that it was one of the reasons she was stressed because she knew he was trying to sabotage our relationship, she didn’t want to tell me about it because she didn’t want me to worry and she assured me that it’s ancient history.


Three days after, we finished school, we were together and he was waiting for her outside, he came in and they started talking in a foreign language, I did the mature thing and stayed out of it. The conversation was really intense and it looked like she was really telling him that she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He comes back 5 minutes later and I got really nervous and told him to go away. He said that he only wanted to talk to her and claimed that she told him 2 days before that she still loves him.

He looked like a douchebag and I couldn’t believe a word of what he was saying and when I talked to her about it , she said that he has been calling her from random numbers and she has to answer because of business.


I took her word and tried to move on but it was never the same and she was still distant and cold. I had a feeling that something was really going on , I investigated and found concrete proof.

They were communicating back and forth all the time , she would call him and text him right after our goodnight call but it stopped after the day he saw me with her.


Sadly , I found out that there is ANOTHER GUY, and I realized that she has some kind of problem. I was just waiting for her to breakup with me to confront her but she kept acting like nothing was going on. She didn’t know I knew what she was doing.


I couldn’t stand it anymore and I was really hurt , I was thinking about it every second and it destroyed me , my friends were really worried about me, I couldn’t smile anymore or do anything at all. I didn’t want it to end but I knew it had to end for my own good.

I decided to take her out one last time , have a nice time and then breakup with her. Crazy right ??

We went out , had a really good weird time , I started talking about us and Wanted to know what she thinks about the relationship , she kept telling me that she loves me and that it’s normal that things are not like in the beginning. I was really in love with her , I was blinded and I couldn’t do it.


I dropped her off , I went back to my place thinking that maybe the reason she s talking to other guys is because she just needs attention, I still had hope.

Once i settled in my bed , I had a way of tracking her activity, i hopped that I was the last one she spoke to before she went to sleep, I found out that she texted the other guy the minute I left her.


I was devastated, speechless, motionless. I had chest pains and I couldn’t sleep that night. I just wanted to know why she did that to me , why me , after I gave her all she wanted.


I couldn’t see her in person anymore , I talked to her on the phone and told her that it was over , I sent her a really long text with everything I had to say , I told her everything I knew. I asked her one last thing , to just tell my why she did that to me and she didn’t have an answer for me.


She wouldn’t leave me alone, she claimed that she had strong feelings for me, she couldn’t explain why she did what she did , she wanted to do everything to have a chance.

I was not over her , I couldn’t imagine her out my life yet , it was a 3 months relationship and I still don’t know how i fell for her that quick.

I decided to go check my sources , and not surprisingly, I found that she was still talking to that other guy.

I had enough of everything, I didn’t want anyone else to live something like what I had with her , I called the guy to share my story , turned out he is a successful engineer and knew exactly the kind of girl she is , she was pursuing him with no success.


From that moment on , I deleted her from social media , sent her my last texts , and never heard from her again.


It was a really hard period but the worst is over , the repercussions of the breakup are really bad tho , I just don’t see myself trusting women anymore, I know that it’s one rotten apple but it’s psychological and I just can’t help it.


I still bump into her in school, too many things remind me of her. I just want to get rid of the resentment, I would like to believe that I hate her but I don’t...


I’d appreciate all kinds of feed back , anything that can help me deal with this in a better way , I m still trying to find out what I did I wrong , i just want to get it together and move forward from this toxic state of mind.



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Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately you got caught in the snare of an attention hog. You did nothing wrong. She was deceptive to you and any other guys. In fact you did a lot right by walking away and not getting involved like the fool who contacted you about her. Now she's his headache and you can be free to find some normal decent girls.

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Hey, be kind to yourself. You just took a hard emotional hit. You didn't do anything wrong. You just fell for someone who is a giant mess and incapable of really being in a relationship. You fell in love and dismissed all the very clear warning signs. Love does that to a person. It takes time to heal. It takes time to wrap your head around it. At least now you will keep your eyes open to things like a man telling you that he has been with your "girlfriend" for over a year.


Just take it slow. And know in time you will heal.

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I talked about it with everyone I know


This isn't the way to get over someone. Better to trust that if the two of you were ever a meant-to-be deal, you'll both meet on higher ground someday, but you'll both need to get to that place on your own. So I'd focus on reaching UP, not drilling myself into a deeper hole to climb out of. I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous life for myself.


This would require the opposite of draining everyone with hard luck stories. Instead fill your life with the people you've neglected while focused on this relationship. I'd use this time to create good memories for them while I'm unable to enjoy much myself. You don't need to adopt a paste-on personality, just show up. Help your friends and family with their projects, errands, meal prep, or treat them to something and listen to them. Let the people you care about inspire you to focus on projects and interests of your own. This interaction will ground you and help you to 'normalize' away from brooding and rumination--which isn't helpful and won't get an ex back.


Moving forward is your percentage play--if your path with ex ever crosses again after you're healed and in a positive place, then it's earned you the ability to approach a 'new' relationship without the cloud over your head. Otherwise, it heals you and grows you into the right place for a better relationship with someone else. EIther, way you win if you're willing to go there, and you'll thank yourself later.


Head high.

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