10023711 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 We're in college, so this all seems a little immature. I know things wont be as complicated as you get older. So i posted about this girl a while ago, but this is new info. Idk what to do. Basically, we went on a few dates and made out. I asked her out like 1.5 months ago.. She responded with "okay when" immediately followed by "maybe". I told her the time and day, she agreed with saying "okay remind me on saturday". When the day of the date came up, i texted her 4 hours prior to the date reminding her that i'll pick her up at her place at 6. She never responded nor came out (her place is right down the street from mine). She then texts back 1.5 hours later with "sh*t sorry i fell asleep". I then called her and she never answered. She then tells me the same thing in real life, that she honestly fell asleep. - A month goes by (since we were on the winter break). I notice that she posts a sad images online, and they SEEM to reference our situation. It was very subtle. I text her Merry Christmas and she responds with "you too". Now when i get back on campus, i'm at the bar. She sees me first, while i'm sitting in a corner. Later on i pass her and just look. That's when she gives me a hug and asks how i'm doing. I answer her and then leave without holding a longer conversation. The next time i see her she just pretends not to even see me (she walks right past me). Later that same night she waves and says hey to me. - Anyways, i've heard from other sites that you're supposed to let the girl mention another date. (she never offered to reschedule, but then again i never answered her text, i just called). Should i let her mention it or just go ahead and ask her out again? I'm graduating in a few months, so i don't want to live with regret. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Why would you even consider trying to date her again after the way she treated you? And what has happened recently that makes you think she'll ask you out? And how is she "coming to you"? If I remember correctly, you posted before and most people said she isn't into you the way you'd like her to be (me included). I'm sure there are lots of other girls on campus who would like to date you. Ask one of them out! This is what you wrote on here about 6 weeks ago: "Either way, its concrete in my mind by how much she's not interested in me anymore, and that proved to be a lot by her actions. Someone mentioned forgetting her completely since i probably give off a neediness vibe. I think that is the only option. Find other women and not care about this anymore. I was wayy to needy. Even on that same day. I should not have called her several times. I just wanted an answer tbh, so i could move on with my life instead of wondering about her for the entire winter break. Now i have my answer." Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 Why would you even consider trying to date her again after the way she treated you? And what has happened recently that makes you think she'll ask you out? And how is she "coming to you"? If I remember correctly, you posted before and most people said she isn't into you the way you'd like her to be (me included). I'm sure there are lots of other girls on campus who would like to date you. Ask one of them out! This is what you wrote on here about 6 weeks ago: "Either way, its concrete in my mind by how much she's not interested in me anymore, and that proved to be a lot by her actions. Someone mentioned forgetting her completely since i probably give off a neediness vibe. I think that is the only option. Find other women and not care about this anymore. I was wayy to needy. Even on that same day. I should not have called her several times. I just wanted an answer tbh, so i could move on with my life instead of wondering about her for the entire winter break. Now i have my answer." Well, she came up to me and gave me hugs, so i assumed she was into me. Even tried to hold conversations. It did look at her / walk past her so maybe that fueled it. Idk. - Tonight was just sh*t . I saw her with another dude, and to be honest, he might be better looking than me. - I tried talking to other girls tonight at the bar. No one really seemed interested in me. I'm a little awkward, but they displayed pure disinterest. I've literally had 3 girl turn their backs on me tonight. Honestly i feel like ending it. I would never do it since i have family and that is selfish. I live in south carolina so idk if its because i look different, or what the deal is https://imgur.com/a/jJSGI - I guess she's not interested. She probably likes that other dude or something. I looked at her twitter and retweeted something saying "when you realize your old crush is ugly". I know many of you wont believe it, but she had some level of interest in me up until this point. I have social anxiety, so it makes me over analyze social interactions. She was either interested or just wanted my attention. She purposefully tried to make me jealous at one point and gave me hugs first. No one is interested in me. I have an extremely high failure rate. They wont even give me the time of day. They just try to get away from me. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 A month goes by (since we were on the winter break). I notice that she posts a sad images online, and they SEEM to reference our situation. This is called building castles in the sky and defending them. This woman has absolutely no interest in you. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 This is called building castles in the sky and defending them. This woman has absolutely no interest in you. What confused me is her continuing to hug me and try to hold a conversation as of late. What confused me even more was when she went from completely ignoring and walking past me, to waving and saying hey, all in the same night. It's screwing with my head. The following week her friends come up to my own and just smiled at me. One of them says to my friend "i know you". She then comes to me and says "I know you", but differently than how she said it to my friend. It was more of a playful tone with enunciation and a smile. - I don't think she's truly interested in me as a person, or else she would have went on the date or tried to reschedule. I think she may just want the attention back or did. Last night, it was not obvious if she was trying to make me jealous or if she was just seeing someone new (probably the latter). There have been times where she's purposefully tried to make me jealous though, and it was overly obvious, so its not in my head. - So i see her tonight with this dude and she also retweets something saying "when you realize your old crush is ugly". She probably thinks that she can do better. She's good looking, so she can date anyone really. I saw her friend again tonight. This time she was wayy more cold to me. I'm thinking she's trying to move on and date other dudes. I was waiting for her to show more interest after not meeting up like she agreed to. I didn't want to resort to asking her out again, without increased effort on her part. - I just wish i knew how to socialize. I suck at talking to dudes too. My mind goes blank of what to say next with anyone, even my family. If i was more talkative or funny, she would be with me. I felt like our first date went pretty well conversation wise, but i could've done better. I feel like if i were to go up and talk to her, i would just disappoint her, and she would realize that there are other dudes who would be more fun. Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Ok so here's a lesson you need to learn: a woman would NEVER sleep through a date she is excited about. Seriously, if a woman has a chance to go out with a guy she really likes she wouldn't forget and she sure as hell wouldn't sleep through it. She just likes that you like her. That's it. You're an ego boost. When someone really likes you, you know it. You're both really excited and it pretty obvious. If you're uncertain or there are "mixed signals" she doesn't like you. And lol at your comment "I know things won't be as complicated as you get older". I think it only get more complicated with baggage, kids, divorce, etc. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 Ok so here's a lesson you need to learn: a woman would NEVER sleep through a date she is excited about. Seriously, if a woman has a chance to go out with a guy she really likes she wouldn't forget and she sure as hell wouldn't sleep through it. She just likes that you like her. That's it. You're an ego boost. When someone really likes you, you know it. You're both really excited and it pretty obvious. If you're uncertain or there are "mixed signals" she doesn't like you. And lol at your comment "I know things won't be as complicated as you get older". I think it only get more complicated with baggage, kids, divorce, etc. I think she got cold feet since i asked her out days in advance. She had time to contemplate whether or not she was into me, and she had doubts. Her falling asleep was a lie. She's always purposefully thrown out mixed signals. ie, when i first met her she agreed to a date, but then followed it by 'maybe', despite initially showing strong interest. (asking me questions in the same text as me asking her out, grabbing my arm and pulling me aside to talk, etc etc.) Even when she agreed to kiss me, she ended up letting my lips purposefully land no her nose. Afterwards, she gave me an actual kiss. It's some sort of game. If she had really HIGH interest, i know she wouldn't be doing this though. Some of her low interest was probably my fault. I mean we went on a date and ended up at her place (didn't have sex), so obviously i screwed up somewhere. Someone with the right social skills would have pushed all of this further. I would not be in this situation. - Now what's screwing with my head is whether or not i should have just tried talking to her more in person after she gave me those hugs. The one time she hugged me, i kept conversation to a minimum. Another time that she say hey to me, i just smiled and didn't bother talking to her. She didn't seem like she was just being nice. She did it for a reason. Maybe for my attention or to get me to try and go on another date with her? Idk. - I don't want to go on a date with someone that doesn't really want to go with me. It does not feel good at all. She may have changed her mind afterwards, but idk. I just hate living with regret. I rather be flat out rejected than thinking what i could've or should've done. I'm about to graduate in a few months, so its gonna hurt. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I hug guys I have absolutely no romantic interest in all the time. You're making something out of nothing. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I'm sorry, but I would say no-showing to a planned date and saying it was because she fell asleep can be categorized as a "flat out rejection". I'm sure you'll come back with a "yes, but..." And I usually hug my guy friends. Even guy acquaintances. And I want to date none of them. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 I hug guys I have absolutely no romantic interest in all the time. You're making something out of nothing. It's just weird to hug someone you've dated very very recently. I wouldn't want to give them the wrong idea. If anything i'd just say hi. Girls are keen on social queues and what signals they send. And its also weird to completely ignore me (while walking past me) and then waving and saying "hey" all within 30 minutes. I would at least just say hi to them, even if i had no interest. - I never hug girls that i know on campus. I just say hey. But maybe that's just me. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 I'm sorry, but I would say no-showing to a planned date and saying it was because she fell asleep can be categorized as a "flat out rejection". I'm sure you'll come back with a "yes, but..." And I usually hug my guy friends. Even guy acquaintances. And I want to date none of them. I agree its flat out rejection. She attempted to make it up at one point by coming up to me in person several times. And her friends were acting extremely nice to me. Though, i still don't think she's really interested. - I don't want to ask her out again because i'm keen on the fact that she's not really interested in me. I wouldn't want to do it knowing that she may not really want to be out with me. It would feel terrible. I was seeing if she would put her foot forward more. She displayed interested by attempting to make jealous weeks ago (not recently. It was blatantly obvious before, not now) / still hugs me. She flat out ignored me last night though and was just talking to that other dude. She's not really interested. She might just want my attention and that's why she's acting this way. She doesn't really want me. - I'm pretty keen on social queues due to anxiety. I've basically lived my whole lives analyzing how people interact with me and automatically look for signs as to why they want nothing to do with me, even if its not true. This girl was hot and cold. Link to comment
Tryingit Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 She is not into you...AND she's one of those awful flaky "hm maybe I'll keep my options open for attention and then flake if I feel like it" types RUN Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 She is not into you...AND she's one of those awful flaky "hm maybe I'll keep my options open for attention and then flake if I feel like it" types RUN I think this sums it up. That's how she acted when i first met her and asked her out. What confused me is she mixed this 'maybe' behavior with strong signs of interest sprinkled in. I think she gave it a chance. I just have to improve my social skills in regards to future encounters. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I think this sums it up. That's how she acted when i first met her and asked her out. What confused me is she mixed this 'maybe' behavior with strong signs of interest sprinkled in. I think she gave it a chance. I just have to improve my social skills in regards to future encounters. I agree with your conclusion. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 A couple of hugs and a few glances in your general direction are not "strong signs of interest". I am willing to bet there are other girls who actually do like you and want to go out with you if you'd just ask. Why not try? Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 A couple of hugs and a few glances in your general direction are not "strong signs of interest". I am willing to bet there are other girls who actually do like you and want to go out with you if you'd just ask. Why not try? I meant strong signs in the past. ie: actually wanting to to her place after our date, wanting to drink after me, grabbing my arm to get my attention after i introduced myself to her and went away, asking me questions about myself, seeming interested in her texts, kissing me, trying to keep conversation on the date, being disappointed to learn that i'd be graduating etc etc. The current hugs and her purposefully trying to make me jealous (previously, idk about now), are not something you would do to someone you had zero interest in. Whether that be actual interest (i don't think she's actually interested) or just wanting my attention back. Now she's just ignoring me, at least it seems that way. If i wanted nothing to do with a girl that i recently dated, i wouldn't try to hug them or be extra nice. I'd just say hey. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 But your thread title says she's "coming to me". How recently has she "come to" you? I don't mean a hug but the other things you listed. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 But your thread title says she's "coming to me". How recently has she "come to" you? I don't mean a hug but the other things you listed. Well shes the one to initiate the hug / conversation when i walk past her. She hasnt actually walked up to me. The first time i saw her after break at the bar, she positioned herself in my line of sight. She wanted me to chase. I meant coming to me as in she initiated the hug / conversation. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Im contemplating just asking her if shes interested in me. I dont want to wonder any more. This is torture. Ill probably see her at the bar tonight. This may be a bad idea. Idk. Im tired of all of this. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Just asked what she wanted and she said nothing. I then said im glad she told me, so i dont waste time. Link to comment
10023711 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 I feel relieved. Now i can move on. Link to comment
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