Why am I the "one date wonder"?

[wolfy1818]

I don't know if I am looking for help or just on a rant but if anyone wants to add their 2 cents i'd be happy to hear it.

 

Why can I NEVER get past the first date? I know you are thinking that its cause it goes horribly for the girl but that seems to have no affect. I can be having an amazing time with the girl (clearly we are both having a blast, and I even get a kiss or two) and she can seem as into me as ever and then the last time I see her will be when I say good bye for the night. Usually I don't hear from her again either. Why is this? Do girls do this on purpose? I don't get it! She can be the sweetest most innocent girl ever and have a blast with me, tell me she looks forward to seeing me again and then never call me back. What the hell is it?! Ok now I AM asking for help, pease someone!!!! Im tired of being the one date wonder!

[Sn0man]

You ever try calling THEM back? Thats what youre supposed to do. Usually, I call the next day. It could be that you're not hearing back from them because you neglect to call them.

[wolfy1818]

Oh yeah definantly. I call them back, usually end up leaving a message for them to call me back. I clearly state "so.. call me back" always and leave my number again (so they can't claim they forgot/lost my number). Me calling them back after is definantly not the problem, trust me.

[Sn0man]

Next time, instead of leaving a message on their machine, just call until you get ahold of them. Girls often don't like to initate the first couple of calls.

[Belinda]

Yeah I agree... you really need to make it CLEAR your interested.

Girls like to think that when a guy likes them, she is the only thing that matters lol. So if you can, try and show her that shes extremly important.

If you get the message bank (dont do this on mobile calls because shell have to pay for it, but) leave a message each time you call and call heaps!

"I really enjoyed the other day.. Id love to meet you again sometime.. I cant get you out of my head" etc.

Then, shell get on her phone and have tonns of flattering messages ^_^

but if you dont hear from her after doing that and pulling out all the stops... o_o she obviously didnt diserve it.

[eddie500]

Well you obviosuly must be doing something to make the girl not attrated to you anymore.

 

How much are you telling her during the first date.

 

Are you doing anything of the following?

 

Are you giveing away any feelings like "Oh your so beautiful" "I really like you so much", "I don't deserve to be on a date with a girl like you"

How much are you telling her?

 

Also its not a good idea to call the girl the next day after a date! Are you calling the girl the next day and telling them you had a great time on the date. etc.?

 

Another question, where are you meeting these girls that you go on a date with? Are they girls that you have known for a while? Or are these girls you picked up somewehre and are pretty much seeing them for the second time?

 

Bascially your doing something to kill the attraction on the date. Becuase if you didn't kill the attraction the girl would be totally ready to call you back on see you again.

[JackH]

dude, that's a sticky situation. i definitely think calling them is what you need to do, but then again, calling over and over until you get a hold of them can seem kind of needy. it looks like you'll have to find the happy medium there. and i'm sure that you've told them at the end of a date that you'll call them, right? secondly, i don't know if you're doing this at all either, but girls love a compliment, so give her some during the date, especially at the end. let her know how great of a time you had with her and how great/nice/fun/etc you thought she was. maybe it'll make her feel good (about both you and the date) and she'll be more apt to want to go out again.

[eddie500]

dude, that's a sticky situation. i definitely think calling them is what you need to do, but then again, calling over and over until you get a hold of them can seem kind of needy. it looks like you'll have to find the happy medium there. and i'm sure that you've told them at the end of a date that you'll call them, right? secondly, i don't know if you're doing this at all either, but girls love a compliment, so give her some during the date, especially at the end. let her know how great of a time you had with her and how great/nice/fun/etc you thought she was. maybe it'll make her feel good (about both you and the date) and she'll be more apt to want to go out again.

 

it it was only so easy and logical.

[Day_Walker]

I believe that you need to take a new approach, if you are having problems going past the first date then you need to prepare yourself mentally for only one date. Instead of seeing this as a bad thing you need to modify your tactics. Obviously you can get dates so thats not a problem, I say you have fun with the situation, live in the moment. I know this advice is gonna be against the grain but dont make an effort to call her after the date. It would be nice if you could just take the date as a date then move on from the situation. Obviously you have an interest in these girls but for whatever reason they arent calling you back. It comes down to them being not interested. I wouldnt make too much of an effort in showing these girls you are interested. In fact im sure you will be surprised at your results, if you dont happen to call them after the date, they will wonder, which means they are going to think and most likely over analyze the situation, which is what you want to happen.

 

The point here is to HAVE FUN, and since you dont seem to get past the first date that means thats all you can expect. Live in the moment and you will be fine.

[annie24]

Hey there - I don't know if this is so much of a phone-calling issue, as it is something that maybe you're doing during your dates. You said that you would leave a message. Even though most girls don't like to be the one to initiate the first few phone calls, they don't want the guy to think that they're not interested either, so my guess is that at least some of them would return your phone call, instead of waiting for you to call them 5 times.

 

I think you should examine your dates. what are you doing? saying? are you going on and on about some ex? When something keeps happening to you, chances are, it's because of something that you're doing.

[annie24]

PS - I hate it when guys don't call the next day after a date!!! It makes me feel like they're playing some type of "phone game." Or, that they watched Swingers, and now have a "6 day rule." It's a HUGE turn-off to me. It makes me feel like he's insecure, so he's resorted to waiting to call me to make me "like him more." It's BS. If you had fun with her, leave her a nice message the next day, like Sn0man said.

[sweet_n_sexy]

dude lol it si because u dont call them back which also makes u look like a *beep*

[bobster]

yeah man- I feel for you! I'm kinda like that at the moment with dates. I really don't know what the answer is but I've taken some advice from here!

[eddie500]

PS - I hate it when guys don't call the next day after a date!!! It makes me feel like they're playing some type of "phone game." Or, that they watched Swingers, and now have a "6 day rule." It's a HUGE turn-off to me. It makes me feel like he's insecure, so he's resorted to waiting to call me to make me "like him more." It's BS. If you had fun with her, leave her a nice message the next day, like Sn0man said.

 

Hey Day_Walker, what do you have to say to this post?

[RayKay]

PS - I hate it when guys don't call the next day after a date!!! It makes me feel like they're playing some type of "phone game." Or, that they watched Swingers, and now have a "6 day rule." It's a HUGE turn-off to me. It makes me feel like he's insecure, so he's resorted to waiting to call me to make me "like him more." It's BS. If you had fun with her, leave her a nice message the next day, like Sn0man said.

 

I definitely agree with annie on this one.

 

Maybe there ARE indeed some girls who like the games and not hearing from you will peak their interest but if I have had a good time, it feels really good to hear from the guy the next day (later in the day...it can even be a short email at work or something if necessary) just saying he had a great time....it can be short and sweet and open door to another call or date (even better).

 

If I don't hear from them (and I know they are in town and not away or something) for a few days, I seriously think either they are not interested and move on (as there are other men out there who will call and show some level of interest) or if they do call, I immediately think "game player" and sorry, I just am not going to get involved in the whole who calls who first, how long and so on game. Not for me.

 

If I like a guy, had a good time, then trust me, I'll want to talk to you. If I did not have a good time, or like you, then NO amount of waiting will change that for me. I hate to be brutal, but my first impression is already made by the time the date ends...calling me the next day if it was good just elevates it. Not calling if I did demotes it. And either way if I did not like it, it really won't matter when you call....but I will let you know that I am not interested (politely of course).

 

Look, the fact is if things are right, they are just right for both of you and you are both mature, you know that you don't need to play phone games and so on.

[annie24]

Yes, I have to second RayKay's thoughts. By the end of the date, I already know whether or not I'd like to go out with him again. If I don't, i don't, and there's nothing he can say or do to change my mind. I'm pretty resolute about some stuff, this in particular.

 

But, if I liked him, and he takes a while to call back, I start thinking, "oh - I guess he didn't have as good of a time as I did." Then, if he takes longer, but finally calls, I start to think, "I guess he's either 1) so busy that he really isn't interested in seriously dating someone, or 2) I'm his backup plan to the girl that he REALLY likes" or 3) like I said before, "game player." I'm too *beeping* old for this - If I want to play games, i can just go ahead and sit in front of my computer.

 

Like RayKay said, I appreciate just a short e-mail the next day like, "hey - I had fun. I'm really glad we went to that new restaurant/movie/pub. Wanna hang out again sometime next week?"

[Day_Walker]

Ive never understood the whole insecure argument for not calling a girl back after a date. I dont feel its appropriate or necessary to call a girl the next day. It seems impulsive to call the next day, what I have a problem with are expectations that people have of when people should call, instead of being logical about the situation and saying when they call they call. The whole wanting a guy to call the next day thing, is more about security than anything else, she wants to know that the guy is into her immediately and doesnt find it necessary to wait. A person who had knowledge of the opposite sex would be able to determine how interested the person was by the end of the date. If they happen not to be interested then oh well, its not a big deal. People as a whole cant take rejection and want to be reassured that other people like them and dating is no different. If people would learn to live in the moment then they would be more inclined to take a situation for what it is and move on. Instead of dwelling on something and over analyzing it.

[annie24]

well this is interesting.... I can understand why it's not necessary to call a person the day after the date, but why is it not 'appropriate?' I think that's a very interesting word choice. You said that calling the next day seems impulsive, but in the next sentence, you say "when they call they call."

 

If people would learn to live in the moment then they would be more inclined to take a situation for what it is and move on.

 

So what if he feels like calling her the next day? Why is that not "appropriate" if he's not playing games and that's what he feels like doing?

[Day_Walker]

There is a distinction that I made in my response when i said "i dont feel its appropriate . . ." this means that personally this is my belief, that it is not appropriate nor necessary to call the next day.

 

The next comment of "when they call they call" was made in reference to how the person receiving the call should be thinking. The problem here is that it is assumed that the sooner a guy calls a girl after a date the greater his interest in her is, and all this does is stroke the girls ego. Which I also find to be unnecessary.

 

If he feels like calling the next day and prefers to act impulsively, then feel free to do so. It wouldnt be the first time my advice was ignored. My advice is about leveling the playing field, so no one person has an advantage over the other. Instead of acting impulsively show some control, restraint which has nothing to do with playing a game with her. Its simply taking time to clear your head and not seem over-eager. Stroking her ego is enough to make it inappropriate to call her the next day.

[annie24]

I don't feel an ego boost when a guy calls me the day after my date. I don't think, "oh wow - I am so hot!" I think, "awwww!!!! He's sooo sweet!!! I think we could really have something here!"

[BillyJean714]

Perhaps it's how you say it. A guy that I know went through something similar. Everytime the guy would leave a message on my phone, I would not want to call him back, mainly because I didn't like how he told me to call him back. I'm sure that he was a nice guy, and even after 3 years of us still talking on the phone, I would still not call him back, mainly because I just didn't like how he sounded really cold whenever he'd leave a message.

 

You see, with women, we are touched by our emotions. When we feel as though a guy is not emotional, or too cold and rigid, we tend to not want to be around them. Coldness and rigidness tends to come off as a guy being 'uptight.' Uptight guys are equivalent to needy women. Hope this makes sense!