Overly Sensitive boyfriend cold after talking about stuff

[Rinn6]

So ill give ya the whole scoop

Im 20 and he just turned 19. We met at our old work and both had crushes on eachother unknowingly but I was seeing other people at the time. When I ended the previous relationship I decided to hang out with him and see how it went.

 

Turned out it went very well! We both have many things in common and learned from eachother hes smart and outgoing and attractive and he said the same to me etc.

 

At first I was weary dating younger but he proved himself to be more responsible then guys older. But the catch is...that hes never been In a real relationship before.... And im extremely experienced.

 

I warned him of this when we were talking before dating and I said that i wanted something serious and if he was ready for that etc because im sick of people ing me around.

 

He told me over and over hes not the kind of guy who has flings etc (he doesnt even really have female friends) so I trust him etc

 

Carrying on, were extremely happy, we have sex on the daily and its passionate and he says sweet things and wants to prove he really does want me etc.

 

Its amazing. But then comes an issue. Im an experienced party person. I know how to drink and i enjoy social gatherings. Ans weve drabken before no problem.

 

But he invites me over with his guy friends and evreyones drinking and having fun...but hes not? He doesnt finish his drink while evreyone else gets plastered. Then he expects evreyone to be smart and talk normally and then he starts telling me all this about a guy who likes me. And im drunk af man like I couldnt have a serious convo!

 

Anyway the night ends in an argument I dont remember but I end up telling him that I loved him. Which I do. Poor timing I know. But i mafe it clear he didint have to say it back. But he does and explains alot of stuff and its happy but still bad cause im rd.

 

Carrying on ...were now almost 5 months in. He has taken the Ilove you back because hes new to it all and wants to be sure. He still hates drinking but then says oh lets drink but then stops and I dont notice if i socialIzing with others. So weve stopped drinking .New year eve he did it again and , I wanted him to stay the night...he wouldnt so drunk me argued and was hurt. We start having arguments about things here and there. Not screaming at eachother or actual fighting. Were calming talking to eachother and figuring things out and resolving things.

 

Now here is where it started to get bad.

I noticed he doesnt seem to want to stay the night anymore as often. And its the xmas break...confront him and he tells me hes just not used to it yet. (Which is strange because he used to all the time)

 

So i lay off and try and make him comfortable. But then here and there im insecure and confeont him about feelings again. He talks well to me about stuff. But he takes evreything EXTREMELY seriously like its the end of his life. He even cries over the littlest of things...and im not harsh on him or mean in any way...its hard to deal with because im experienced and learn to get over stuff quickly because i dont like to dwell because why be unhappy.

 

But now we sat in the car and i asked if evreything was okay and hes like i dunno and. He tells me hes worried about our "fighting" (hes never seen real fighting) and that he doesnt know how much he can take...

 

I come from a terrible home life where my parwnts fought evrey single day. But not good arguments like bad ones. Im used to everything. But hes not

 

He comes from a sweet quiet happy family. That sweeps problems under the rug so no one sees. His parents are wealthy so theyve never had money problems etc.

 

So just having adult conversations about working things out overwhelmed him. He thinks theyre fighting and their not.

 

Anyway since that conversation we worked things out and its good but... Hes being kind of off. He doesnt want to kiss very much or cuddle (hes not a cuddler anyway which is sad). I always go to his hockey games and made a pact that I wouldnt miss one. But theres a far away game tomorrow and he gave my seat in the car away to his friend in the team...

 

Hes not coming over as much and just is being cold and its killing me. I havent done anything wrong but I feel its so one sided now.

 

Blah I dunno. We want things to work and I really like being with him when hes normal. Its judt so hard because hes so sensitive to ing evreything im scared to bring up anything and be anything then a happy housewife who does whatever makes him happy....ck

 

Im trying to give him space to breathe and so i focus on school and stuff.but i really just want my relationship back

[Andrina]

When things are regressing instead of progressing, it might signal the end. The relationship might be too stressful for him. It's normal to go through many relationships when you're young to figure out who is compatible with you and who isn't. It doesn't sound like you two match very well. If you're not getting your needs met, ask for what you want and if he doesn't comply if the request is reasonable, then he's not who you should be with.

 

On the other hand, you say you have sex daily. When you're that age, seeing a partner every day is a bit smothering, for most. Keep your own separate life besides him, hanging out with girlfriends and having days devoted to your studies and with hobbies/interests. You have plenty of time to be serious and settle down with someone when you're older. Why do you always have to be in a relationship? Can't you be happy solo for a while and enjoy some single freedom sometimes?

[maew]

Have you considered that perhaps you are not very patient with his process? I am a sensitive person as well, and as much as I would like to at times it isn't like we can just switch it on and off. It seems like this kid may not be ready for the kind of life you have right now... I think taking your space will do you both good to give you some perspective.

[quark]

First of all, one year younger is not necessarily "dating younger" lol. I loved your post.. kind of reminds me of my relationships in highschool where I didn't know any better. Please don't take offense to that. I had a "high school sweetheart" who now lives in another state and I often wonder if we would still hit it off--cause I think he's a good guy.

 

Anyway - Maybe now is the time to ask direct questions since he seems to be pulling away..giving your seat to a friend , being distant and such. Find out where you stand. And, if he says he still wants to be in a relationship, then start communicating. Ask him what he wants out of a relationship. Tell him what YOU want (i.e. cuddling!) Build from there. Address the things that you "argue" about and find a middle ground if possible. I know sometimes it seems like it should be obvious.. like your partner should just KNOW whats on your mind and what you want..but that's not the real world. You gotta be up front and honest.

[MissCanuck]

I don't think you two are very compatible.

 

As someone else said, dating one year younger isn't really "dating younger." His age is rather beside the point, from my point of view. You come across as having the view that you know what is right/wrong, and he doesn't. That isn't totally fair. Yes, you might have more relationship experience, but I would take issue with the fact that you seem to assume you know what you are doing and he has no real clue. At only 20, you yourself will learn a lot and grow and mature in the coming years, too.

 

Neither of you is necessarily right or wrong in your approach to life and your relationship. You just don't have styles that work together very well at this point in your lives. My sense is that a break-up is coming, as he's already pulling away from you. Give him some space to process, and then address what is happening.