Am i playing this right?

[notsureanymor]

Me and my girlfriend dated for about 2 years. We broke up in november as we had problems most was my fault as being needy, insecure. anyways she started seeing a guy the day of the breakup (they met 3 days before the breakup) and they still date now. I took about a month on NC. Went out and work out and still do. about around Christmas she reached out using my stuff as a conversation starter. On christmas she wished me and texted my mother separately to wish us a merry Christmas. Same as New Years. 2 weeks ago she was really sick and in the hospital, she somewhat begged me to visit her and seemed really excited for me to come, but not until after visting hours when her bf and family left although she never mentioned it but I have her on snapchat story, which i guess is okay it would be awkward to meet her new bf, nurses let me in after visiting hours too so it worked out. That was the first time i saw her in almost 2 months and it went well and shes healthy now! Now last week i thought it was time to get my stuff back and i told her and she came by, she even stayed for an hour an left because she had work but she seem sad to go which that went well to and it was good company. Anyways since around christmas we been talking “as friends”. She does contact first some cases and even calls me. But its always at night after shes done hanging out with her bf. I know im not the priority but how do i become that overtime because it sucks being a second choice. I know shes willing to hangout aswell but not if she has plans with her bf first. I just been focusing on myself and my connection with her, i been refraining from talking about us, and our future as I haven't brought any of that up since the breakup. I just been going with the flow and trying to ease her up as its a process. Now when we hungout at my house she noticed I got new clothes etc, i been displaying my confidence and trying to keep everything up beat. Now although it sucks being a second choice but i mean she has a bf and thats not in my control right now. Anyways she also never talks about him with me, which is good imo? but she does say "someone" not his name and not "bf". Example - the other day she called me to tell me she got her screen fixed on her phone and said "it cost $85 but someone paid half of it!" this is exactly how she speaks with anything she does but hes always with her.

[shessofly]

You could be dating ladies who actually want to be with you and put you first, but you have accepted being placed in second, in the friendzone while her new guy gets top priority. This is the same guy she chose over you while you were still together. You can't change this, other than to walk away.

[Morello]

Doesn't look like you're second choice. It appears you were friendzoned...

 

Leave this before you get even more hurt.

[Honeycomb8]

Have some self respect seriously.

[SweetGirl28]

Do you really want to hear about the new guy, even though she doesn't mention his name?

You are now her friend. If you are okay with it, keep on doing what you want.

If not, tell her to not contact you. Being her friend won't bring her back into a relationship with you.

You would have to let her miss you, for one thing, which she doesn't have to do because she has your

friendship and his devotion. She has the best of both worlds, but you don't.

[Honeycomb8]

It's also kinda inappropriate to hide you from her bf. She doesn't seem like she has the best morals.

[notsureanymor]

oh no i dont want to hear about the new guy, i never ask aswell and she doesnt speak about him either. Which shows some level respect atleast, I know when i dated her she would definitley mention she has a bf or my name to other people. Also i did like 28 days of NC. She did contact me i guess she did miss me before hand. Now i thought was the time to use any interaction with her to be confident and upbeat, no? or go back to NC?

[Honeycomb8]

Are you forreal?

 

She lacks respect for both of you.

 

 

She's not a good gf, nor is she being honest. Stop being a chump.

[SweetGirl28]

oh no i dont want to hear about the new guy, i never ask aswell and she doesnt speak about him either. Which shows some level respect atleast, I know when i dated her she would definitley mention she has a bf or my name to other people. Also i did like 28 days of NC. She did contact me i guess she did miss me before hand. Now i thought was the time to use any interaction with her to be confident and upbeat, no? or go back to NC?

 

You can use the contact to give it all you've got, or cut it. Your choice.

Have the feeling you're going to keep it in the friend zone as an attempt to make her choose you again.

Good luck, because that plan often backfires. You have to show you have the confidence to walk away

if what they are offering isn't enough for you. How are you showing confidence now? By wearing new clothes

and acting like you're happy when she's around? It isn't going to be enough. She will see right through this.

[IAmFCA]

If you are her friend, be an honest one. Which would mean disclosing the fact that you have an ulterior motive for friendship with her. In turn, such a conversation would dampen the friendship.

 

In everything you do, have integrity between your inner self and your outer one.

 

You can't do that in this situation, so friendship is inappropriate. Exit the friendship.

[DaisyMayPorter]

Is you were her “friend”, she would be telling you all about her boyfriend, not hiding him by calling him “someone.” This must be hard for you to be friends with her so quickly after a breakup. Of course you want more. And she apparently does too- she wants him, and you as her “friend”. I think you need to move on if you ever want a true relationship because it’s not going to happen here. Sorry.