why cant he jsut forgive, forget and get on with me?

[rainbow]

broke up with my bf of five months over two months ago. It was hard because I did'nt want to break up with him, I had to. Why? Because the guy who at first was crazy about me lost interest. That's what I think anyway, cos he just stopped wanting to c me and spend time with me. Anyway, it hurt. At first I just cried and was miserable. Then I got angry. Angry at how lightly he messed with my feelings, angry at how lightly he treated the break up, angry at how it did'nt care and was after and got with other girls very very soon after, angry at how he had changed from the guy I fell for. I texted my mate mate one day saying hi, how r u, the usual stuff and added 'Im over tom. He's turned into such a *beep*. I deserve better and Im not just being arogant.' I sent it to my mate & forgot about it, till....I got a message from tom saying 'I'm sorry I turned into a *beep*, good luck finding someone better, although it will be hard to find someone as mature as you. f*** you.' I then realised that somehow that message had been sent to Matt too. Either someone sent it or it sent in my bag - cruel twist of fate. I did not send it. I went to Tom immediately to apolize. I said I didnt send the message, that I did'nt mean it, I was just hurt and angry. He did'nt understand. He shouted and swore at me and then I eventually left after he just kept saying 'fine' to everything I said. I texted him saying sorry and later e-mailed him. He didnt reply. I saw him after a month, went to his room at uni, to say hi and he was awful to me. He was polite, like answered my questions (didnt ask any of his own) and just sat back in his chair with a smirk on his face. A smirk that made me feel worthless. His mates are ignroing me too. I just wonder why is he being so mean, why cant he ofrigve and forget? It was'nt such a big thing! I mean it sounds so petty, is so petty and were adults more or less! Do i deserve this treatment that makes me feel awful?

[DN]

You don't deserve it but it seems he was on his way out of the relationship anyway and that's why you broke up with him. So it may be that it is not a question of forgive and forget - he just wants to remain out of the relationship.

 

he doesn't exactly sound like the Catch of the Day anyway - at least you don't seem to think so. Why not let it go, get over him and find someone who treats you as you would like to be treated?

[Stinkweed]

I agree with DN. Just forget about him. The fact that he can't forgive you and isn't man enough to behave like an adult shows that you should just forget him. You don't have to stick around anymore. That's definitively what I would do... to hell with them.

[gersanos]

It is possibile that he was hurt by all of this, but was unwilling or unable to express it in an appropriate manner. For example, you sent that text, then when he found word of it and reacted to it, you countered with "i didn't really mean it."

 

The can of worms was unleased when you broke up, and began to crack open with whatever issues were going on prior to the break-up.

 

The smirk, it's simple. Many guys play the "I don't care" type of attitude, like things don't affect them. It is very possiblt that he is a jerk, and it's also very possible that he was just acting like a jerk to protect himself and save face. Remember, you broke up with him.

 

I've noticed that break-ups only get worse as we age. I thought they went down in ugly fashion back in high school, then I went to college and saw things unfold much worse. Yes, you would think that being "adults" thigns would be handled differently, but that's just not the case.

 

Best to leave him alone, and not to contact him. Detach yourself, and in time the negative feelings and thoughts you have of him will subside and you'll begin to really move on. If him and his friends ignore you, then let them. It's either 1) they really are not interested, or 2) they are protecting themselves. The only time I've ever ignored someone I knew is if I felt that they wronged me somehow, and I decided not to include them in my life anymore.

 

Just wanted to throw in some things from a different perspective. Your friends tell you that he's a jerk, move on, well, his friends probably tell him that you're a bit^&, move on.

 

Oh, there is also a quote regarding "forgive and forget..." I believe it was only the naive that believe that.