I'm worried I might just be a bad person

[Ziggy123]

I've hurt several people close to me in my life. I've started a fight a long time ago that ended a best friendship. I hurt a guy who loved me because I didn't love him back but kept leading him on. And worst of all, I cheated on an ex after 2.5 years.

 

Maybe I'm just selfish and that's why I hurt others. I wish I could take away the pain I caused them. They were all things I did out of selfishness and acting out my emotions in the moment, rather than using logic.

 

I have a boyfriend now who I love very much. And I'm scared of hurting him. He is the sweetest guy and I feel like on the inside I am just evil. I don't want to cheat on him at all by the way. But I'm just scared of doing something wrong and hurting him in some way and ruining yet another great thing.

 

Am I really just an evil person? If so then why should I deserve to be here?

[Hollyj]

You are not evil if you recognize your errors, and learn from them.

 

Have you considered counseling to understand your actions?

[Ziggy123]

Yes I have done a ton of counselling. It has helped but I still struggle sometimes.

[Capricorn3]

Yes I have done a ton of counselling. It has helped but I still struggle sometimes.

Recognizing a problem is always a good start. What did you learn about yourself and your actions during counselling? How in depth did the counselling go and for how long?

[Ziggy123]

I've been in counselling after the cheating incident for about a year. I don't go too often anymore because of the cost. But a year ago I was going 1 to 2 times a week.

 

I saw 3 different counsellors in the past year and I feel they were all pretty easy on me. It seems everyone including them and my family and friends think I am too hard on myself. I know I have learned from it and won't do it in the future so it's just a matter of being able to forgive myself now I guess.

[Hollyj]

Forgiveness is the next step.

[Clio]

Everyone makes mistakes that they regret. The key is learning from them and trying not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. It sounds like you have done that. Making new mistakes is unavoidable. It's a part of life. Time to forgive yourself and let go of the past. The person you are today is not the person you were yesterday. Your past self didn't know/hadn't realised the things you now know. You are not a bad person. Just human.

[ShatteredMan]

Forgiveness is the next step.

 

And the hardest to successfully achieve.