a 'friend' for over 25 years

[nessyp54]

I've known this woman since my daughter started nursery school. She has been the one to keep in contact. I've just obliged her. She has taken advantage of my generosity in that she would forget her purse when I had already paid the entrance fee to the cinema on more than one occasion thereby she knew i wouldn't want to go in on my own. She has scrounged lifts conned me out of £50 with her crocodile tears. She is, i know, a parasite. She preyed on me when my husband died. She even asked my daughter for.money - only a few pence but that's not the point. She works when she feels like it and has a very large bank balance. She once said we have little on common - apart from my purse and I'm useful for lifts rarely offering to pay car parking fee. Has kept me waiting every time for about 20 mins while I'm sat waiting in the car. She doesn't drive. She has scrounged so much from me over the years and i have now come to my senses. I cant afford her anymore. We stopped going out as i didn't trust her not to forget her purse. She would never buy a coffee as she always carries a bottle of water and a few nuts. If she does carry her purse she hides money very tightly folded in the corner of her purse thinking i cant see it. I've been a fool and i know longer want her company. It's been no pleasure going anywhere with her because i never know if she's on the scrounge again.

 

This has finally come to a head because she asked if i wanted to go to a concert. I said yes but this time i asked her to book and i would pay her £35. She said she had booked. 3 days before we were supposed to go she said she ad an upset stomach and would not be able to go. I said it shouldn't last king and she then said do u still want to go. Anyway we didn't and she is chasing me for the money. I decided i don't owe her anything. I have blocked her on my phone and live far enough away for her not to visit. But she is persistent by bothering my daughter. I don't feel confident enough to say i no longer want contact with her. But i feel very guilty over this £35 . I will not pay her as she really is a leech. But that doesn't stop me from feeling awful. Your advice would really be appreciated. Thank you.

[pippy longstocking]

Is there any proof she actually paid ? Or is this just another way to sponge money off you ?

[Batya33]

Why don't you owe her the money? I don't think you get to choose how you get repaid for what she owes you and not in this way. Ask her for proof that she paid for your ticket and do the right thing and pay her back. And ask yourself why you gave her so many chances. I had a friend like this but not to that extreme. I ended up cutting ties with her because I had that "last straw" moment. And I really liked a lot of things about her. A year or so later she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I sent her a card through a mutual friend. she didn't respond and she passed away some time later. There is a part of me that wishes I gave her yet another chance but only a part. Just something to consider -in your case, yes I would cut ties, no I wouldn't not pay her back unless you tell her specifically "you already owe me __ so I am not planning on reimbursing you"

[lostandhurt]

Is there any proof she actually paid ? Or is this just another way to sponge money off you ?

 

That is exactly what I was thinking. I would bet she never got the tickets, faked the sickness and now wants money from you that she never spent.

 

I say pay her the money but use it as an excuse to end the friendship. It is an honest statement because it is the straw that broke your back. After all getting rid of her for that amount sounds like a deal!

 

Lost

[seanryder]

Pay her back and be done with her for good.

 

It'll be the best £35 you ever spent!!

[nessyp54]

Thank you. My daughter had the same thought!

[nessyp54]

thank you. I think I gave her so many chances was because she was the only available person to go out with when my husband died. My other pals have husbands so it was easy to put up with her nonsense. But this business over the £35 is the final straw that made me want to break free!

[nessyp54]

I know that is the "right" thing to do, but the thought of me paying back that moocher makes me extremely angry. If the tables had been reversed and I genuinely couldn't make it, I would not have expected her to pay for the ticket.

[pippy longstocking]

Nessy you will come out of this empowered ,believe me ...speak your truth , own your wishes ....pay her back , tell her where to go and you will walk away with your head held high owing her nothing NOTHING ....as someone else said , be the best money you have ever spent .

[ThatwasThen]

I know that is the "right" thing to do, but the thought of me paying back that moocher makes me extremely angry. If the tables had been reversed and I genuinely couldn't make it, I would not have expected her to pay for the ticket.

 

Then contact her and tell her that with all the meals you've bought her, all the rides you've given her and all the shows you paid for, you think you're even and then tell her to please stop hassling your daughter about this because it has nothing to do with her.

 

Then go no contact.

 

Too strong? Then contact her and tell her you put the 35 in the Salvation Army Kettle on her behalf and actually do it. Then block and delete her. That way you're not giving in to her but you're saving your Karma.

[catfeeder]

I'd tell her to mail me the unused ticket if she wants the money.

 

Some places let you trade those in for an exchange or a discounted rate on a replacement--then take your daughter.

 

Beyond that, there are millions of other people in the world who will show up and pay their own way. No need to burn bridges, but no need to make plans with this person when you already know the outcome.

 

Head high.