macdonner Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Good idea or rushing it?? I live in Spain and we have been resident for 6 plus years. As stated before in previous threads, OH has said he wants a divorce and as we were married in Scotland thought we would have to wait the year. From what i've just been reading, in Spain it is possible to get a divorce after 3 months of being married if you are resident (although it does say it relates to English and Welsh laws, can't find anything specific about Scottish law and divorces in Spain). I've had a few drinks with it being NYE and also with the news he has moved on after only 5 months (if not before, was suspicious as on FB I could only see mutual friends of his on his profile, so now thinking he had set it somehow so that I could not see OW as a friend and he has known her longer.....maybe I am just inventing that but seems to fit as he never tried to change settings after I pointed it out one argument lol), so should I email him with a link to show he can get the precious divorce he wants a lot sooner than he wanted?? He wants it after 20 years so why not give it to him.... with stipulations of course.......I can't fight any more and if I'm honest as much as it hurts, he changed so much and is so selfish I'm better off starting again. if 20 years holds no value and he can see someone soon after me and his kids obviously very much old news and not what he wants. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Is this the alcohol talking or do you really feel like it's time to get a divorce? Link to comment
macdonner Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Is this the alcohol talking or do you really feel like it's time to get a divorce? I think I've given up to be honest, there is no hint of reconciliation from him at all. I flat out told him in an email at the start of the month that no friendship would ever happen as to me I am worth more than that. I said if I was not wife material or that our marriage couldn't be saved then i wanted as little to do with his as possible. There was nothing in his response to indicate that I was worth fighting for. Indeed, I'm not even worth the marriage counselling he previously agreed to and now he has a new love interest..... so why am i hanging about when he could get what he wants and I can then be in the frame of mind to move on completely? Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Are you hoping for a miracle and he will suddenly decide he wants you? Are you used to the familiarity and not ready to give it up? Only you know why you put up with this. Personally, I'd divorce the guy and move on with my life. You only get one go round on this earth and you should make the best of it. Link to comment
macdonner Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Are you hoping for a miracle and he will suddenly decide he wants you? Are you used to the familiarity and not ready to give it up? Only you know why you put up with this. Personally, I'd divorce the guy and move on with my life. You only get one go round on this earth and you should make the best of it. Nope, we've had years of playing games and i'm over him changing his mind, I've been looking at jobs and home rentals in the UK to prepare for going back there when the kids finish school in June.... why should I waste anymore time on this selfish waste of space? if we can get a divorce sooner rather than later I feel in my head it means I can say it is definitely all done and dusted and I can get on with it! Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 If this isn't a kneejerk reaction, use the information and you file. He doesn't need you to tell him he can get divorced faster, there's literally no logical reason for you to give him that info. If you're legit, it will be incredibly liberating to take that first step yourself. If you're a little tipsy and hurt, you're doing it to poke at him. He's not a good guy from the sounds of it but there's no reason to pick at the scab, leave it be. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Nope, we've had years of playing games and i'm over him changing his mind, I've been looking at jobs and home rentals in the UK to prepare for going back there when the kids finish school in June.... why should I waste anymore time on this selfish waste of space? if we can get a divorce sooner rather than later I feel in my head it means I can say it is definitely all done and dusted and I can get on with it! You shouldn't waste another second on this guy, based on what you said. If you can hang in there til June, til school is over, then good for you. I'd want to end it long before that! Link to comment
macdonner Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 If this isn't a kneejerk reaction, use the information and you file. He doesn't need you to tell him he can get divorced faster, there's literally no logical reason for you to give him that info. If you're legit, it will be incredibly liberating to take that first step yourself. If you're a little tipsy and hurt, you're doing it to poke at him. He's not a good guy from the sounds of it but there's no reason to pick at the scab, leave it be. Unfortunately I think he will have to know as he will have to pay for it all! I am a SAHM with no saving and he has been paying a set amount each month since August which i use for rent and to pay bills, groceries etc. I could ask my Dad to help me pay for the divorce but he has offered to help pay for the move back to the UK and he is not a wealthy man. my ex is in a well-paid job and can more than afford to pay for it..... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Yes contact an attorney asap. You'll need one sooner or later either way. If you are not working, your attorney can make him pay for the divorce. Also you'll have a set alimony and child support arrangement. The reason he's not filing is because it's cheaper for him to do this:I am a SAHM with no saving and he has been paying a set amount each month since August which i use for rent and to pay bills, groceries etc. Link to comment
macdonner Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Yes contact an attorney asap. You'll need one sooner or later either way. If you are not working, your attorney can make him pay for the divorce. Also you'll have a set alimony and child support arrangement. The reason he's not filing is because it's cheaper for him to do this: Thanks Wiseman. I have done some more research and I may be eligible for legal Aid so that will help as I feel he may get nasty!! Will be seeing a lawyer hopefully this week if not next. Thanks for all the advice guys. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Agree with Wiseman. Wish you the best of luck! Link to comment
macdonner Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Agree with Wiseman. Wish you the best of luck! Thanks! Just been hunting for my marriage certificate and it looks like he has it in the papers he took when he left.......ordered a new one but as soon as here it will be in my hand on the way to the lawyers office! Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Thanks! Just been hunting for my marriage certificate and it looks like he has it in the papers he took when he left.......ordered a new one but as soon as here it will be in my hand on the way to the lawyers office! Awesome! Yes you should deffinetely qualify for legal aid and since he was the bread winner he will be made to pay. Good luck! New year, new you! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I filed for the divorce but after reviewing the finances my husband was required to pay for the divorce. Link to comment
macdonner Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 I filed for the divorce but after reviewing the finances my husband was required to pay for the divorce. I'll see what the lawyers say, I don't want to be nasty or greedy but will ask for reasonable things that i feel is appropriate after 20 years together....I just want it done and dusted so i can get on with my life! Link to comment
macdonner Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 Just an update to say that the copy of my marriage certificate arrived today! i have already messaged one solicitor to ask of I can have a consultation about divorce.....I've been thinking about it a lot up til now, going through mixed emotions but i want to move on as hard as it is. I think I know what arrangements I want so as i'm not being greedy (although he earns a very good wage even after tax!) but i will wait and see what the solicitor recommends...... Link to comment
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