AnyaASDFG Posted December 20, 2017 Share Posted December 20, 2017 My boyfriend and I have been together since the end of sophomore year in highschool. It is currently the end of our first semester in college. So 2.5 years together.. The first year together was magic.. I have never felt so close to someone in my life and honestly I feel like I never will again. The second year was good, but there were problems. He said he felt as if I were not giving him enough time and he felt ignored, even though I left all my friends for him and spent almost every day with him. It started escalating to the point of where I started asking him permission to go see my friends and he'd get mad that I'd rather spend time with other people. He also lost trust in me because rumors were being spread about me in school being with other guys and doing them sexual favors, which were not true, but he must have believed them. Because of this , he found the passwords to all my social media accounts and monitored them regularly without me knowing for a long time.. which made me incredibly mad when I found out. We would fight really hard but make up really passionately later. I thought no conflict could tear us apart because I thought our love for each other could conquer all. Apart from this, our relationship was amazing.. so passionate, and I loved him so so much. I feel that things started really going downhill when college started. We both moved four hours away from home to go to college together. Things were great at first, we finally had the freedom to spend as much time together as we wanted. But after a few weeks I started making friends and spending some time after class just hanging out with my new aquaintances. He got upset at the fact that I wasn't spending as much time with him anymore, which I understand, so I ditched my new friends and spent all my time with him again. However, he did make a pretty female friend that I was really jealous of. He must've liked that I was jealous over him so he started doing things like mentioning how pretty she was,or how fun she was to be around. This hurt me really bad and I made efforts to look better for him, etc. It escalated eventually to the point of him calling me a worthless for the rumors that were spread about me and telling me she and I were on the same level to him now,and all I did was cry in front of him and beg him to stop hurting me. He apologized later and asked to start over and I agreed. She went away but other problems started. We fought a lot again and I'll admit I said really rude things to him too,and ignored him for days when I was mad. He kept monitoring my accounts and keeping track of where I was when I wasn't replying to him. I know his intentions weren't bad. He just couldn't trust me and he felt insecure. He would get really sad on days when I didn't feel like having sex, saying I must be not attracted to him anymore, so I'd say okay even if I didn't feel like it, and it resulted in unpleasant sex and ultimately this kindof made it really hard to get turned on around him. I felt really hurt by him a lot of the time, and I felt like the passion and chemistry and emotional connection was slipping away, and it was hard to want sex with him at a time of so much stress. So that only made things worse. Anyways, right before Thanksgiving break, I was about to go catch my bus to visit my family, when he got really upset/mad and basically said I shouldn't visit my family and I should stay with him. I said I see him every day anyways and I want to see my family at least sometimes. (We had this same fight when I went home for my birthday, too.) He was crying and really upset that I'd be gone for a few days, so I hugged him and kissed him and told him it'll be okay, even though I was extremely mad that I have to fight to go see my parents. I had to go catch my bus but he wasn't letting go of the hug... He just held me tighter and tighter and wouldn't let go so that I couldn't get on the bus. I was about to miss my bus but he still wouldn't let me go. I was crying and I literally had to kick and scream to get him to let go of me. I was so so mad oh my god it just wasn't fair, what did I do do deserve that kind of treatment. At that moment I was so mad and fed up that I felt no love for the first time So over the break we didn't text or talk much. I was still super mad. One night I was really horny but I was still extremely mad at my boyfriend so I just went online, found a hot guy and exchanged pictures and had a really sexual conversation. The next day I have 53 missed calls from my boyfriend.. he found the messages because he had my account password and was monitoring my account again. I was panicking so bad, we talked on the phone , we both cried a lot. All the feelings came back for me, and I couldn't believe I did such a thing the night before, I don't think I ever regretted something this much in my life. He said he can't forgive me for this, which I understand.. He said he will be taking an opportunity to move to Germany in a few weeks and that we're over, even though he loves me still. I love him too.. I feel that deep inside I felt like our relationship was dying, and it hurts so much to think about. It hurts that even if I begged him to stay, our problems wouldn't go away, and they'd only get worse... but it's so hard to respect his space now and let him go. I have so much guilt and regret. I don't know how I'm going to get over this. I've honestly never felt so much pain in my life. someone help me what do I do Link to comment
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