rainydayzzz Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Hello (insert a big hand wave to you all) Just found this forum whilst browsing online. I hope it is okay to post this here. If anyone reads this and replies....you are a STAR Is anyone able to help me out as this issue has contributed to confusion regarding my sexual orientation: Real life feelings: Basically I am a woman in her mid 20's (a virgin by choice). My sexuality has felt consistent all of my life. In real life I am attracted to guys but have a low desire for intimacy and feel no attraction to women at all so I can tell I have a preference and based on this have always considered myself straight (If I walk into a room I can notice an attractive guy in a date-able way but with women I can think she is pretty but feel no romantic or physical attraction no matter how beautiful or cute and funny she is). Seems pretty simply right? Well here is where it gets confusing. Online/fantasy: For over a decade I have watched mainly lesbian sexual content online (turned on by watching porn, erotic movies, sometimes sexy nude pictures of women) and have mainly lesbian fantasies where I am involved in making out with a woman. The fantasies rarely involve real life women but you can add in a fantasies/thoughts I've had about one or two female celebrities and a female athlete and a brief sexual thought about a colleague (in real life when I saw the colleague after the brief sexual thought I analysed if I felt any attraction to her in a physical or romantic way and the answer was a resounding "girl no" lol and I see her in a sisterly type of way actually as we do get on and have laughs as colleague who are friendly. I have also reached my first orgasm watching lesbian content and being inspired to fantasize abut women and for whatever reason I can get turned on by thinking of men but have a hard time orgasm to thoughts of men (I put it down to still being a virgin and not knowing due to different body parts what it would feel like to be with a man, i feel i can relate to thoughts of women due to similar body parts). Child/teen years online/fantasy stuff When I was 10 years old, I noticed a naked picture of a woman on a magazine and stared at it and definitely made an intention to check the picture out. I didnt fantasize bout the naked woman at this age and dont recall feeling any butterflies. When I was a mid teens (I am in my mid 20s now) I engaged in cyber sex with a girl (text only, no videos, pictures) and got turned on but didnt go back to chatting with her after that one time. During the same age time period, I also pretended to be a boy online several times and private messaged a few girls and flirted with them-can't remember if the chats got sexual but I may have enjoyed it. Again, I spoke to each girl just once and didnt establish an emotional connection with them at all. During this time (16-18 years old) my internet behaviors didn't translate to real life feelings i.e. when I was at school, I never had any crushes on girls or anyone from the same sex. I also didnt analyse why I did what I did and never thought much about it. Conclusion and question I've obviously been watching lesbian content, engaged in some teen same sex sexual text based chats that did not last and same sex fantasies for a long time. The most consistent thing I know is that none of this has made me desire to experiment with women in real life. There just isnt anything there in the very least. So what do I base my sexual orientation on real life feelings or the lesbian fantasies/lesbian content and short lived teen same sex cyber sex? Also a disclaimer: I've spent most of this year analyzing my real life feelings (analysed my reactions to women, realized that it isn't hard for me to identifying when I am attracted to guy even on a superficial level but it was impossible to identify an form of attraction to real life women other than seeing them in a sisterly/friend type of way). so I am not confused about this, just confused on what to base my sexual orientation on. I am also not holding anything back in my desires for women, if I truly felt a desire (even if it was the smallest, smallest form) for women in real life I would have no problem owning that as there is no shame or problemo with lgbt at all.[/b] Link to comment
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