Am I about to get ghosted?

[sanx]

Hi all, I'll try to keep this as informative as possible, sorry for the length, and thanks anyone who can help.

 

I have been dating this girl for the last 2-3 months, and things seem to have been going great. In the early stages she seemed keen to involve communication through text, and also facebook. Messages in the early stages were long, excited and involved - usually only within a few hours of each other's messages. That however recently, has changed significantly, yet, I cannot seem to understand what the reason is and feel it could be worth seeking advice before proceeding.

 

-Date one consisted of us going to movies of which I covered all costs including dinner and she came back to my place in kind of a 'netflix and chill' type scenario. Went great. Communication stayed strong after this date.

-Date two consisted of going to a lagoon, swimming and having some lunch. Shared costs this time. Again, went well, communication stayed strong after this.

-Date three - netflix, specific movies (50shades series upon her enthused requests) at her place, ended up being an overnight stay. She covered takeaway cost - in lieu of her making dinner, of which she'd said she would.

 

Each situation we had sex. Not sure if this is relevant, but mentioning it anyway. Her current status is separated. Her and her husband have split since around March this year. They were together 3 years, and married only 5 months. There has been no official talk of 'where this is going' or of such.

She comes across as wanting to explore something longterm with someone. However, I could be completely wrong.

 

What changed - Communication shortly after date three was still good, but it started to dwindle - noticeably. Messages would go 'seen' on Fb, for extended periods of time, up to 24 hours with no reply, yet had been online many times in between. No, I was not sitting there watching her activity incessantly, just noticed she'd been online many times in between. The length of replies most noticable change - much shorter than before. Until eventually, I'd confirmed a future date with her, casually slipping in there 'great, i'd started to think you had lost interest hahaha' of which she replied 'of course not ' .

 

Yet, following this, she'd opened the communication herself asking 'how's your week going' of which i replied a few hours later a long message, outlining what I had been doing, asking her a few questions etc. She has since seen that on Tuesday morning, been on facebook many many times since then, and has not replied at all. That is now, 72 hours ago.

 

She is currently on holiday with her mum and daughter, and while some may say this is the reason - that she is busy, I agree, however, she is on facebook a lot during this holiday and a simple reply takes 1 minute? My understanding is this is indicative of an incoming ghosting.

 

I'd like any help or advice, as to if I should now message her something like "Hello!?" or just leave it, and wait for her to respond (if she even ever does). I get that she doesn't owe me anything, however it would be nice to receive a simple 'it's been fun, not feeling a connection, goodluck' if it indeed is that, rather than waiting around wondering what is going on.

Any advice is appreciated.

[smackie9]

Back off the communication until she gets back. She obviously has no interest in messaging you during her vaycay. You have already sent her a message...the ball is in her court to respond.

 

Just me but I feel you are way too invested in her. If she was so totally into you she wouldn't hesitate to message you all the time no matter what. Like I always say an interested person is a person that can't wait to hear from you. I believe she is looking at this as a casual thing as she adjusts to single life after her separation.

 

I must warn you "separation" means she is still married. Things can change over night and they reconcile.

[sanx]

Thanks for the reply, I agree I may be coming across as too invested. I believe it's my mind more than my heart at this stage.

[thorough]

Thanks for the reply, I agree I may be coming across as too invested. I believe it's my mind more than my heart at this stage.

 

I would say due to my (sad) experience of being ghosted. Do not contact her and if she does, wait a couple days.

[sanx]

I think part of my problem is I literally refuse to date multiple people at once - I'm starting to consider this a flaw in my approach to modern day dating.

I see what you are saying, and while many other people would likely say the same thing as you throrough, I dislike the 'text game/s'.

I'm starting to feel that dating these days is setting a mostly toxic form of mannerisms.

I'm a firm believer that if someone values your time, and is genuinely interested in you, they will make the effort to contact / reply / see you. Those that cannot make these basic efforts are either :

*not interested

*a commitmentiphobe

*have found a better option

-- or in some cases the person ghosting, has realised that the person they are dating is looking for things they are not interested in fulfilling or pursuing, but instead of having any decency about them, leaves the other person in limbo, holding an (often times dating exclusive) position for them for even weeks on end. Disgusting unintegral behaviour. :(

[Trinity11]

How many dates have you been on In this 2 or 3 months? 3???

If that's the case and I somehow read this wrong I'd be backing away because I thought you weren't interested.

 

Also if she is after something casual after her separation and you're not and she senses or knows this, she may not want to hurt you.

[Asb682]

How many dates have you been on In this 2 or 3 months? 3???

If that's the case and I somehow read this wrong I'd be backing away because I thought you weren't interested.

 

Also if she is after something casual after her separation and you're not and she senses or knows this, she may not want to hurt you.

 

Yea I kinda agree with this. You should be having about one date a week, not one date a month! Wouldn’t shock me if someone else has captured her interest at this point. But all that aside, she is on holiday, which I feel is an acceptable reason not to respond, wait and see how she acts when she gets back. And if you really like her and want to keep seeing her, step up your game by asking her on more dates and texting a bit less.

[Hollyj]

You've only had three dates in three months?????

 

Why are you dating a married woman?

[dave4443]

May as well send another message if she is ghosting one more won't matter, it does sound like same thing that happened to me so sorry bro :(

Think of it if you were on holiday you'd still reply at least once q day in these early stages. And yeah after this talking too a few at once is a good idea, sucks when you're just looking for something proper but it's a way of keeping yourself a bit more emotionally uninvested

[gijeanie]

Back off communication and wait and see what happens.

[hlethorn1]

Long amounts of texting can be boring....... "how was your day?" "fine yours?" "yeah not bad cheers" blah blah blah whatever

 

It isn't surprising she hasn't replied, especially during the early stages of a relationship where you probably haven't really bonded yet.

 

You should aim to keep texting to a minimum, especially during the early stages. Your aim should always be to arrange a date, where you can be with her in person and bond - you're not going to be able to bond via a phone.

 

You should definitely not appear pissy/moody with "Hello?!?" messages - you need to act as if you don't care as you've been spending time with other women.

 

I would wait for 1 maybe 2 weeks since your last message. Ask how she's been, what her schedule is like the coming week with the aim to have a catch up, in person. When she tells you her availability, pick a day and set a definite date - perhaps cook dinner together at yours. If she says she is busy, and doesn't offer another day tell her you understand and that she should get in touch with you when she's free - at which point you move on and don't look back. Assume whatever you need to help you move on - she's really busy with work or she's ing another guy.