Should you feel bad for ending things with someone whose depressed?

[Whocares479]

Don't get me wrong, this guy was not making me feel good at all. He would constantly disappear for days on ends, claiming he's busy. I start to try to accommodate his "busy" lifestyle by letting him not talk to me for 2 days then call or text me at night. FYI, we met when he was in my city but he eventually went back home which is 12 hours away.

 

I told him I was coming to his city for vacation with my friend, and he acted like he was happy to see me. Still he disappeared then reappeared. I finally got to his city yesterday and heard nothing from him. I expected him to contact me because 1) The last message was sent from me asking him how his phone call with his dysfunctional parent go TWO days ago with no response 2) He know I was coming to his city. I could of sent another text saying I was in town but could of would of should of. I don't want to blame myself for this even though I technically am. Anyways, I sent a text saying how I was disapointed because he knows I'm in town and made no effort to see me and tbh if he forgot I dont want him either because who forgets that someone they really like is coming after they haven't seen her in months, how his effort with me is terrible, and he has gotten too many chances so I'm done.

 

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Waiting for his text/calls gave me anxiety and they came like clockward around 11pm at night. I was chasing the idea of what he could be and not who he really was. Problem is, last time we spoke on the phone he told me he drinks heavily to supress his depression. He was very nonchalant about it and I tried to tell him to go get help.

 

This seems extremely irrelevant but the "I wanna help him" in me is the ONLY thing making me regret what I said. I know it's terrible but I just feel bad. Felt so good for finally standing up for myself but now I feel like maybe I was too harsh? He ignored my I'm done message as well. Im assuming and after 7 hours of no reply I just blocked him because my anxiety is terrible.

 

Thank you for reading this long pist, any input would be amazing.

[IAmFCA]

You did the right thing; he is not a good investment.

[rosephase]

Depression doesn't make you horrible that's him. Lots of people manage their depression without being jerks. How he is treating you is him being a jerk. Your desire to put aside your own feelings and the way he is treating you to "help" him is a super co-dependent impulse. Find someone who wants to be with you instead of adding to your up your anxiety for someone who can't offer you anything in the way of respectful treatment.

[Andrina]

You're not a robot so it's okay to briefly feel upset, but ultimately he didn't meet your needs and you always have to to what's best for yourself. You can't sacrifice your life because someone has depression and hasn't done what's needed to help himself.

[Whocares479]

Y'all are right. Right now, my thoughts are my worse enemy. They are trying to rationalize his behavior.

[Pleasedonot5]

Y'all are right. Right now, my thoughts are my worse enemy. They are trying to rationalize his behavior.

As mentioned before, these feelings are normal because you aren't a robot. Rest assured that you made the right decision. He was not meeting your needs and so you made the decision to leave. Yeah it sucks to hurt someone, but at the end of the day, his behavior was also hurting you, and you deserve someone who will at the *very least* make time for you.

[Whocares479]

As mentioned before, these feelings are normal because you aren't a robot. Rest assured that you made the right decision. He was not meeting your needs and so you made the decision to leave. Yeah it sucks to hurt someone, but at the end of the day, his behavior was also hurting you, and you deserve someone who will at the *very least* make time for you.

 

I honestly don't think I hurt him one bit. He doesn't seem to care about me at all..