I’m confused and unsure

[Skunkumo]

I really love my boyfriend, we’ve together for nearly a year now and along the way we’ve had many complex situations to deal with that were inevitable and out of our control. He’s older then me and i’m about to turn 18 in the new year. However, he’s had some paranoia about the relationship, me being under age. For one, he can face legal issues if we’re discovered and secondly he doesn’t want my father to find out and kill me.

 

However, up until recently, we basically did all things normal, talked on the phone (long distance relationship) and of course toned down intimacy (haven’t had sex yet) to feel comfortable. However he’s gotten paranoid in the last month and got angry at me recently for bringing up the situation we were in because apparently I wasn’t supposed to mention it, especially over message. But i’m not sure if he was 100% clear on it, like it was quite ambiguous and I wouldn’t have mentioned it if it would upset him to that degree. I’ve been suffering from mental illness issues and maybe I could’ve somehow misunderstood.

 

Anyway, he proposed we don’t speak till I turn 18. But I never really got the chance to feel any closure or understanding and think it could be a bit over kill? Like it’s extremely hard not being able to talk with him and being so emotionally attached. I’m just worried that he’ll leave me and is waiting to tell me that at a safe time, or over the time of not speaking he’ll lose love for me. I feel like my unintentional stuff ups have really annoyed him, but they’re not major they’re silly little mistakes which are normal. Things he’s done himself. I don’t know if i’m being so paranoid?

 

What also doesn’t help is that he’s on the spectrum for autism and is very high functioning but that impairs his social skills. Like sometimes I feel like he doesn’t give me enough reassurance but he’s pretty good sometimes.

 

I keep reminding myself of the times he says he takes these extreme measures to ‘keep me’ . Which is so sweet but I really must have low confidence in myself to not 100% believe it or think it applies to this. He did say things will resume to normal.

 

I’ve just been struggling and I don’t like the feeling of us being anything other then normal. I am also finding it hard that he hasn’t budged! Like emotional weakness to send a text like I have. Like even if he did it just one time, I’ll be just comforted to know he’s going through the same hardship as me. Look if anyone can help maybe experiencing a partner with slight asbergous?

 

Am I selfish or missing the point? Like I understand his reasons but also, think not talking for nearly 2 months is slightly over kill.

 

Waiting isn’t the issue, i’d wait a millennium for him it’s just his lack of showing emotion.

[MissCanuck]

How old is he, OP?

 

Also, since you are long-distance, how much time do you spend together in person?

[Skunkumo]

28

We see each other at least every month. He makes the effort and drives 600km

[Seraphim]

He is being very wise. Kudos to him. Does he really want to be branded as a sexual offender well no probably not . My son has Aspergers and they are very logical mostly. YOU are responsible for assuring yourself he isn’t. He shows good sense for not wanting to be on the inside for prison cell or wanting to be labelled a sex offender so he can never get a job and never have a life . I would leave the poor kid alone .

[MissCanuck]

Well, he is smart to put the cap on this for now. You are too young for a man who's nearly 30, and he knows it. That's not a shot at you, by the way. Legalities aside, you two are also in very different stages of your lives.

 

I think you would be wise to leave this one be. Even after you are of age, it's going to be hard to sustain a LDR with a guy 11 years older than you at this stage of your life.

[Seraphim]

Wait until you are 18.

[Seraphim]

Well, he is smart to put the cap on this for now. You are too young for a man who's nearly 30, and he knows it. That's not a shot at you, by the way. Legalities aside, you two are also in very different stages of your lives.

 

I think you would be wise to leave this one be. Even after you are of age, it's going to be hard to sustain a LDR with a guy 11 years older than you at this stage of your life.

Actually many people with Aspergers are about 10 years behind their peers in social development so it makes a lot of sense BUT he has probably wizened up to the legality.