What happened?

[hrb23]

TLDR: My ex cheated on me and left me in Jan/Feb then continued a relationship with me (and her new guy) until around June time. I finally went hard NC (and so did she) in June. Since then I did pretty okay, I live overseas without any family but my family visited in August and we had a blast. I was in one short relationship which I put down as a rebound that lasted through July. In October I started dating someone super nice! We have tons in common but recently, since the holidays started around Thanksgiving I've been missing my ex A LOT. I texted her a bunch of stuff the other day completely breaking 6 months or so of hard NC. I thought she'd never reply but actually she did today. She told me to please stop contacting her. Which I will. I'm not trying to go down that wormhole again. Anyway, why the heck did I get so far and then suddenly miss her SO MUCH all of a sudden after 6 months. Is it because I was deep down hoping she'd reach back out and she never did so I had to?

 

I kinda just wanna jump town, leave my stable, high income job and leave all the memories and the hope behind. I've been through therapy and I've started dating again but I'm just not gonna get over my first love the way I want to. I'm still comparing everyone in sight to her and am still terrified I'll never feel the same about anyone again. I guess I'm reaching out to her because I want it to be as easy as never having to find that connection with anyone again.

 

Last night I went on what will be the last date with the girl I've been seeing. I can't keep doing this and have realized it just isn't fair. I need to find a way to figure out how to beat this horrible addiction I have for my ex and wonder if anyone has any suggestions for getting past a sudden reoccurrence of that post break up feeling almost 6 months into hard NC?

 

I don't want to have to go back to therapy. I want to figure this out for myself. But will I ever get past this?

[Jillstrand23]

You are fixated on someone who has told you she is not interested. You also always only remember the good memories and not the bad ones so try to remember what it is ACTUALLY like to be in a relationship with your ex, it wasn't all roses and peaches was it now ??

[DancingFool]

Why on earth do you want someone who cheated on you? Serious question.

 

Look, getting over someone takes time. Getting over being cheated on takes even more time. You have to allow yourself to grieve and go through all the mess of it - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance at long last. You are still bargaining at this point and yes, it's normal for holiday season to bring this out.

 

While you are still going through that....please don't get involved with other women. Just like you don't like being hurt, don't do same to others. OR perhaps rethink what you are losing in this girl you are dating. IS your ex really worth losing this new girl over, especially since your cheating subhuman filth of an ex isn't coming back anyway? Maybe you need to commit to your new relationship and deal with your emotions privately, as in get a grip.

[Honeycomb8]

No I don't think any more girls need to be used as distraction from ur feelings of pain and discomfort. Stay single and keep single for at least 7-8 months, THEN date.

[melancholy123]

You may not want to but I think you need to go back to therapy and get this problem solved once and for all. What you are doing isnt working.

[hrb23]

Why on earth do you want someone who cheated on you? Serious question.

 

Look, getting over someone takes time. Getting over being cheated on takes even more time. You have to allow yourself to grieve and go through all the mess of it - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance at long last. You are still bargaining at this point and yes, it's normal for holiday season to bring this out.

 

While you are still going through that....please don't get involved with other women. Just like you don't like being hurt, don't do same to others. OR perhaps rethink what you are losing in this girl you are dating. IS your ex really worth losing this new girl over, especially since your cheating subhuman filth of an ex isn't coming back anyway? Maybe you need to commit to your new relationship and deal with your emotions privately, as in get a grip.

 

I think a lot of it is just not being as attracted to this girl which I think is due to the way we met. Attraction grows and with my ex we had a long and beautiful period of time where we were friends and started to have a really strong attraction grow between us which eventually turned into a relationship.

 

This new girl I met on tinder and there was nothing really before that. Just a cold start based upon things we knew we liked mutually. I don't feel like there's anything special there like there was before.

 

I KNOW most of my fear comes from the hope and worry I might not find something as special as I did with my ex at the start.

 

You may not want to but I think you need to go back to therapy and get this problem solved once and for all. What you are doing isnt working.

 

All I'm doing is what my therapist told me to, and that's not working. I'm putting in 50 hours at my job, and when I'm not doing that I have plans all the time, or potential plans. I really don't have time to mope around or feel sorry for myself, but when I think about her it hurts a lot, and that's started happening more than ever recently.

 

She actually told me to date and meet other women too, which I've done, but I just think this was bad advice. Either that or I haven't met the right person yet.