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I had a gun to my head 3 days thinking what to do

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8 months ago i met this girl , it started by one night stand to meeting every possible time since we didn't live in the same country or city..we texted each other like crazy every day and i decided to move and live there , to overcome the distance.I am not a kid, i am 47 and she is 37 , and with time we fall in love, she told me almost every day how much she loves me and misses me, and i said the same...we broke up twice and it was always done by her due to love for someone else..her boss..and she promised its over , claiming she is not ready but she came back apologizing, and crying how much i respected her and not insulted or attacked her , my approach was 100% respect ..something she was never used to it by guys she met in the past..she told me that she drinks at home trying to overcome her past, and I would try to be gentle and tell her not to drink..she have me..


she would cry and tell me that she is to me and I am so understanding and loving, no ,man ever did things to her and her kids like i did...I felt that this build our trust to be together and overcome her issues...


she mentioned once that she can be cruel and cold and hurt people by intent..i ignored it, I felt confident enough to ignore it with time I discovered that she ed her bosses at her work places where she worked..i said to myself "ok..it's past..its not my business" but i learned that she was in love with her current boss but she told me she ended it and they only kissed one time..hummm any way a month ago we met and it was a perfect weekend, 10 days later she started to get cold again, then 10 days before i fly to see her she texts me that she has no feelings for me any more...i went there any ways and we met for lunch and said goodbye..i had to see her..she asked me not to text her ever cause she doesn't keep with her exex..to my face I am an ex..and even blocked my whatsapp during I am there...


I went there to marry her, and she asked me why i didn't tell her before, and i said that these things can't be done by text..like breaking up...


well.it has been a month, I am depressed like a dog and seriously think of ending my life..i am 47..i was never humiliated like this in my whole life, besides ..i did not share this with anyone..i just keep it to myself..and my heart is blowing...and i keep loking at my gun..it scares me to think like this, but the pain is blowing my mind...to cut me off like this and throw me like a dog...

anyone has an idea? thanks

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I have recently been cut off as well after doing all I could to be the best I could be....it's brutal for sure and we will suffer for a while yet.


Please give your guns to a trusted friend.


I know that suicide taps us on the shoulder when we go into that horrible place....but it ain't the way home.


And if you think 47 is too old to start again, I am 49...


If you get into that space again, please call one of the suicide prevention hotlines. They're free and they do a wonderful job...


And you're not alone. Not at all.


Stay Strong and Patient. Let Time weave it's magic.



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