ANAL SEX - Question?

[scaredsilly]

I have a question, my wife has a medical condition that prevents her from having anal sex. I have never experienced anal sex before and I knew that her condition would prevent us from experiencing it together once she had her operation. We have been married since 1999 and this has NEVER been an issue for me, however, my wife is insecure about it. She feels (she told me this) like less of a woman and wife because she cannot offer this option to me and allow us to experience it.

 

Here is my question...

It is not a priority for me to have anal sex, since I have never tried it, I dont know what its like. However, my wife has mentioned on more than one occasion, that she would consider allowing me to try it with an outside woman to experience it one time.

 

Wouldnt this cause more problems than it is worth? Like I said, its not a priority, I would by lying if I said I had not thought about it though....but its definitely not a priority, its more out of curiosity as to what it feels like. Anyway, to me it seems like it cause more problems than its worth, but at the same time, it seems like everyone could be involved and it could be fun? I guess I am just not really convinced on the idea though....

 

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks.

[CarrieB123]

What do you think it feels like? Thats probably what it feels like.

 

Next question, doing it with another women, most likely it would ruin your marriage, if not ruin it, put a damper on it.

 

Why would your wife really want you to do that?

[Iceman26]

Let her know that her vagina is enough, and that if you wanted to do it in the butt you wouldnt have married her.

 

That should close the deal right there, it doesnt seem like you are to hot on the idea of butt sex anyways, am I right?

[From_Now_On]

My opinion:

 

More trouble than it's worth. Curiosity killed the cat. But it's not just that. Whether she admits it or not...it would kill her to have you 'with' some other woman. ESPECIALLY if you ended up finding out you DID like it and she couldn't offer it to you. It's just lose-lose all the way around. If you love her, I suggest you just enjoy what you have. And let her know it's no big concern for you and you are completely satisfied with all that she has to give because it's her and that's all you really want in the first place. (If that's true, lol). I'm a lil bit of a romantic-type I've discovered...but something along those lines anyway, if that's truly how you feel.

 

Best of Luck to You.

 

-FNO

[Day_Walker]

Unless you and your wife have an open marriage I wouldnt consider it an option, potentially there could be problems down the line because of it. Although it is your choice, but before you choose I would weigh your options and forcast how your wife would act afterwards since you know her personality after all of that has gone through your mind then make your decision.

[scaredsilly]

Well, like I said, I knew when we were going out and engaged that she had to be operated on. With that said, I knew that anal sex was not an option for us.

 

However, she has explained on more than one occasion that she would like for me to experience it. She knows I have never had it and its not a priority for me (if it was, I wouldnt be here), its just a curiosity because I have never done it. I definitely dont lose sleep over it.

 

I think from her standpoint, its an insecurity.

I think that she cannot offer it, so the only way for me to experience it is if I do it with someone else. Even if I was selfish and wanted to do this, I think it would do nothing but cause problems down the road?

[chai714]

Part of being in a healthy relationship is making your partner feel good about herself. By wanting and expressing the desire to have something she can't offer, you're demeaning her and it's potentially damaging your (sexual) relationship with her.

 

Love often involves sacrifice. I'm opposed to any sexual relations outside of a marriage, as I've never seen any benefits of it and only conflict. Is it worth jeopardizing your marriage to satisfy your curiosity?

[CarrieB123]

I think from her standpoint, its an insecurity

 

Well its good you see that, and I am glad you are not planning on doing it because your right it will cause problems down the road. And I am sure her procedure was not a welcomed operation, so you should stand strong by her side, and never ever ever mention the term "anal sex" to her. Just my opinion.

[scaredsilly]

I agree, part of being in a healty relationship is making your partner feel good. I AM NOT DEMEANING ANYONE. What you dont understand is that I am not pursueing this, your making it seem like I am pestering her to let me try it with someone and that is not the case at all.

 

I am just curious what could happen? Why she mentions it? If I am right by thinking it could hurt us? etc.

[CarrieB123]

Sorry if I am being pushy I dont mean to be, and I think its great that you are on here searching for reasons.

 

And I think she is saying it to you to be a "good wife" to be giving and aware of the fact that she cant provide herself for anal sex. She also might be saying it to get a reaction from you, I dont mean she is playing games, but maybe just curious about how important anal sex is to you.

[someguy69]

First of all, let me tell you that you're not missing anything. Despite all the hype, anal sex really isn't that spectacular (naughtiness factor aside).

 

If she's already feelng inadequate by not being able to have anal sex with you, letting you have anal sex with somebody else doesn't seem like it will help matters any, and it certainly won't eliminate her curiosity in the matter.

 

Besides, anal sex is the most risky sex act for disease (i.e. HIV) transmission. Best to avoid it with anyone but your lifelong sex partner.

[RayKay]

I think that "going elsewhere" would definitely be playing with fire, and treading into territory that both you and your wife will have problems with down the road (possibly sooner rather than later).

 

She definitely does feel insecure about it, but if it is not that important to you, make sure she knows so and tell you that to you it is about more than just an "act".....

 

Anal sex is fun, but you are not missing out on that much I think, I know my partner enjoys it, but prefers vaginal in comparison...its just something else to do and I think it is the novelty of it. Not worth going to someone else for and the emotional and physical risks!

 

To me the solution is...love her, and don't go elsewhere and make sure she knows you are not going to and that's final!

[scaredsilly]

Yeah, I would have to agree with you guys, I dont think its worth it. I mean, like I said, it wasnt even a priority for me when I was dating years ago. I just think its more of an insecurity for her now....

 

I am sorry if I came accross rude to anyone, I just want everyone to understand where I am coming from. I dont sit around and try to make her feel bad about herself, asking her to let me do it or whatever the case may be. It was just something that has been brought up several times in the past 4-5years and I was curious what outside people thought about the topic.

 

Thanks for your help.

[fantasia2004]

don't do it find some other way to enjoy sex positions . use your imagination

[melrich]

Obviously at some point you have told your wife that you would like to try it. She feels a sense of insecurity, my husband wants something I cannot provide. So she gambles. She offers you this option. She never expects you to take her up on it. She is testing how important this is to you and she is trying to alleviate her insecurity about not being able to accommodate you.

 

If you say Ok, inside she'll be devastated and it will probably become a major issue in your marriage. If you decline the offer, in herself she will feel better, she will not feel like she is the one denying you this experience.

 

believe me, she only wants one answer from you.

[scaredsilly]

OBVIOUSLY....you dont know.

 

I have never asked her to do it, in fact, when we dated prior to her surgeries she tried to get me to do it and I declined. I did not want to do something that would be uncomfortable for her, I want us to both enjoy sex and based on her past I knew it would hurt her.

 

But, now...

Because she cant do it, she IS insecure. You are right.

 

I could have done it in the past with her or other women and didnt, so obviously its not an issue with me. She doesnt realize that, no matter what I say, she is insecure because she cannot offer it....wether we would do it or not.

[OceanEyes]

There's a good possibility that she's testing you, to see what extent you would actually go to for this sexual experience. It might sound sick, but there is something wishy-washy about her offering to give you up for a night so you can get some action from another woman. Sure, she's probably insecure about it and worries that she's not providing you with the sexual experiences that she thinks you 'require', but I seriously doubt that she would be happy to receive you back after something like this.

 

Just out of curiosity, did you have an individual in mind for this experience? I'm asking because it seems like you might have a hard time finding a nice, clean woman who would consent to one night of anal sex with you.

 

The whole thing seems like risky business to me.

[scaredsilly]

I agree with you....it could be a test, maybe not...but its definitely not worth it.

 

As for finding someone, thats my concern, even if I did agree to do it....I consider myself very picky and clean, I am not willing to just pluck one from the crowd to do this with (even if I could find someone willing).

 

As for her, I can see how you feel it is wishy washy....but she is not like that. I think her feeling is that, she cannot provide it and she wants me to experience it. With that said, she is willing to put her feelings about it on the back burner for me to try it once. Now, keep in mind, its not priority for me....its just like alot of other things, if you havent tried your just curious what its like. But, I hardly require it....

[melrich]

OBVIOUSLY....you dont know.

 

I have never asked her to do it, in fact, when we dated prior to her surgeries she tried to get me to do it and I declined. I did not want to do something that would be uncomfortable for her, I want us to both enjoy sex and based on her past I knew it would hurt her.

 

Hi Scaredsilly,

 

I wasn't saying you asked her to try it. Just that at some point you told her you'd like to try it. Whether she asked you would you like to try it and you said yes or whether you just mentioned it to her.

 

Otherwise what did she do? Guess that you wanted to try and just came out with the idea that you see someone else to give it a go?