How do I keep him without hurting him?

[rasberrybike]

Ok, so I met this guy through a friend of mine. We had sex multiple times the first time we met, and we kept having sex every weekend after. We had like a gathering thing with alcohol every weekend with our friends, and we always ended up sleeping together when everyone went to bed. In the beginning he didn't seem to want to get into a relationship with me, we were both really in it for the sex, cause we had amazing sex, like mind blowing. But after a few weeks we started texting and snapchatting when we were not together, and we didn't do that before. So eventually I caught feelings, but I had actually just gotten out of a 1 year long relationship, and we broke up 3 months before I met this guy. I was sure that he didn't feel the same way, but then we started hanging out more and more, we always spent the night together. Then it became a regular thing, like after we went out to parties with our friends we always went to his place after the party and i spent the night every time. We hung out for hours the day after too, and even tho we had a lot of sex, it began to feel like more than that. So one day we talked about it, and he admitted that he had feelings for me too, so we got into a relationship(it took about 2 months after we met). But now i kinda realise that i don't like him as much as I thought. I think I just liked him because I thought he didn't like me back. And now it´s been about a week since we agreed to take it to the next level. And I like hanging out with him, and he is the best I´ve ever had sex with, but I don't really want to be in an official relationship yet. The problem now is that I think he likes me very much, and I don't want to hurt him because he has never had feelings for anyone before me. I want to keep meeting him and sleeping with him, but I just don't want to be in a relationship, and I feel like we are too far in, like there is either this or nothing. I do have feelings for him, but I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet, how do I talk to him about this without hurting or losing him?

[kbbcoop77]

Sounds like you want your cake and eat it too....you don’t want a relationship but you don’t want to lose him and basically it sounds like you don’t want to lose the sex...which is fine but you need to tell him the truth. And why don’t you want a relationship with him? You want to sleep with others? Or just don’t want any relationship?

[MissCanuck]

You likely won't be able to keep him around without hurting him, OP. That is the unfortunate consequence of this situation.

 

That shouldn't stop you from ending it, though. You recognize you're not on the same page so he deserves to know you're not feeling it.It will hurt him more if you keep dating him and let him get invested in you only to let him go later, knowing all along you didn't really want the relationship.

 

Time to put on those Big Girl Pants and have that talk.

[rasberrybike]

I want to talk to him about it, but I really don't want to lose him.. But if I wait a bit longer I might risk hurting him even more when I end it... But I might get to the same page as he is in a few weeks, my feelings might grow stronger. Should I risk it?

[rasberrybike]

I don't really want to sleep with others, because I really like sleeping with him haha, but I want to have the opportunity open. I just don't want to get into a relationship at the moment. I haven't really gotten the opportunity to be single for a while. But since I really do like him I'm afraid that if I end things now I will just regret it later. I just wish we had met like in a year or something, because the timing isn't right. He is 2 years older than me too, and I'm only 18, so he is probably more ready to settle down than I am, and that's what scares me. I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to hurt him and risk losing him.

[Wiseman2]

There are all kinds and levels of relationships. He's not asking you to marry him, just have sex and hang out. Relax why not enjoy this for what it is?

[ThatwasThen]

I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to hurt him and risk losing him.

This is where my dad would tell you to S*** or get off the pot.

 

Tell him what you told us and give him the chance to make an informed decision on whether to keep you around for sex until he finds someone who does want a relationship or he breaks off the casual sex altogether. If you don't tell him what you're feeling and continue in the status quo with him, then don't be a cow and cheat. (not said in malice, just sayin)

 

Good luck, chances are high you'll get your wish to keep him casually/not exclusively because I see far too many people not be good to THEMSELVES and go for the instant gratification to their own detriment.

[kbbcoop77]

Oh you’re only 18 lol thought u were older..just relax you’re overthinking things. You got your whole life ahead of you

[rasberrybike]

True, I will just take it chill haha, thanks