Additional advice needed please...

[FallingStar85]

So I posted here a couple days ago about my ex, whom I'm still very much in love with, moving out of state (6 1/2 hours away). He is leaving in a few weeks and though I am heartbroken, I have accepted the fact that he's going. We have recently been talking after about a month of very limited contact and though I have enjoyed reconnecting with him immensely, I feel like it's going to make it even more painful when he leaves. He assures me that he will stay in contact with me, and even come to see me when he visits his parents who live an hour away from me. In one of our conversations he even said that there are a lot of things that he still loves about me and if some time passes and I make some changes and better myself that maybe we could try again. But I would have to make the changes for myself, not for him.

I know I really should try to move on, but it seems like we could have a chance in the future. But is it worth it if he lives so far away? Also, I want to ask him what changes he thinks I need to make but I don't know if he'll tell me since he says I have to make them for myself, which he's right, I do. But I'd still like to know what he specifically is referring to. Should I ask him? Lastly, and most importantly, I need advice on how to move on and be happy once he leaves. Even if there is a chance for us getting back together, it won't be for a while, and I'm having a hard time dealing with the pain of the whole situation. I'm sorry this was long winded. Any advice on any of it would be appreciated

[Dominique]

Brutally honest ...

 

Let go. Let him go. Use the move as a way to get the distance you need to let go.

 

You have more barriers now, not less. He doesn't want to be with you. He's moving away. He thinks you are flawed and need work. None of those things equal "relationship with a future that works."

[boltnrun]

Jeez, really? Only if you make changes and better yourself? And I suppose he's absolutely perfect as is and needs no changes?

 

I'd tell him to pound sand. But, I suppose you "love him".

[FallingStar85]

Jeez, really? Only if you make changes and better yourself? And I suppose he's absolutely perfect as is and needs no changes?

 

I'd tell him to pound sand. But, I suppose you "love him".

 

Yes, I do love him. And no, he's not perfect, and he never said he was. He knows he has things he needs to work on too. We've talked about him working on his problems recently as well. He only said that I need to make changes because that's the only way he'd see himself getting back together with me. I'm assuming the things he wants me to change are the things that let to the breakup to begin with since he never gave me a straightforward reason besides we're "too different".

[DanZee]

Yeah, again this issue of making changes. What changes? You should find a guy who likes you for who you are and he should find someone who fits his laundry list of what he wants.

[Iggy5129]

He’s going to move and start a new life. Once he has friends and stuff there he will leave you in the dust. In my opinion this has zero chance of working out. He’s just nervous about moving and keeping you around as a safety blanket. You’re better off to start moving on now. Save yourself the heartache.

[FallingStar85]

Thank you everyone for your honesty and advice. But I'm wondering how do I move on? How do I stop obsessing over him and the situation? In the month that we had limited contact, I did a really good job of never initiating contact with him, it was always him who would send me some random picture or ask a question he could've easily googled. But now that we're talking every day again, it's like I can't stop myself from messaging him. I feel like an addict who needs a fix. How do I control these feelings and constant thoughts of him?

[ThatwasThen]

but it seems like we could have a chance in the future. But is it worth it if he lives so far away? Also,

No, it's not worth it and all you'll be is his eff buddy when/if he visits when he comes home to see his parents... which will stagnate you from finding a guy, where you live, who won't feed you platitudes that serve only to keep you from taking longer to heal and get to the stage of indifference to him.

 

You move on from him by going 100% zero contact which means no social media stalking either and you don't hold onto any hope that one day you may get back together. You take those words as the platitudes that they are and consider them meaningless.

 

You accept the fact that he was very cruel to have contacted you again when he knew he was leaving and when he has trouble with who you are and only wants you if you change. He's selfish to have kept you from healing with his contact.

 

You will feel a lot better once he's gone and you've resigned yourself not to respond to anything he sends you. I'll advise you to block and delete him from being able to reach you but you're unlikely to do that when you're still so hung up on him. Ignore any crumbs he sends your way if you're still too attached to block and delete.

[boltnrun]

Yes, you can stop yourself. You're choosing not to.

 

You'll keep "obsessing" as long as you insist on remaining in contact with him. Stop the contact and gradually the obsession will end.

 

Just ask yourself how long you'd like to continue feeling exactly as you do right now. Some day (hopefully soon), you'll get sick and tired of being sick and tired.