Shyluve Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I have been with this guy for about 6 months, and we go weeks and weeks without seeing each because We usually do things on Friday and Saturday; however, a lot of the time he needs to cancel because he needs to do something for his family...the excuses are usually legit sounding, so i try to be understanding. It has been this way almost the whole relationship, and I am getting frustrated with all the cancellation and he doesn't handle them right ..he would say i am going to try to come and if he sees he can't ...he doesn't follow up ...he goes MIA...I feel like breaking up with him because I feel like I am not important to him. I try to explain why these cancellation is upsetting me now, but things will change for a few weeks but it will start happening again...I tell him he is not ready for a gf because he has too much going on..he said things are not always like this so I am trying to be patient. Should I leave him or keep on having patients? Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 It's best to go on about your life. Are you sure he's single? Don't invest your time and patience in a guy who isn't investing his in you. No one is ever too busy. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I agree, he does sound too busy for a relationship. And the fact that he just goes MIA is plain inconsiderate. What are all these things he does for his family that necessitate canceling plans so often? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 If you can, try to date other people, while dating this man. You've got time to do both. Its the bf title that he's not living up to. For an occasional date maybe he's ok. Link to comment
Shyluve Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 If his mom or brother have an emergency they usually turn to him it seems Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 And what qualifies as an emergency? I can't imagine that his family consistently has emergencies on the weekends, particularly if he doesn't bother following up later with you. I don't know OP, this sounds off. Have you met his family? Link to comment
Shyluve Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 I haven't met them and he said he wants me to..I told him I am ready whenever he is....some of the excuses are...he got sick with the stomach flu, he had 2 funeral, his brother and cousin got in an accident, his shower couldn't turn off and he was waiting on the maintenance person to come out and one day he was blocked in because they were doing road work...another time his a.c. fluid needed replacing and that took all day....the list goes on and on Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 It seems very coincidental that this all happens on weekends. Where did you meet him? I too have to wonder if he already has a girlfriend. Link to comment
Shyluve Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 We met on match...sometimes i feel like he is hiding something. I basically came out and asked him. I am at the point where I am pretty much done. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 We met on match...sometimes i feel like he is hiding something. I basically came out and asked him. I am at the point where I am pretty much done. Dating sites harbor a good deal of guys that are not single. Link to comment
Shyluve Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 Wow...that is so sad Link to comment
JA0371 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Yep....too many coincidences on weekends......married or GF!!!!! Bye bye!! Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 There is a popular book about men and "commitment-phobia," and one of the scenarios in the book describes a man who would schedule a date with his gf, act all excited about it, then immediately before the date, would always cancel with some elaborate excuse. One time, he actually made it over to her place but within minutes after arriving, had to leave, again with an elaborate excuse. This went on for an entire year. In one year, they had like five dates, if that! As it turned out, he was not married, did not have another gf; he was so phobic about relationships, that immediately prior to each date, he would panic, his anxiety would skyrocket and he'd cancel to alleviate all the "pressure" he was feeling. Not saying this is what's happening with your guy, but something to consider. Link to comment
Shyluve Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 There is a popular book about men and "commitment-phobia," and one of the scenarios in the book describes a man who would schedule a date with his gf, act all excited about it, then immediately before the date, would always cancel with some elaborate excuse. One time, he actually made it over to her place but within minutes after arriving, had to leave, again with an elaborate excuse. This went on for an entire year. In one year, they had like five dates, if that! As it turned out, he was not married, did not have another gf; he was so phobic about relationships, that immediately prior to each date, he would panic, his anxiety would skyrocket and he'd cancel to alleviate all the "pressure" he was feeling. Not saying this is what's happening with your guy, but something to consider. Thank you ...It is something to think about Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Whatever his deal is, this doesn't work for you. Link to comment
Shyluve Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 It doesn't and I don't think it is going to get better so i am going to move on...it is sad because I truly enjoy being with him 😔. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 It doesn't and I don't think it is going to get better so i am going to move on...it is sad because I truly enjoy being with him 😔. I had a bf like that and it was awful. I eventually learned to let him go, and now we are good friends. By let him go, I mean something different than the break-up piece. Rather, just to live in the moment and not sweat it. Bonus, that skill has allowed me to be deal with other people who flake on a regular basis with equanimity. When someone flakes, it isn't about you. Its about them being distracted, overwhelmed, disorganized, mercurial, unavailable, whatever. It doesn't really matter. Its only that we hired them for the wrong job. BF was too big a promotion. But part time office assistant or printer repair staff might be better == if and however that might translate into your life, eventually, it might allow you to enjoy him if you still choose to do so. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 It doesn't and I don't think it is going to get better so i am going to move on...it is sad because I truly enjoy being with him 😔. Remember this: you enjoy the little pieces he shares with you, not all of him. Because his constant cancellations are part of who he is, too. Enjoying who he is when he's actually available is nice, but it's not enough when he frequently blows you off with flimsy excuses and no follow-up. Link to comment
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