Kathryndouglas Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 *contains sexual content* My fiancé and I have lived together for 2 years. He is lovely in so many ways and cooks/cleans daily as i am extremely busy with my career, as he has more spare time. He is thoughtful and kind to me, but we do have our differences as every couple does. One issue/argument that has come up more than once is related to our sex life. My opinion on masturbation is that it is healthy, I do it often, and I think it’s okay for my partner to do too. (Although I don’t want to know when he’s doing it and would prefer he do it when I’m not home - I only do it when he’s not home). I have walked in on him masturbating a few times, which always bothers me because each time I’ve caught him, he didn’t try to have sex with me first. His sex drive is higher than mine so it’s fair that he self-pleasures more than me. But when I’m at home, not busy and horny too? It makes me feel as though my sexual needs aren’t being met, and that he’d rather go watch porn than engage in intimacy with me. And each time I’ve caught him, I’ve told him how it makes me feel and have asked him to initiate it with me first if I’m home instead of resorting to his hand. He always says ok, then uses an excuse like he thought I’d be tired or that I wouldn’t want to, and then I catch him again a few weeks later. The other day I got really upset - we finally had a mutual day off. We slept in, were laying awake in bed together and he went to use the washroom. When he came back to the room, I initiated sex. And he couldn’t get hard. When I asked him why, he admitted it was because he had literally just masturbated when he said he had to go to the bathroom. It hurt me and I felt like he was being unfair, because I feel as though our sex life is suffering because of how often he masturbates. His excuse was that he thought I was still on my period. (Even though he’s always fine with having sex while I’m on my period.) So I got pretty upset. Especially because right before I got my period I tried to have sex with him and he couldn’t get hard, he said it was because he’d already masturbated 5 times that day while I was at work and he had the day off. (And assumed I wouldn’t want to have sex when I got home). So that’s twice in a few days that I didn’t get my sexual needs met because of his masturbation habits. Again, we had the same conversation as always where I asked him to ask me first next time and to not assume that I don’t want to have sex. The argument got heated this time and he said things like “well you can’t get me off quickly because you’re not good at giving bj’s” and “when you’re on top you go fast and then slow right before I’m about to cum so it takes me so long to get off when we have sex.” He totally turned the topic around onto me as though our sex sucks and it’s my fault. In the end we agreed to start communicating better in the bedroom with what we like/don’t like so it can be more enjoyable for the both of us, but I was still hurt by what he had said and still skeptical that he will change his masturbating habits. Is this normal? Is it my fault for not being good in bed? Is it reasonable for me to ask him to try and have sex with me before going straight to his hand? SOS! Link to comment
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