Can we get over this?

[Diszconected12]

I really need advice on what to do next... I'll start from the beginning,

Me and my now ex were together for nearly two years, our relationship was perfect had minor arguments until my depression and anxiety started plummeting.. my ex didn't know how to deal with it because he didn't understand and thought it was him and me not being attracted to him anymore which wasn't true... this made me feel bad in myself and started to cause problems for where I was searching to lean on other people who happened to be boys, who he thought I fancied which wasn't true. Start of this year We had fights that were really making me question if I could take this anymore until one of our fights went to far and he restrained me under water and made marks on my face. After this happened he was begging for me back and promising he'd never hurt me again and not to tell anyone, you could imagine how confused and alone I felt.. 2 months went by of me feeling suicidle questioning if we could make this work breaking up the getting back together after him begging for me... I do love him but I was just so scared- I ended it completely telling him I didn't love him anymore, I did love him but I just didn't know how to deal with it all.. I blocked him off everything leaving him without any explanation which I regret too this day. I couldn't handle life so I moved to Greece for 3 months to do a summer season... I was living single life slept with other people he found out what I had been doing and was even more heartbroken- I was told he wanted to take his own life because he felt so betrayed which I understand what I did was wrong... I have never hated myself so much for how I left it but I just couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to get away.... when I came back home I saw him and he was destroyed, so angry and upset which I feel incredibly bad for as I do still love him. We both still love eachother and want a future together, when we are together even after everything that happened it's perfect I feel home and happy with life, but is it possible for us especially him to get over the hurt and distrust?

Please give me some advice.

[indea08]

How long have you been home from Greece?

[DancingFool]

one of our fights went to far and he restrained me under water and made marks on my face.

 

...You know and he knows exactly why you left him and you were 100000% correct to do so. Please please block him and delete him from your life for good.

 

If you have any doubt, just look at how he is acting right now. He is acting like he owns you, like you are a thing, an insubordinate thing that he wants to get back under his control. You should dang well be afraid of him, very afraid. You did nothing wrong in Greece. You had dumped him for abuse remember? He has no claim on you and you were and are free to see and sleep with whoever you want.

 

Please please block this creep for good and get yourself medical attention and counseling for your depression. You need to fix yourself before you can find a healthy relationship and happiness. This guy is not it and never was. Please do yourself a favor, stop dating, get counseling, get yourself on track to being healthy and balanced, get to a happy place without leaning on random guys. Only when you reach that happy solid place, then date.

[Diszconected12]

How long have you been home from Greece?

 

2/3 months now, we have seen eachother for the past month and when we are together is like we never left but there have been moments of tears talking about how broken we are and if we can fix things... I feel like it will take time but am I being selfish for trying to get back with him? I love him and want to be with him and I know he feels the same because he told me but I feel like I've hurt him so badly and that I shouldn't be selfish and let him go but I don't want to because I can only see my future with him even though we have both been with other people since the official breakup

[Diszconected12]

But after the abuse I got back with him and broke up with him 3 times the 2nd time I ended up sleeping with someone he found out and it broke his heart so I tried to fix it by letting him back into my life telling him I love him but also being so scared.. I really hurt him, I betrayed his trust and he was so hurt, I feel like I'm the one who has done wrong by going to Greece and leaving him when he needed me most 😔

[Diszconected12]

one of our fights went to far and he restrained me under water and made marks on my face.

 

...You know and he knows exactly why you left him and you were 100000% correct to do so. Please please block him and delete him from your life for good.

 

If you have any doubt, just look at how he is acting right now. He is acting like he owns you, like you are a thing, an insubordinate thing that he wants to get back under his control. You should dang well be afraid of him, very afraid. You did nothing wrong in Greece. You had dumped him for abuse remember? He has no claim on you and you were and are free to see and sleep with whoever you want.

 

Please please block this creep for good and get yourself medical attention and counseling for your depression. You need to fix yourself before you can find a healthy relationship and happiness. This guy is not it and never was. Please do yourself a favor, stop dating, get counseling, get yourself on track to being healthy and balanced, get to a happy place without leaning on random guys. Only when you reach that happy solid place, then date.

 

But after the abuse I got back with him and broke up with him 3 times the 2nd time I ended up sleeping with someone he found out and it broke his heart so I tried to fix it by letting him back into my life telling him I love him but also being so scared.. I really hurt him, I betrayed his trust and he was so hurt, I feel like I'm the one who has done wrong by going to Greece and leaving him when he needed me most 😔

[DancingFool]

This is toxic. You do not take back someone who has abused you. Period. This entire on again off again thing you have going is not love. Sorry it's not what love is.

 

Again, please end things for good with this guy before you end up in the hospital or the morgue next time he loses control and trust me, he will. It's not a question of if, but when and how extreme it will be next time.

 

Get yourself into treatment to deal with your depression. You are seriously making some effed up choices right now that aren't good for you. Get help, get your head screwed on straight and when you do that and look back on this mess you'll realize just how bad it was and wonder why you couldn't see it before.

[Diszconected12]

This is toxic. You do not take back someone who has abused you. Period. This entire on again off again thing you have going is not love. Sorry it's not what love is.

 

Again, please end things for good with this guy before you end up in the hospital or the morgue next time he loses control and trust me, he will. It's not a question of if, but when and how extreme it will be next time.

 

Get yourself into treatment to deal with your depression. You are seriously making some effed up choices right now that aren't good for you. Get help, get your head screwed on straight and when you do that and look back on this mess you'll realize just how bad it was and wonder why you couldn't see it before.

 

The abuse is over looked now due to the hurt I caused him and the way I ended the relationship and destroyed his trust... I don't think he'd ever hurt me again

[DancingFool]

The abuse is over looked now due to the hurt I caused him and the way I ended the relationship and destroyed his trust... I don't think he'd ever hurt me again

 

He tried to drown you. That's more than just abuse. Since you are choosing to overlook that, I really don't know what else to say to you. It's your life, it's your decisions, it's your consequences.

[j.man]

Best case, he functionally waterboarded you. Worst case, he straight up tried to drown you. I'd call that a pretty good reason to stay clear.

[MissCanuck]

The abuse is over looked now due to the hurt I caused him and the way I ended the relationship and destroyed his trust... I don't think he'd ever hurt me again

 

And this is precisely why he will continue to abuse you if you go back for more. You are brushing his horrifying behaviour under the rug, and you somehow think your actions were worse. He now knows he can get away with hurting you. You should never overlook abuse. You didn't cause it; he is a dangerous and frightening individual and he will hurt you again. It takes a particular kind of monster to try to drown his partner. That type of cruelty doesn't come out of nowhere, and it doesn't disappear suddenly either. You are very much at risk for further, greater harm here.

 

Please, do have a look on some domestic violence forums. Read the stories of other abuse victims, and you will see pretty quickly that your story is very similar. It won't end well for you.