DieTeufelKatze Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 So my boyfriend and I went on a road trip this weekend, and we got in a huge fight. Lately I've been reactive to annoyances more than usual, I have been super stressed with work and burnt out from working extremely hard, for very long hours. I was super happy about the prospect of sleeping in Saturday morning. My boyfriend has this incredibly annoying habit of setting an alarm on his phone, usually for 4:30 or 5:30AM and not specifying it to certain days (like Mon through Friday), or turning it off on weekends. It ALWAYS wakes me up and I have to tell him to turn it off, because it won't even wake him up, and then I'm awake sometimes for a very long time after. In other words, it really interrupts my sleeping in. I have asked him countless times to PLEASE not set alarms that go off weekend mornings. He just doesn't seem to care, because it keeps happening. Well, here we were sleeping in our van (we have a very large van that has a queen sized bed in the back of it). We have a lot of down and warm blankets, so even though it was about 20 degrees in there, the bed was very warm. Well, at 5:30AM, his stupid alarm went off, and the phone was clear up on the dash. I asked him to go shut it off, but he refused. I asked him again, and again he refused. Finally I jumped out of bed, angry that I once again had to be the one to turn it off. I even showed him how to program it so it didn't go off on weekends, and finally got back in to bed. I admit, I wasn't being very nice about it, but I was rather furious that I had to be the one to get up in the uncomfortable cold because of something he did and refused to fix. I was so angry that I had a hard time getting back to sleep, but eventually I did. I woke up later in a much better mood, but apparently he was still upset about my earlier reaction to the alarm, but he never said anything. He also apologized about the alarm (which I will admit he's done a few times before, because as I said, this has been a reoccurring issue, but he never seems to care enough to stop setting alarms that go off at ungodly hours on weekends). We went on with our road trip and went to our next destination for the night. It was a beautiful, remote natural hot springs, and we had a great time soaking and drinking beer, and tossing back a few shots of tequila. Well, it got late and I was ready to go to bed (I maybe drank more than I should have, but I was decompressing from my hectic work week). He had been drinking very heavily too, and as I was getting ready and getting in to bed, he started rambling on about how much fun he has with me, and giving me a lot of compliments. I told him I was exhausted and was going to sleep. He just kept talking, with me making half hearted but still engaged replies, and I laid down. Then he said it - he said several nice things (i.e., "You're beautiful and intelligent and I have so much fun with you"), then he said "But sometimes, you really f***ing suck." I laid there in disbelief, then replied incredulously "What??" He stammered. I said "Do you have any idea what you just said to me?? You just told me I "really f***ing suck! I can't believe you!!" And he stammered some more and tried to defend what he'd said and I basically rolled over, furious, and told him to just leave me the eff alone. He finally stopped talking and I drifted off to sleep. The next day I woke up basically crying and asked him to take me home. He apologized profusely and said he didn't mean what he said. But later, throughout the day while we were discussing it, it turns out he did kind of mean it. He criticized a lot of things about me, leading me to be more hurt, defensive, and angry. Then he had the audacity to come on to me. When I rebuffed him, he started some whine and pout about how I'm not "thinking about his needs." This just sent me over the edge. He's already pulled this on me about a month ago, when I just was not in the mood. I hardly ever deny him when he tries to initiate, and the couple times I have, he has started an argument about how he thinks I don't "think about his needs" enough and that it's not "all about me" and basically made me feel pressured and like he was manipulating me and attempting to make me feel guilty. This has the effect of completely turning me off, and I've told him so. Again, this has only happened once before, and he promised never to do it again, but here we are a little over a month later, and it's happening again. This time, it went on for hours and was just absolutely horrible for me - I feel coerced and like he thinks he's entitled to sex from me. I keep trying to tell him how it makes me feel but it just doesn't seem to compute with him that this is absolutely not the right way to go about getting sex from me. Well, needless to say, I have been stewing over this for a few days now and would really like some perspective. I told him I needed space. Last night we had a phone conversation that did not go well - he came at me with a lot of "You always..." and "You never..." statements, which left me feeling attacked and defensive. He even said "You always do this! You always defend yourself!" Like... WTH else am I supposed to do, dude?? He even had the audacity to blatantly state that he BLAMES ME for how terrible he's been feeling over the past couple days. He's been very critical of me and has just been insufferable in general. Is this abuse? How do I handle this? I really don't know what the best course to take is here. Link to comment
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