Nanny in need of advice ASAP

[Danimarie]

So I’ve been babysitting for family friends for years and during the summer I decided to start nannying full time while I do evening school at a Medical Institute. I’ve never done full time nannying, but I figured since I have experience with kids of all age ranges it wouldn’t be a terrible idea. I started nannying with a family in August, we had agreed upon a $1500/month payment plan and 25-35 hour work weeks. Sometime more hours sometimes less. They said they didn’t need anyone to clean or anything like that, they just want someone to each their kids while they work. The dad started working from home about a month ago, and I pretty much just see him sit next to his email all day and listen to music. They have two kids, one 6-7 month old boy and a 2 year old girl.

 

since I’ve started, the baby hasn’t had a good week. At all. He has a good day maybe twice a week if I’m lucky. He cries constantly, the doc says he’s not teething yet. He just screams and screams. Even with a clean diaper, a plethora of different toys, scheduled naps, a loving tone and soothing music. Nothing seems to calm him down. I’ve tried asking the parents what I can do, and they say they don’t know. They’ve also told me I need to be more loving, but I’m as loving as can be. I treat these kids like I would if I had any of my own. (But no because I’m 19 so YIKES) they seem to think I’m the reason, but from what I’ve noticed they never let him cry it out and fall asleep on his own for nap time. They don’t let the toddler cry for a little bit during nap time either. They ALWAYS give her what she wants. She wants cartoons? Ok. She wants to make a huge mess? Yeah sure the nanny can clean it up right? Guess so.

 

I always clean up for them and show up early for work so they can get their things In order early and make sure they get as much work in as possible in case I need to leave 15 minutes early. I sometimes need to leave early because it takes over an hour for me to get to class in traffic at 3-4pm. I’ve told them this and they tell me they’ll try but I never get off early and am almost late to class everyday because of it.

 

I’ve never, not once, gotten a thank you from them. I clean dishes, I clean messes, and I clean their kids up. I’m not asked to do any of this, but I do because they seem like they sometimes need help. I’ve helped with laundry as well. I make sure the girl doesn’t get more than three episodes of cartoons a day. I make sure she’s learning the things they want her to, and I create fun activities and games for her to do.

 

Recently, they lowered my pay about 10-30 dollars a paycheck, which in short does affect me because I have bills that I can’t pay sometimes due to crappy life circumstances that I won’t get into.

 

Anytime I try to converse with the parents or have an adult conversation about what I can do to help with the constant screaming and crying of the baby, the blame is always put on me and they never want to talk about anything in my life unless it’s kept short. This is an example of every time we talk:

 

Parent: “What did you do this weekend?”

Me: “Oh I went to the movies, studied, hung out. What about you?”

*doesn’t respond, talks to kids.*

 

I’ve really been on edge as of lately. Doing school and work full time gives me only 5 hours of sleep a night and I spend all day doing work and school. I can’t do homework while I nanny because the kids are non stop, constantly crying or screaming or they rip my papers.

 

Anytime I get the baby to nap, the dad will always have to get up and make as much goddamn noise as possible when going to the restroom, getting food, or doing whatever else. even though the walls are thin and any semi-loud noise WILL wake the baby. And he just ends up screaming for the rest of the day because of it.

 

I’ve noticed recently as well, whenever I’m given the baby in the morning, I end up needing to change his diaper as soon as I have him in my arms. When I check his diaper, every morning, it’s FULL of poop. And it’s not fresh. It’s dry, and crusty. It looks as if it was from before he even went to bed the night before. Like the parents never changed it. Just passed the baby to me because they didn’t want to deal with it.

 

I’m not sure what to think of this situation considering I’ve never full time nannied before so I thought I would ask other nannies.

 

What are your thoughts? I’m considering quitting, but I just need to know if this is normal or not for other nannies. If it’s pretty normal, I’ll try my best to tough it out. It’s just gotten to a point where I have to see a therapist now because I feel so overwhelmed with the crying for hours from both kids.

 

PLEASE let me know. I appreciate anyone’s input, thank you ❤️

[reinventmyself]

Yikes. Not sure what the parents would say if they had a voice in this but based on your experience, I'd get the heck out.

 

I imagine there is an adjustment period but if you've been trying to handle this since August and there is no improvement then

it's just not a good fit.

 

Is the baby any different with the parents? Either the baby is really colicky or isn't attaching to you for some reason.

Two miserable children is not a coincidence. There seems to be something else going on.

 

Seeing a therapist to handle a challenging situation that you don't have to be a part of, is a bad sign. No amount of money is worth it.

 

The fact that they reduced your pay and can't hold up their part in seeing you get to school in time is reason enough to quit.

 

I am sure there are plenty of families in need of a good nanny.

Throw this one back and try again and my guess is you'll have an entirely different experience.

[Danimarie]

The baby sometimes does the same to the parents, crying and screaming and just not letting up. The girl seems happy most of the time but just isn’t disciplined enough to give a consistent good behavior. Her parents laugh off anything she does that is considered “bad” like not eating with her utensils, screaming while she knows her brother is sleeping, hitting people, etc. I am really considering quitting but I just can’t find any families looking for something short term since I’ll be graduating in June 2018. I guess we will see. I really appreciate the input, it makes me glad that it’s not just me that thinks this isn’t right. Thank you!

[j.man]

I mean I'm actually all for not getting chummy with people I'm working for. "Personable but not personal." I don't necessarily think them not making small talk or thanking you for things is inherently bad. I understand you'd like more guidance in certain areas, but I suppose in their mind, they're paying you so they just expect you to do it. That said, it is somewhat of a two-way street. Don't know where you're from, but $1500 a month to take care of an infant and a toddler anywhere from 100 - 140 hours a week doesn't sound like a whole lot. Maybe if they're including housing, but even then. Sounds like a case of them not paying for the quality they want / need and you very clearly and understandably finding yourself in over your head with what's expected.

 

I'm also confused about is them docking your pay. Was there any justification provided for that?

 

I'd take some time to make a good and honest reflection on whether the work is worth what you're getting from it. At some point in our lives, we all settle for less than ideal tasks and jobs to make ends meet, but you do have to draw that line somewhere if you genuinely feel this isn't going to work for you.

 

Waiting for you to change the diaper in the morning is pretty gross, too. Not so much for you, but for the kid. I've had to look after and babysit 5 younger siblings and over 30 younger cousins growing up. Never once waited to change their diaper if they went #2 if I could help it. Poor kiddo.

[abitbroken]

Do you have something in writing about your pay? If you do, they can't just reduce your pay out of the blue with no prior agreement.

I think that the baby is unhappy if they don't change the baby until you can get there - i would be if i was a baby.

The baby could have other problems like an ear infection and they don't have the baby checked?

 

I would start looking for another family to nanny for.

[catfeeder]

Recently, they lowered my pay about 10-30 dollars a paycheck,

 

This would be all I'd need to walk away.

 

There's a difference between a career versus embedding yourself with a family that takes advantage of you.

 

I'd learn the difference--early.