Does he not find me attractive?

[MvZ]

My boyfriend is EXTREMELY affectionate and I adore this. We have an amazing relationship but our sex life is lack luster. We have been together just over a year and live together. I am 26 and he is 30. At the beginning of our relationship sex was a non issue and a consistent. Of late we have sex maybe 3 times a month. I desire far more than that, as I would like 3 times a week. And I'm also very liberal and open to just about anything, whereas he is more shy in this department which I respect.

 

I have had conversations with him around this and he had his testosterone levels tested which is all in the normal range. Medically there seems to be nothing wrong.

 

I have openly asked him whether he perhaps just doesn't find me sexually attractive, to which he declared that it's absurd and that he does find me attractive otherwise he wouldn't have been with me and he wants us to build a future together, so he is definitely very committed.

 

He does watch porn and masterbates. This in principle does not bother me at all, however, at this point in time it feels as though he does it instead of having sex with me (normally does it when I'm out) full well knowing when I'll be back and that he can grab me at any point in time and that I'll happily oblige.

 

He also only wants sex with me in the wee hours of the morning. This has been the case from the very start though and took some getting used to.

 

Please just give me some advice. I'm really starting to feel unwanted and depressed about this as I cannot fathom why this could possibly an issue in a happy relationship.

[MissCanuck]

How often is watching porn, OP?

[pippy longstocking]

At the beginning of our relationship sex was a non issue and a consistent.

 

This is such a common story ...the honeymoon period wears off and complacency sets in

 

but was it always as sweet as you think

 

 

He also only wants sex with me in the wee hours of the morning. This has been the case from the very start though and took some getting used to

 

^^ That in my mind isn't and wouldn't be my kind of normal .. how can you wine and dine , roleplay , take your time etc etc when it is the early hours of the morning , if I am reading it right , when he wakes up horny ? which would then lead me to think ( sorry) that he is just climbing on because he has woken up with morning wood and needs relief.

 

 

I don't think this has anything to do with you or your desirability , but more the fact that he prefers a quick ham shank to relieve himself and just enjoys the companionship of a relationship .

[MvZ]

How often is watching porn, OP?

 

I am not entirely sure to be honest. Based on browser history it doesn't seem to be that often, but he could be clearing his history for all I know. Based on the history it's always during timeframes where he knows I will be away for a certain period of time.

[dias]

 

 

^^ That in my mind isn't and wouldn't be my kind of normal .. how can you wine and dine , roleplay , take your time etc etc when it is the early hours of the morning , if I am reading it right , when he wakes up horny ? which would then lead me to think ( sorry) that he is just climbing on because he has woken up with morning wood and needs relief.

 

Ts ts ts wrong conclusion ^^. You can do the whole thing at 4 am and go to work with a smile. I don't think time matters but I think OP's partner is a bit lazy and prefers porn.

[dias]

I am not entirely sure to be honest. Based on browser history it doesn't seem to be that often, but he could be clearing his history for all I know. Based on the history it's always during timeframes where he knows I will be away for a certain period of time.

Testosterone is undoubtedly connected to the desire of having sex but doesn't make you a sexual person. Maybe he is not as sexual as you and 3 times per month are enough for him.

[pippy longstocking]

Ts ts ts wrong conclusion ^^. You can do the whole thing at 4 am and go to work with a smile. I don't think time matters but I think OP's partner is a bit lazy and prefers porn.

 

yeah but I said my kind of normal .. if anyone tried to climb on me in the early hours I would knock them out , I like to be awake , fresh and spend some serious time on the build up .......

 

However I DO think he is lazy .

[Knight2001]

hi,

so, you're not happy with your sex life. you have discussed it with him in that you are not "doing it" enough yet there is still no change.

at the minute your doing it 3 times a month but he is using porn. i can see this figure only decreasing.

you also said you are very liberal but he is not (but he's ok watching porn??!!)

this to me says you are unhappy with your sex life with him. not enough of it and not "wild" enough.

if i was you i would have another talk with him. if he wont change (still prefers porn to you) then i think i would move on.

[Keyman]

OP, there is a difference between having a sly fap which can take all of 5-10 minutes and grabbing one's partner, getting her in the mood, foreplay, getting her off too, cleaning up and then cuddling for an unspecified amount of time.

 

That he prefers it in the wee hours, is not necessarily wanting to sort out the morning wood, but could suggest that this is the time he is able to best maintain his erection to do the job. This could suggest that prior to the relationship he used porn to fab fairly regularly and now has trouble maintaining his wood in the evening due to over thinking or similar.

 

That you have different sexual needs in the relationship could be a compatibility issue that you will have to deal with if you wish to stay with him long term. There is nothing wrong with him having a lesser sexual need, but it is whether you can get past it.

[thealchemist]

Well I prefer sex in the early morning too. I don't do it to just relieve my morning wood but because for whatever reason I wake up wanting to have sex just about every morning. I think it is just some hormonal cycle or something because it is such a norm for me.

 

Porn in my mind is a non issue. It isn't the same as sex for me. Sometimes I need that to chill out or whatever. So it is as quick as possible to get it out of my system to make me feel better.

 

With sex I want a decent junk of time where I can enjoy everything with my wife. So they aren't the same for me at least.

 

I also wouldn't blame it on him not being attracted to you.

 

You only have one issue from the sound of it. You don't have as much sex as you need. That is all that really matters and you need to tell him that.

 

I am 30 and most couple I know it is the woman that wants more sex whereas the guy is a lot more indifferent. So you problem is a very common one.

 

You are entitled to sex as much as you deem necessary. Sexual incompatibility is a common issue. Like any relationship issue I would bring it to him and tell him how much of an issue it is for you.

 

For me if I couldn't find a happy medium I wouldn't be able to stay in the relationship.

[MvZ]

You only have one issue from the sound of it. You don't have as much sex as you need. That is all that really matters and you need to tell him that.

 

I am 30 and most couple I know it is the woman that wants more sex whereas the guy is a lot more indifferent. So you problem is a very common one.

 

You are entitled to sex as much as you deem necessary. Sexual incompatibility is a common issue. Like any relationship issue I would bring it to him and tell him how much of an issue it is for you.

 

For me if I couldn't find a happy medium I wouldn't be able to stay in the relationship.

 

So I had a very interesting playful conversation with my partner last night around sex and likes and dislikes and whatnot.

 

It became apparent to me that I need to up the sexy from my side. I am a playful, teasy, cute personality type and would not flat out call myself sexy. Any tips on what is considered as sexy without being cheesy?

[thealchemist]

So I had a very interesting playful conversation with my partner last night around sex and likes and dislikes and whatnot.

 

It became apparent to me that I need to up the sexy from my side. I am a playful, teasy, cute personality type and would not flat out call myself sexy. Any tips on what is considered as sexy without being cheesy?

It really depends on your SO. It is best to try to discover that stuff with each other.

 

I also don't know you or your personality so "cheesy" means a lot different of things to different people.

 

Attire is a pretty basic and easy thing to try. I would show him things and see what he likes. Or find something you like and surprise him.

 

Change of location can help too. Different rooms or a hotel room or something.

 

I would also build it up for a day or two. Let him know about it and just tease back and forth.

 

Toys and restraints can also be fun. Blindfolds or masks.

 

I have done a lot of research and tried a lot of stuff...

 

I can go into more stuff but I figured that would work to start. Just ask if yoy have any more questions.