I like this girl but she has a boyfriend but a few days ago she told me she likes me too

[SolidArc5542]

Hello everyone,

 

So this is the first time I have ever tried asking advice from total strangers. I am at a loss here. About a week ago I went out with colleagues from work to the Oktoberfest in a town I live near by. My dad is the owner of a bar I work at and he decided to go there as a way to thank his personel for all the good work. Drinks were for free and we had a lot of fun. That's when I started flirting with one of my colleagues. Now mind you, I knew she had a boyfriend but I always had feelings for her the moment she walked into out bar and asked for a job. I started getting her some beers and we drank a lot and we both got pretty wasted. So as the night passes and everyone starts to head home me and a few others, including the girl was flirting with, decided to to hang out at some bars that were still open. It was there that she had to go to the toilet but could not find it because A: It was way too crowded in that bar. And B: She was pretty drunk. I was already beginnign to sober up a bit and decided to take her to a bar that was less crowded and took her to the toilet there. When she got off we walked out of the bar and we hugged... and kissed.

 

Now a few days pass and I decide to take her out to go pooling with one of my good friends. It was a fun night and we had a lot of laughs but evantually we had to go home. My friend dropped us off at the bar and we went inside and had a few more drinks. Evantually I noticed her getting a bit more quiter and she started looking at me more often. She could not remember much of the night we had kissed and when she asked me what had happened I was honest with her and told her we had kissed. She... didn't seem so ashamed as I thought she would. She looked at me and told me that she had started developing feelings for me.

 

I was shocked to say the least. I thought this girl was way out of my league. She is the perfect girl for someone my age. Likes to play video games, likes anime, likes to have a few beers. She a great girl.

 

 

But she still has her boyfriend. I knew this from the very start, but when we started getting along more and more she started opening up to me and told me some things her boyfriend had said to her. Her boyfriend is from South Africa and... well he's not the most exciting person. He's been living with her for over two months now with her sister and parents in their parent's house. And he literally sits behind his computer streaming 24/7. He doesn't help in the house, does not come to eat when it's dinner time because he's playing a stupid video game and he constantly gets angry at her because she goes out--or wants to. Were it not for me she probably would not have gone out after the Oktoberfest at all. We usually close the bar together and drink a few after that.

 

Yesterday we had a long talk about what had happened this past week. I told her I liked her a lot and that I did not like the way she was being treated. She asked her boyfriend so many times to go and hang out with her but he always responds with "No I'm playing now."

 

She told me she really, really liked me and if it weren't for the fact that her boyfriend lives with her it would have been different. Thing is... her boyfriend leaves for Africa next year. January. She told me she does not want to go with him because she does not want to. But she does not want to be a "witch" as she states it. She does not want to hurt him, but at the same time he is hurting her. I told her my opinion and that if she ever needed my help I would be there for her. I told her I could wait. We message each other every day and see each other every week. But truth be told... waiting hurts. It stings knowing the girl you like, who likes you back is still with a guy who she is starting to dislike with every passing second.

 

So after reading this I would like to ask you all this: What should I do now? I really like this girl and she likes me back. Please, I... I need your help.

[ThatwasThen]

What should I do now?

Tell her that's it's inappropriate for the two of you to be interacting like you are when she is in a relationship and that when/if she decides to leave the dude, you would love to take her out on a real date that didn't entail simply drinking together or watching Netflix and cuddling.

 

Then, keep your interaction with her to a bare minimum so that you can loosen up the hold she has on you. She's playing you as long as she's still with him.

[nuttybuddy]

January is only 2 months away practically.... in the meantime there’s Christmas and New Years to celebrate which you’ll be thinking Bout her while she’s WITH him. I think you should let her go and don’t even expect her to return. If on her own volition she decides she doesn’t want want to start the new year by kissing her boyfriend, then she knows where to find you. In the meantime try to minimize any contact with her since that will be hard for you.

[SolidArc5542]

Thanks for the advice. I forgot to mention that I did tell her I wanted her to be the one to do the breaking up, the talk with her boyfriend and everything. But she seems so sad whenever she comes to work and when she gets a text from him. Am I to ignore that?

[HeartGoesOn]

She is the perfect girl for someone my age. Likes to play video games, likes anime, likes to have a few beers. She a great girl.

 

And the grand prize would be landing the "perfect girl" who cheats on her boyfriend, whom she's living with. What a catch!

 

You have some thinking to do...Choose wisely.

[Honeycomb8]

She's no prize if she cheats on her live in bf. -_-

[Giblesp]

Thats how she'll act with other men should you get with her, your probably not the only man she's kissed behind your BF's back. She may have a string of love struck men at her heels, doing her bidding or her backup should it fail with BF.

 

Unless she's in an open relationship, you shouldn't be doing anything with her.

 

She sounds like a party girl to be honest, keep her number and tell her to give you a shout if she's single. I wouldn't advise making an emotional investment with her. Should you ever be together, you'll be worried that she goes off with somone else the way she went off with you.

[Snny]

She is the perfect girl for someone my age. Likes to play video games, likes anime, likes to have a few beers. She a great girl.

Yet there are plenty of other girls who are involved in those hobbies AND do not cheat on their boyfriends/ spouses. I am one of them.

 

You ended up with a loser.

 

She is not a great girl. You are being played and she's milking the attention while bedding with another man. Get real. Have to agree with Giblesp that if that's how she behaves after a few drinks, then she's probably done the same thing with other dudes. And she has now proven to you that she's very capable of cheating even if you go out with her. She is not to be trusted AT ALL.

 

Funny how she complains about her boyfriend to you and is still wth him. Classic cheater move! They all want to justify their cheating by blaming their SO without taking accountability for their own actions!!