Why am I still angry with him?

[Clemente21]

So...met online..he chatted me up CONSTANTLY for 2 weeks. NOT a single overtly or even HINTED sexual mention the entire two weeks. We talked about family, baseball, work..the gamut of subjects. Agree to meet on Weds for drinks....all goes well..tons of talk, laughter, etc. He is fantastic to the waiter ( always a good sign in my book). Asks me out for Saturday night before the check even comes....he knows I am tied up on Thursday and Friday nights....we get up to leave and he walks me to my car. Figured, ok...he is attractive, smart, successful, charming, nice, tall (in my world that is a HUGE deal) and extremely complimentary. As we go in for the kiss suddenly his tongue is down my throat..no build up, nothing! And then hands are everywhere. I am all about kissing a man I am attracted to on a date but not to keen on someone I just met groping the hell out of me!

 

I leave to go home and he starts texting two minutes after I am on the road about what a great time he had...looking forward to Saturday, etc.

 

I respond that yes it was great....blah blah blah. Then the extreme and overtly sexy sexting starts. I deflect and go to sleep.

 

Next morning while I am at work he starts again with the explicit sexting. I tell him to knock it off as I am at work. He continues and I request he cease again.

 

Then later in the day he tries again...I explain my boundaries about not jumping into bed with a guy right away. He says he understands and agrees. I explain that he is attractive to me and I want to get to know him better...sex is not off the table completely...just at that moment in time ut was

 

I get a few more texts and then crickets.

 

Friday afternoon I send out a hows your day going text....crickets.

 

I have been ghosted.

 

I am honestly seething about this situation and I cannot decide whether its because he had the audacity to assume I was going to sleep with him right away.....or that he thought I was an easy mark....or that I was essentially rejected....or that my standing up for myself and setting boundaries deserved being ghosted...or that clearly he did not feel I was worth getting to know better.

 

While I completely and totally know I dodged a HUGE bullet here and there would have been NO WAY IN HELL I would have gone to dinner with him last night had he called me on Friday to firm up plans I cannot explain my internal anger.

 

Part of my wants to send him a chiding text about disrespect and him being an extremely immature 53 year old man but it will fall on deaf ears, so to speak. I have deleted his texts (4000 between tbe two of us inside of 2 weeks) and number. We were never connected on Social Media so no worries there. And he lives about 40 minutes from me so no worries about running into him.

 

Thanks for letting me vent a bit....but can ya help me get over my anger at him?

[DanZee]

Wow! I thought I was reading about teenagers until I rechecked your ages. This guy certainly hasn't matured since he's still pulling these teenager moves. I wonder if this has worked for him in the past. But it certainly may explain why he's single!

 

You can write him a text to get your anger out, but I wouldn't waste my time. Have nothing more to do with him. Don't even remind him you're out there. This guy is desperate and he was just looking for sex. He's not even worth your anger. Sorry you had to go through it.

[figureitout23]

What's there to be angry about? The first time you met he showed his true colors, no harm, no foul.

 

He wanted to get laid and you weren't giving it up so he moved on.

 

I'd understand being mad if you fell for it jumped in bed and then he ghosted you but you let him know you weren't on the same page, so he decided to keep it moving, again no harm no foul, you held strong to your boundaries, good for you.

 

Hold your head high and forget about him, meeting frogs is a very common occurrence in dating.

[Waraqqa]

Sometimes it can cause anger that someone is all over you one moment and then drops you, even if it is illogical (since you told him to back off with sexting while apparently that was the only way he could behave). Maybe part of you was hoping that he'd still continue to pursue you but in a more gentlemanly way. And maybe part of you is simply disappointed that he was such a great catch until the groping and sexting happened, hence the rejection hurts even though rationally you know he wasn't right for you.

 

I don't know if it helps to share, but I had a recent incident with an old friend and former lover whom I liked a lot. He wasn't up for a relationship but was very attracted to me and warned me about it. I had thought that when we are alone he'd make a move and was prepared for kissing or smth. But he went way overboard and unexpectedly got quite forceful, to where he didn't listen to my 'no', and basically things went out of hand. I was upset. Logically speaking, I should've been upset enough to drop him and not talk to him again. However, when *he* dropped me and said he doesn't want to be in touch anymore, I felt really upset and hurt. I am better now, but at that moment I felt sooooo rejected - even though I was unhappy at his groping and handling which went beyond what I was prepared for.

 

Please don't try to message the man or send any angry stuff. You'll feel way worse after that. In my case, I was fortunate, b/c I know him as the kind of guy who cuts off as he means it, so a wall means a wall. Otherwise, it'd be possible that I'd go off the rails with some very pointless conversations that would only embarrass me and not lead anywhere. Because you do realise, it would be very pointless? People don't always behave how we want them to or how we expect - we cannot change it. Sometimes they behave in ways we don't like. But you have choice and power now: to be angry and chase him with some pointless comments; or to let him be gone, preserving your dignity, and redirecting your attention to people and activities that are worth your while. Later you'll thank yourself and respect yourself more for it.

 

To "get over your anger" you don't have to stuff it or suppress it. In fact, suppressing or pretending to yourself can make it worse. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, observe it, but do not act on it. Believe me, after some time anger will dissolve on its own, and you'll be glad you didn't act on it.

[Waraqqa]

And yes, I agree with figureitout23, you should be proud that you held on to your boundaries.

[Waraqqa]

You’re another moron

 

Would you care to explain how so?

[katrina1980]

>>Friday afternoon I sent him a "how's your day going" text .... crickets

 

^May I ask, after lunging his tongue down your throat and inappropriately groping you on your date, the overt and explicit sexting immediately afterwards, even after explaining your boundaries and during work hours after asking him to stop, etc etc etc, what compelled you to send this text?

 

Don't care how attractive, successful, smart, charming a man is, his behavior was over the top and gross, and certainly not indicative of a man wanting to get to know you and date you in any sort of respectful way.

 

After the tongue lunging (ick!) and groping, I would have been done after that first date.

 

I think because you sent that text, and he ignored, you feel rejected.

 

Sort of like he won and you lost, which is an ego thing.

 

Sounds like you are more angry at *yourself* for not nexting immediately and then sending that text which went ignored, which again is an ego thing.

 

Bottom line, the guy behaved like an idiot.

 

Its one thing to want sex and even push for it, I get that, but when a woman says no, a man should respect that, geez!

 

Consider it a bullet dodged, and as figuteitout said, you stayed true to yourself and your boundaries, so hold your head high and forget about it.

[Clemente21]

Thanks all...I appreciate your thoughts and words. Head held high....I did right by ME and that is what is most important. His loss if he does not want to get to know me....my friends love me, my daughter loves me and her friends love me..and damnit...clearly I love me (setting my boundaries and sticking to them proves that to me😊

You all are gems!

And thanks to whomever deleted Bitterman's comments....completely uncalled for and totally incorrect

[figureitout23]

 

I think because you sent that text, and he ignored, you feel rejected.

 

Sort of like he won and you lost, which is an ego thing.

 

Sounds like you are more angry at *yourself* for not nexting immediately and then sending that text which went ignored, which again is an ego thing.

 

Bottom line, the guy behaved like an idiot.

 

 

 

This is SO true.

 

I ended things with the guy I was dating for the summer because his jealousy was getting to be too much and I have way too many male friends for that to ever fly.

 

After I ended things he texted me asking about something I left at his house and I was nice and responded kindly and he acted cold and kind of insinuated I was the reason things didn't move forward, and honestly my first reaction was panic, like I must have done something wrong, which thank goodness for counseling after a while I was able to recognize logically my thinking made no sense but man rejection can really flip things on you can't it?

 

Clemente, I'm glad you were able to spot it too. Good luck out there 😊