Is it Normal to Be Pregnant Unwed ?

[Atlantis]

Hi all.

So I finally made peace with being pregnant. I think I am over the initial shock and all the stress and panic that came with it.

 

I already told you all that I am Turkish. So my mom tells me that “oh if he loved you he would take his side of responsibility in this pregnancy and marry you. I dont think he wants to marry you”. Although my bf actually asked me to marry him a few days ago, gave me a ring, but told me that he doesn’t want to rush a wedding. He wants to wait till after the birth.

 

So, I know i open up a lot of posts here and give the impression that I have a terrible relationship. But actually, my bf and I have a very dynamic, passionate, loving, and adventurous relationship. I just have anxiety problems and I am extremely impatient.

 

So, I decided to keep all negativity behind me and not talk to my mom till she has something nice to say about my situation.

 

Now my question is, is it normal to be pregnant then get married later in life? Should I feel like a failure in life because this happened to me? Anyone knows any happy marriages that happened after having kids?

 

Thanks in advance for all replies!

[dias]

How did you draw this conclusion? Yeah I know many couples who got married when their kids were 10+. A paper doesn't change anything.

[indea08]

In the US, it's probably more common now days to have a baby before marriage than it is to get married first. There are all different kinds of blended families all over the world.

 

I was single when I had my daughter. Start dating my husband right around her first birthday, married three weeks after her third birthday, and we've been very happily married for over a year.

 

I understand that being Turkish implies a set of acceptable "rules" to live by, but the world today is very different than it used to be, and not many people even bat an eye at a single mother. Everything will work out just fine, just focus on becoming the best mother you can be! You've been given a beautiful gift, and this baby will change your life in so many wonderful ways. You will eventually forget what your life was like without him/her, and life will be so much more rich and fulfilling when you see your baby smile at you, hear them say "I love you Mommy." It will be all good things, just be patient and enjoy what you have right now, because you won't ever get to experience being pregnant for the first time ever again.

[Cynid]

Yes, it's very common. Depending on the country, culture and the community you find yourself in, being pregnant and unmarried seen as a good or bad thing is debatable.

 

Personally, my parents go married when I was 5 or 6. Their marriage has gone through intense ups and downs. In and of itself is not the measure of love or respect.

I agree with indea08. In spite of what others around you say (I understand the situation you find yourself in, others may not), focus on being the best mother you can be. Your relationship with your child is the most important right now.

[HeartGoesOn]

It's a personal choice, there's no right or wrong, nor is there any one size fits all. At this point, I would simply focus on the well being of the baby.

 

I hope it all goes smoothly. Take care...

[catfeeder]

Is it Normal to Be Pregnant Unwed ?

Hi all.

So I finally made peace with being pregnant.

 

No, if you were at peace, you wouldn't be concerned with comparing yourself to norms, but congrats on your pregnancy and your loving relationship.

 

This is 2017, not 1917. Couples are deciding for themselves the order in which they will share homes, children and marriage, so the 'norm' has become whatever is best for any given couple.

 

That's exactly how I'd address this with any family member who attempts to make you feel lousy about scrapping old traditions. Women have been impregnated outside of marriage since the beginning of time--we've just claimed the pride and the power to exercise any controls we own or share with a partner on the matter and to stop treating ourselves as outcasts regardless of what older generations want to think about that.

 

Head high, and adopt the pride, resilience and optimism you'll want to teach your child.