Friend zone

[Trainer]

I'm hoping you can give me some advice. Here is the scenario:

 

I have been friends with this woman for six years. Two years ago I told her I had feelings for her. She said she wasn't interested in a serious relationship because a year earlier she lost her partner to cancer.

However she was seeing someone at the time, which she said it wasn't serious and that they were just having fun. At that time I wasn't sure if I could just be friends and she said she would understand if it was to much for me. However we remained friends. Fast forward two years and I move to a new city for a job and coincidentally she moved to the same city a month after I did for a new job also.

For the last four months we have hung out a lot. I also told her that it was good we were just friends and that I had put her in the friends zone to stay. She was glad that I wasn't tormented anymore, but asked if I was serious about staying in the friends zone, which I replied yes.

However obviously I was lying to myself. So yesterday I emailed her telling her that I was in love her still

I ended the email wishing her well and I hoped she had a fantastic life.

She emailed me back and said:

I am not sure what you mean by the last statement “hope you have a wonderful life!!”

 

If it is for us to no longer be friends, i am sad but will respect that of course. An hour later she texted me:

Can you respond to my email so I know what you want from me after that email. Sorry I cause you such undress, really.

So how should I respond and how long should I wait?

I think that it would bother her to lose me as a friend and I also think she does have feelings for me.

By the way she is still seeing that guy,

however they live 5.5 hours away from each other.

[reinventmyself]

If it is for us to no longer be friends, i am sad but will respect that of course.

She wanted clarity on exactly where you stand.

 

Be a little more direct.

- You thought you could just be friends, but you were mistaken and it's too hard to be in her company and pretend

that you don't want more.

Tell her you wish her the best and if anything changes to let you know. But until then you need to say goodbye.

[happyfrank]

She doesn't have sexual feelings towards you.

 

She just wants a platonic relationship and you want something more.

 

She is in a relationship with somebody. Distance doesn't matter.

[willdation]

Here is what you should do. Ask her out on a date. Think of something fun or somewhere she would like...Does she like wine or italian food? Invite her out there...If she says she just wants to be friends, just respond with - "I'd love to see ya, but I can't do friends. Let me know if you change your mind. You have my number." Then walk away...... If she has any sort of attraction she will let ya know....if not...then no point on waiting around and putting your life on hold..

[Sportster2005]

Seems pretty clear to me. You're in the friend zone, and she has no romantic interest in you.

 

I think that it would bother her to lose me as a friend and I also think she does have feelings for me.

 

Why would you think that? Any feelings she has are just friendly. If you can't be friends with her, don't. And leave it alone this time.

[DancingFool]

She has made it abundantly clear to you over the years that she is not interested in you romantically. So I don't know why you would still think that she has any kind of feelings for you other than just as a platonic friend.

 

She is asking a straightforward question - are you still friends or do you need to stop talking to her/being friends with her for good.

 

Sounds to me like you can't be just friends, so be honest and call it a day on this.

[Trainer]

I would like to thank everyone for their responses.

This is what I sent her:

 

 

I thought I could just be friends, but I was mistaken and it's too hard to be in your company and pretend

that I don't want more.

What I want from you is to be more than friends.

I'd like to take you out on an actual date.

However I know now that you only have platonic feelings for me.

I'd love to see you, but I can't do friends.

Let me know if you change your mind.

You have my number.

I wish you well.

[reinventmyself]

I would like to thank everyone for their responses.

This is what I sent her:

 

 

I thought I could just be friends, but I was mistaken and it's too hard to be in your company and pretend

that I don't want more.

What I want from you is to be more than friends.

I'd like to take you out on an actual date.

However I know now that you only have platonic feelings for me.

I'd love to see you, but I can't do friends.

Let me know if you change your mind.

You have my number.

I wish you well.

 

Well done. I am sure that was hard.