Flipper15 Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Hi there, I have posted before but I am really struggling. So much so I've called the samartians. I am seeing my doctor and having counciling but nothing seem to be helping. I know some people have answers before and been harsh 😢 It is long as well as I am dyslexic so please be considerate on spelling or language 😢 I don't feel I can talk to my family about all this and feel very alone. - Ex and I are 33 and 34 from UK -4 year relationship together lived together 3 1/2 years -Both madly in love, he told me first, same intrests, background and morals - My job takes me away from home months at a time but I have months off on leave at home and came back some weekends and he visited me at weekends at work. I was fond to give that career up once he was settled in his as he always hated me going away. -He struggled with work/ career but has now got his dream career which I helped him get into. - Only issue was his family who caused a lot of issues between us for a long time. I kept thing with them but the sister especially made it hard. It hurt him the rift between us but hed never say anything to them just to me which caused rows - Rest of the time perfectly happy and he got along v well with my family - I was diagnosed with PTSD after nearly being killed at work, my nana suddenly died as well as my friend from suicide (big shock). - Ex started new career end of march which takes him away during the week home weekends -Same week I burried (Easter 2017) my friend me and the ex had another huge row over his family and in my grief and confusion I told him he wasn't enough and to leave. - He was very upset as was I. He came back with suitcases and packed very upset same as me moved back with his family. -April and May he was horrible and kept blaming me for the split and said if didn't say what I said at Easter we would still be together. -He failed some exams in training and blamed it on the break up so got more chances. - I went to work and he went to house for the post and I had to tell him I wasn't there. He wasn't happy. - Went to work and couldn't cope with deaths, PTSD and went back to hotel to find out he pulled the plug on the tenancy. I had to drive all the way home and leave work leaving me in big trouble. I was very ill and had to stay with mt parents and be given medication from doctor. - May I go back to the house and he turned up and walked in with his key unannoced and scared me. Acted very cold and said he came for post on a Saturday night???? And to check I was ok because he had not heard from me. He was cold and distance and just kept attacking me with stuff. -Go to my friends who message him and he says he still loves me and wants to sort it out because we'd been through alt together, said maybe sit down with a couples councillor, but he said he also needs to see a councillor himself. But said because of work he didn't have time. I know he's afraid to see a councillor because if he does his work will put him on RNR. But both me and his mum said he needs to see someone. -He fails 3 exams on a course and calls me when manchester be bombing happened to check I was ok. Then breaks to me he failed exams and asked to meet up go to vidul together, I was too scared. But he was such a mess and I held his head up on the phone and told him not to quit. -I offer to help him as I've done the same course he instead he had time with his family and friends. -He goes back to work and fails the last exam and fails the whole course and gets back grounded to pass out in September not July like planned. He was very upset. I said I offered to help you. -Said he missed me, misses us, had so much together, said we were too close or drift apart been through too much together, couldn't never not know me wanted to sort it or cring his eyes out. Very concerning behaviour and admitted he was cold in May to protect himself. Wanted to work it all out and work through issues as well as with work. He was a utter mess I was so concerned about him. - Comes home again had a big chat with his mum who also suggested a councillor and goes back to work telling me just to be friends and maybe one day work it out but work meant then most to him right now as it was his dream career. -His friend who he saw said to me he was very very upset and maybe we could work it out but that she too told him to comcedtate in career as it was his only chance to complete his dream. -Then sees his friends when he's been crying to me for weeks. Saying he'll always be there for me and can always call him. -Things got said and stuff misintruptated form other people too. -July he said leave him alone but then turns up announced again hours later unannounced and just total confused me. Said his work was his priority and didn't want to be with anyone right now but he needed to get to know and trust me again and see what September brought but seem quite cold until I got upset when real him started to come back out. Wanted to meet me two weeks later. -We had another but row and it turned nasty and he hurt me and then said this is why I can't do it. Your going to call the police ill loose my job. I thought what the hell? But now I know that he didn't like how he was being towards me as his friend said and I worry that he thinks if we sorted it out and he was like that again one day I might call them and he will loose his dream career. But I'm not like that. And now I know all the issues it just takes talkinf not screaming. -Emails me on my birthday wanted to know if I was ok. Didn't know about us but could be friends but not sure about us. -Next week his group pass out, his parents go down and then my workmates spotted he just joined a dating site!!! 3 months after we split after 4 years!!! A month after him crying to me! - Blocked me down to email only to distance himself for work. So stupid as he was the one calling and texting me all the time. He tried everyway possible when I was at my friend's. -Then I had to move out of the house remove his stuff and complete clean throughout. He didn't but help despite being home and me and my family had to do and pay for everything. - I ask him to pick his stuff up he said no. I said I will put it on his parents driveway he said ok, his friend now says that it upset him....like ok the bad guy! -His friend opened up to me, told me we broke because of the family stuff. Because his family mean everything and the rift was getting to him despite not me trying. She said it wasn't hurting him and I was too blindsided by my grief to recognise it! Said he didn't like how he behaved towards me over it he didn't like that side of himself being towards me. I said he's online dating she said he's not dating anyone and people do crazy stuff when they are hurt, kept asking me questions about he family and asked me why I didnt have it out with his sister and to go to his parents and alsorts. Everything he's not told me. Says he does miss the good times. She said he should sit down and speak to you but he won't and has to do it in his time. He's said he's on shutdown and on defensive mode. -He's remained in touch via email and just attacks me all the time. Still blames me for the split despite him knowing his friend has told me the truth. - He said I always put me friends and workmates problems before ours (he didnt commincate to me how bad he was feeling with it all). -Says he passed his training now answer distanced himself from it all to concertante on it and the one ounce of doubt I had spured him on! I thought nice I've supported you throughout and got you the job! -Hes blocked me on fb but kept my family and friends on there's who noticed he was putting stuff up directed at us or me and making him out to be the good guy and people to feel sorry for him. -Someone said he posted "never expect too much" I confronted but him via email and he said yes I never have in any relationships. Seen as he's not been out with anyone since me it was a clear hit at me, yet I was surposed to be a mind reader. He also dropped himself in it when he emailed a screen print he took in April but I'm the friend said no no no he's stalking your page! That wasn't your profile picture back then that's been in the last two weeks! Wake up he's following you. I confronted him on email and he flipped his lid and blocked me on Facebook. Same with emailing me with 1,2,3 format.....someone said I had to tell you but he's posted that song, I confirmed him in email the next email was a normal format. A these little signs it's stupid! Why not just open up to me! Then he says he just see memories and scrolls past them....now I know he's not that type of guy he's one who thinks of memories. - it's so stupid because even though I know nkw all from his friend he is still picking holes out of me. Says that I always put my friends problems before ours (he didn't communicate to me!), says I posted photos of me and my male work colleuges and it annoyed him (i work with a lot of men but they are work colleuges and he's never complained before and he's met a lot of them). Alsorts of stuff he's never told me 😢 Just blame blame blame 😢 ive taken on my faults and didn't realise stuff got to him as he didn't tell me and aakd sorry but he won't say sorry for anything 😢 -I've told him how ive had grief counciling, tried to better myself and work through but issues and recognised issues with us and to sit down and talk. -One minute he says he may meet me but doesn't have any reason too and then he says he's won't the next he will. -I drove down a 9 hour trip and he failed no to show. Emailed me then next day and said he wasn't havinf his group meal (he said only known his class 6 months) and was packing 😢 It's all a mess, we've seen each other twice since the split while he was training and concernyratinf on that. He keeps popping up on email but not always. He's blocked me everywhere bar small but he's also dropped himself in it that he's stalked now my fb page which he didn't when we were together. It's totally out of character for him. We've had our rows yes like any couple does. But he knows now I know the real reasons from his friend. He is usuallf a very sensitive, caring, level headed, compassionate guy but he can be very stubborn and can be controlling with a temper. He's the one who said to me I will always be there even after we first split and I told him to leave me alone, he was constantly ringing and texting me. This is a guy who wanted to settle down marry and have kids and talked of that with me. Everyone we know knew we were happy together and even his friend who knows him well said I've never seen him as happy as when he was with you and I've seen girls come and go in his life. He's usually a dweller who looks at memories a lot. The smallest thing can make him cry even once when I bought him this heartfelt book he cried. He's never been like this with any ex of his. And I know he's been upset for ages after relationships in the past but he says I was the most significant one and treats me this way 😢 He also said to me when we split he's not the one to go out with the old in with the new and go out dating...only took him 3 months to do that 😢 Just a mess and he said done a total 180 and thinks he should great with his new career and been locstion seems to think he's on a role and totally forgot the girl he said neant more fhan any fiel hes been with a and talked of marriage and kids 😢 Ive been so ill with it all I've even called the smaratians 😢 I have ceased contact with him now. He's just started his job just out of trianing and will be working long 12 hour shifts just stood around doing nothing. No phone no nothing. I have experience of this type of work and often it can play with the mind. My mates hope he has a wake up call and the memories come flooding in. My workmates misses will be working with him. She said a lot of new recruits have joined and already left because why've realised it's not all it's cracked up to be after their training school and it will be like that for two years. He seems to think his new career and new location is brilliant and a new life and I've just been kicked to the curb like he's in some new cult 😢 Link to comment
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