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Emotionally unstable/unavailable?


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I’m 32 and meet a girl who is 27 , great chemistry. We meet up quite frequently at first. She opens up about how her and the ex called it off after 6 years and an engagement in April(I know that’s pretty recent for a deal that long) being aware of this I make it clear to her I’m cool going at her pace and not trying to force or hurry anything, she was greatly appreciative of this. One weekend she takes off to a rock concert event her and her friends have gone to for a few years.


She gets back in town, we reconnect make plans to hang out. The day of we text that morning planning out details of what was going on. Comes time to meet up, message her to no reply. Little later ask how she’s doing, no response. Following day let her know I was hoping she was doing well and ok because it’s not been in her character to drop communication like that. Still, no response. Later on I try calling, no answer. She’s finally messaged back explaining how she saw her ex at that event and he was talking with another or and how she still feels sick thinking about it and didn’t want to ‘I’m not trying to be a flake but I didn’t want bring that awkarwdness on you’ and she ended by saying she apparieacted me checking in.


I leave it alone for a couple days to let her have her space then reconnect and things are good, make plans to meet up a few days later, we do have a great time like always and she is super excited for her trip to Norway(for 2 weeks) soon and mentions wanting to see me again before she leaves in a few days. So we make plans to meet up.


The day off she texts me letting me know she’s having a really bad day at work and questioning if she even wants to keep doing what she does and tells me we’re gonna have to post pone meeting up. I simply say ok, then she opens up a little about the day, I send back some insight and she immediately suggests meeting up at this sculpture park. I say sure, (I mean we already had plans to meet up at this time anyway)


Meet up with her, she spends a decent amount of time explaining her frustrations and I do my best to listen along and offer perspective when needed. We then walk around a bit and talk some more, I can sense she is pretty off from how her normal demeanor is but just let it be based on the day she’s had. Get back to our cars, she mentions meeting up later to get a beer after she finished up some evening work stuff around 8, I say sure just let me know. We hug and kiss, she then says I’ll see ya later tonight! 8:30 or so send her a message asking what she was thinking, no response.


Right back in the realm of complete uncertainty on my end. I leave it along until the next day(today, she leaves on her trip tomorrow) after consulting a long time friend who has met her I deliberate on not getting into anything that could be contrived as emotional or resentful and just say ‘hey, bummer we didn’t meet up again last night. Hope your trip goes well!’


Don’t hear a damn thing back and have nothing but questions and doubt about everything.

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She is not yet over her ex and therefore not really emotionally ready to be involved with someone else, even on an easy going casual basis.

In your shoes, I'd put her on the back burner and start dating others. If she comes around eventually, then you might try again if still interested and available, but right now... it's just not going to work and this seems too much like you are the rebound guy....kind of sort of because she doesn't seem capable of even rebound fun at this point.

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