Getting Closure

[Sportster2005]

What we need to do, the healthy thing to do, is to talk it out with the person with whom we were involved in an effort to give *each other* the necessary closure we "both" need in order to move on properly.

We? No, that's what you need to do. I keep it real simple. You're done with me? Good luck, good bye. I won't even use the term closure. It's just another catchy word that gets thrown around to excuse poor behavior. People don't need 'closure', they need to grieve, and the process is well understood.

If we don't have the opportunity to do that due to ghosting or whatever, it leaves both wondering what the hell happened, or one or both feeling guilty, which never really goes away.

Wondering what? They're not interested. That's all I need to know. Good luck, good bye.

Sure we can suppress those feelings, in order to give ourselves "closure," but in the end those feelings will eventually resurface and bite us in the ass!

 

Or you can move on, we have freedom of choice, exercise it.

 

 

This is why, imo, ghosters often return later. Initially, they shoved their feelings of guilt down, and were fine, but later those guilt feelings resurfaced, which haunted them so they attempt to make contact with the person they ghosted on.

imo it's not worth the effort to think about. Good bye, good luck.

How many stories have we read about this? Men (and women) ghosting and then returning later. Too many to count!

The story you relate here makes one that I've heard of. Seriously I've never heard of ghosters returning. And they shouldn't be allowed to. It's inexcusable behavior. Why would you even let someone like that even contact you?

 

Last week I got chatting with a woman whose fiancé had ghosted on her two weeks before the wedding! She had no idea why, never got any closure, and was devastated. This happened three YEARS ago.

 

She admitted because of this, she was never really able to move on properly. No matter how hard she tried to give herself closure, was not happening.

Instead of seeking closure she should have sought professional help. She must have been devastated and it's a sad story. But she wasted time looking for closure instead of finding ways to move on.

One week ago (after three years no contact), her ex made contact. All sorts of regrets for doing what he did (ghosting), admitted it was a big mistake, he's sorry, and it's been haunting him ever since, unable to have healthy relationships, etc.

blah blah blah, what BS. She should of hung up on him. People really need better BS detectors.

 

If only they had talked, discussed their issues, wished each other well and said proper goodbyes, three years worth of feeling devastated (her), guilt and regrets, unhealthy relationships (him) could have been avoided. So sad.

If only she sought help she would be healthy and told this dufus to pound sound. What's sad, is people don't have, or know of the proper resources to deal with these types of tragedies.

 

So, try as we might, I think it is very difficult if not impossible to give yourself closure when shyt like this happens. For both people.

 

It's mindboggling simple. Good bye, good luck. Move on with your life instead of seeking some

mythical monster called closure.

 

I will never again advise someone to do this. I don't know what the answer is, but telling someone whose partner suddenly disappeared with no explanation, that closure comes from within (or to just move on) sort of dismisses and invalidates their feelings, again my opinion.

If they asked me about closure I would tell them t's foolishness, and they need to seek professional help if they're broken.

Thoughts?

 

I find it very difficult to move on, and I'm not suggesting it's easy. But it is the correct thing to do. I think closure is an artificial block people use to stay miserable, for whatever dark, twisted reason.

 

Could be wrong, but I've made it this far without closure.