Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

[Pto29538]

So honestly, I'm in the same position as you, but it's been a little longer for me. Me ex broke up with me out of the blue about 3 months ago. When it happened, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I cried myself to sleep and never thought I'd find someone like him ever again. i asked on here, just like you, and everyone told me the same thing "it gets better." i didn't believe them, until it happened. it got better. it just takes some time. i stopped checking his social media. he missed my graduation and my birthday and then realized he's not worth it. someone will come into your life that IS worth it and is there for you and cares about you. i haven't found anyone new, but i have enjoyed being on my own for a little. i hope you do the same and realize there is someone out there that will care for you and make you happy. my friends probably got tired of me as well but when something happens in their life, you will definitely be there for them and that's the point of friends

 

That is really nice that hear a positive story , I've been nearly 8 weeks now but still have very bad days like yesterday which I spent in tears most of the time , I find it hard to get enjoyment out of anything else and don't go for very long periods without thinking of him, what worked best for you ,,,? Also everyone says you will meet someone who is right for you and who loves you much better than these men , that comment never sits right with me as who actually knows that, I read a post yesterday from a lady in her sixties whose boyfriend of under a year had just split with her so there is possiblity we won't have fulfilling or long term life long relationships, why does everyone suggest that we will though , is it just to make us feel better

[Pto29538]

Hope you all have nice weekends and stay strong. My weekend starts early . I'm off to bed now as heading to dubrovnik with my sister for the weekend . My holiday with my ex was cancelled so I haven't been away this year. I'm in mixed minds about it . Will be good to be kept busy and somewhere new . My older sister doesn't know much about my breakup so I hope I don't feel the need to cry over the next few days as I know she wouldn't understand. I'm dreading going to

The airport as well as my ex was a pilot so while I know ther is little chance of running into him I will have big reminders of him . I'm hoping I can hold it all together and take the most from the little holiday . I booked it almost six weeks ago assuming by now I would be completely over him so I'm disappointed that the day before we fly I really find myself in not a great place .

[Helpmesavethis]

Hope you all have nice weekends and stay strong. My weekend starts early . I'm off to bed now as heading to dubrovnik with my sister for the weekend . My holiday with my ex was cancelled so I haven't been away this year. I'm in mixed minds about it . Will be good to be kept busy and somewhere new . My older sister doesn't know much about my breakup so I hope I don't feel the need to cry over the next few days as I know she wouldn't understand. I'm dreading going to

The airport as well as my ex was a pilot so while I know ther is little chance of running into him I will have big reminders of him . I'm hoping I can hold it all together and take the most from the little holiday . I booked it almost six weeks ago assuming by now I would be completely over him so I'm disappointed that the day before we fly I really find myself in not a great place .

 

This is good for you. You'll get away from every day things and you're going to push thru being at the airport and reminded of him etc. You can do it and I bet come back feeling good. And maybe your sister doesn't understand but she is your sister and I bet is there to support you. Try your best to have a great time!!

[Sweet Sue]

My boyfriend broke up with me last week after 9 months of dating. He was the best thing that happened to me and I thought he was the real deal. He told me he loved me everyday and was always there when I needed him, and I really needed him. I have health issues (a chronic illness), but he knew that we he decided to commit to the relationship. He told me I was the right woman and wished he met me when we were together in high school. I couldn't find anything about him that I didn't like. We were like a perfect fit. What attracted me to him was his generous loving nature. He never raised his hand or his voice to me. He loved to help people and made himself available to me and my dad who I take care of 24/7. We made plans on our last date to find a good place for my dad in case I can no longer care for him. Two days later, I receive a phone call that he wants to break up!

So, what went wrong?? What did I do wrong? He feared I would never get well and he might not be able to afford me. Then he added, someone from his past with whom he was very close, made contact with him and he wants to pursue her. He lost his wife after 32 years and I was only the 3rd woman he dated....we are both 61. I was blindsighted and I can tell you I was very hurt. I felt betrayed. I know how you feel. I have been through this before, many times. My advice is that there is no magic bullet. The best thing I did for myself is to tell myself that while I may never know or understand, I am going to be fine and this is just another hurdle in the journey of life that we all have to go through to bring us to better things ahead. You are still in the moment. Try looking at the bigger picture. This happened for a reason. And ask yourself if you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?? Of course not. I was was so deeply in love with a guy and when we broke up, I thought my world had ended. I cried for months and thought I would never find anyone who loved me like that again. I wanted him back and tried every way I could to get him back. He never came back. Years later, we met up. And you know what??? I saw how much he had changed and he wasn't the person he was back then and I was so happy things didn't work out!!! You see, it wasn't meant to be. My advice is to love yourself and tell yourself that you deserve better and never settle. Be positive and keep busy. Things have a way of working out. I am 61, and I have been through alot and learned alot. It is not the end of the world and in time you will most likely find out he probably did you a favor. I don't know how old you are, but if you are a Christian or spiritual, pray alot. I do. And know that God has your back and will give you strength and comfort and he has a wonderful plan for you! You will see!!!

[Helpmesavethis]

My boyfriend broke up with me last week after 9 months of dating. He was the best thing that happened to me and I thought he was the real deal. He told me he loved me everyday and was always there when I needed him, and I really needed him. I have health issues (a chronic illness), but he knew that we he decided to commit to the relationship. He told me I was the right woman and wished he met me when we were together in high school. I couldn't find anything about him that I didn't like. We were like a perfect fit. What attracted me to him was his generous loving nature. He never raised his hand or his voice to me. He loved to help people and made himself available to me and my dad who I take care of 24/7. We made plans on our last date to find a good place for my dad in case I can no longer care for him. Two days later, I receive a phone call that he wants to break up!

So, what went wrong?? What did I do wrong? He feared I would never get well and he might not be able to afford me. Then he added, someone from his past with whom he was very close, made contact with him and he wants to pursue her. He lost his wife after 32 years and I was only the 3rd woman he dated....we are both 61. I was blindsighted and I can tell you I was very hurt. I felt betrayed. I know how you feel. I have been through this before, many times. My advice is that there is no magic bullet. The best thing I did for myself is to tell myself that while I may never know or understand, I am going to be fine and this is just another hurdle in the journey of life that we all have to go through to bring us to better things ahead. You are still in the moment. Try looking at the bigger picture. This happened for a reason. And ask yourself if you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?? Of course not. I was was so deeply in love with a guy and when we broke up, I thought my world had ended. I cried for months and thought I would never find anyone who loved me like that again. I wanted him back and tried every way I could to get him back. He never came back. Years later, we met up. And you know what??? I saw how much he had changed and he wasn't the person he was back then and I was so happy things didn't work out!!! You see, it wasn't meant to be. My advice is to love yourself and tell yourself that you deserve better and never settle. Be positive and keep busy. Things have a way of working out. I am 61, and I have been through alot and learned alot. It is not the end of the world and in time you will most likely find out he probably did you a favor. I don't know how old you are, but if you are a Christian or spiritual, pray alot. I do. And know that God has your back and will give you strength and comfort and he has a wonderful plan for you! You will see!!!

 

Thank you so much for this. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your father. I used to pray my guy would come back.... Now I just pray to get over him. I'm doing great and I know God has a plan for me. I also believe that what's meant to be will be and if my guy were the one for me it wouldn't have been so easy to let me go... so sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers as much as I do the answered ones. I hope you're doing ok. Sounds like your guy thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I bet he tries to come back.. Hugs to you.

[Sweet Sue]

Thank you sweetie! Yes, I am getting better with each day and so will you. Every time I cried, I thought, why I am crying over someone who is NOT crying over me. It's a waste of time and energy. I do thank God for unanswered prayers. He knows what's best for us and He's preparing us for the next journey ahead. I don't know if he will come back although I asked if he would leave a crack. I think he found someone who is healthy, has money and loves the outdoors as much as he does. How do I compete with that?? Be patient and chin up! You sound like a wonderful person who deserves a wonderful man who can appreciate you and all you have to offer. Hugs to you and keep us posted!

[Helpmesavethis]

Thank you sweetie! Yes, I am getting better with each day and so will you. Every time I cried, I thought, why I am crying over someone who is NOT crying over me. It's a waste of time and energy. I do thank God for unanswered prayers. He knows what's best for us and He's preparing us for the next journey ahead. I don't know if he will come back although I asked if he would leave a crack. I think he found someone who is healthy, has money and loves the outdoors as much as he does. How do I compete with that?? Be patient and chin up! You sound like a wonderful person who deserves a wonderful man who can appreciate you and all you have to offer. Hugs to you and keep us posted!

 

Love your positive attitude. I have tried to keep the same throughout all of this and send that energy off to everyone else, even at my weakest moments. Today marks one week since I've shed a tear and I hope that continues. You sound so strong and I hope you truly are. Your positive outlook definitely makes me feel better if nothing else and I hope that makes you feel good too. Get yourself well and show that man what he missed out on.

[Pto29538]

This is good for you. You'll get away from every day things and you're going to push thru being at the airport and reminded of him etc. You can do it and I bet come back feeling good. And maybe your sister doesn't understand but she is your sister and I bet is there to support you. Try your best to have a great time!!

 

Having a nice today and pushed through today although seeing all the couples reminded me of him . I've cried every day since we split so I've come back to hotel for an hour on my own so I can do that and get it out of my system. It's just being building up in me all day and I know if I let it out there is some chance I will enjoy dinner and a drink this evening . It's a pity I can't enjoy this holiday to the fullest but At least I've made myself come

[Pto29538]

My boyfriend broke up with me last week after 9 months of dating. He was the best thing that happened to me and I thought he was the real deal. He told me he loved me everyday and was always there when I needed him, and I really needed him. I have health issues (a chronic illness), but he knew that we he decided to commit to the relationship. He told me I was the right woman and wished he met me when we were together in high school. I couldn't find anything about him that I didn't like. We were like a perfect fit. What attracted me to him was his generous loving nature. He never raised his hand or his voice to me. He loved to help people and made himself available to me and my dad who I take care of 24/7. We made plans on our last date to find a good place for my dad in case I can no longer care for him. Two days later, I receive a phone call that he wants to break up!

So, what went wrong?? What did I do wrong? He feared I would never get well and he might not be able to afford me. Then he added, someone from his past with whom he was very close, made contact with him and he wants to pursue her. He lost his wife after 32 years and I was only the 3rd woman he dated....we are both 61. I was blindsighted and I can tell you I was very hurt. I felt betrayed. I know how you feel. I have been through this before, many times. My advice is that there is no magic bullet. The best thing I did for myself is to tell myself that while I may never know or understand, I am going to be fine and this is just another hurdle in the journey of life that we all have to go through to bring us to better things ahead. You are still in the moment. Try looking at the bigger picture. This happened for a reason. And ask yourself if you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?? Of course not. I was was so deeply in love with a guy and when we broke up, I thought my world had ended. I cried for months and thought I would never find anyone who loved me like that again. I wanted him back and tried every way I could to get him back. He never came back. Years later, we met up. And you know what??? I saw how much he had changed and he wasn't the person he was back then and I was so happy things didn't work out!!! You see, it wasn't meant to be. My advice is to love yourself and tell yourself that you deserve better and never settle. Be positive and keep busy. Things have a way of working out. I am 61, and I have been through alot and learned alot. It is not the end of the world and in time you will most likely find out he probably did you a favor. I don't know how old you are, but if you are a Christian or spiritual, pray alot. I do. And know that God has your back and will give you strength and comfort and he has a wonderful plan for you! You will see!!!

 

Your story shocked me . We want a pain that will stick with us and support us in our time of need. I really admire your faith in god and the belief that things will work out . I'm quite spiritual but I'm 41 and I feel after all the hard breakups I've had that god might just think it's best for me to be single . I know I find that hard to accept but gods plan sometimes isn't what we want but we have to believe there is some bigger force at work out there .

[Radiate21]

I'm sending you hugs. I feel that way all the time. There are so many things that I did with him and places that we went together. Everything triggers a memory. Sometimes I find myself crying over the silliest things.

 

Today I woke up feeling numb. I go through moments of numbness and I don't know how I feel about it. I want to reach out and invite him to get together, but I'm terrified that he might say no. I feel if I wait too long everything will slip away and he will forget how wonderful we were together. I was in such a rush for us to move to the next phase... get engaged, married, and have kids. If it isn't with him, I no longer care about dating, marriage, or anything. I'm just over it. I feel abandoned by my best friend of 18 years who has hardly answered my calls and pretty much blew me off when I flew across the country to see her. I feel completely rejected by my cousin who I was always close to, who won't even return my calls because he knows I'm going through a breakup and doesn't want to "deal with it." I've been keeping busy and to the outside world it looks like I'm having a blast, but I feel nothing at all. I just go between emptiness and complete sadness. I've lost my soulmate, partner, best friend, and family member.

Sending you hugs too, my dear!!! I know what you mean about everything slipping away. The more time that goes by with NC, the more final it feels. I think that is part of the point of NC, though painful it is necessary.

I am so sorry to hear that you've lost other support systems as well in addition to your ex. I know how this feels, too. A lot of my friends started moving away in the last few months but I didn't push myself to make many new ones because I was always with my ex. Now that he's gone too I'm feeling a pretty large void. In fact, I was just in Europe visiting one of my closest female friends in August and she ditched me for a guy she met at a techno dance club in Amsterdam and "fell for" and I had to spend a week and a half in Budapest and Rome by myself. I'm not even kidding!!! So I really know how you feel.

I hope each day has gotten a little bit better for you

[Radiate21]

Ok, so why are you on Tinder? For yourself or to see if he's on there? I hope for yourself... Otherwise, stay off of there!! Regardless, he's dumb, insensitive, stupid to think another girl will be interested with you there, etc. I'm sorry you saw that but I hope you weren't looking for something... When we look, we are likely most of the time not going to like what we see... So why look?!?! It hurts more. And.... I've said it a hundred times and I'm going to say it again.... I'll never understand how people can do other people like some of these have done us. Hang in there..

I really have been on there for myself!! When I first downloaded it a few weeks ago I saw him and deleted him, so I was shocked to see him come up again, this time with new photos. But actually, since I saw that, I've been feeling so much better...!

 

It helped me realize that this guy I have up on this huge pedestal is in fact a pretty immature, kind of moronic dude (sometimes). And he's only human. I don't want to spend my life with someone who rationalizes using a photo of his recent ex on his dating profile. That's just a weird thing to do and I feel like seeing that helped me distance myself from him a little.

 

I know it's a small thing, but I'm trying to use it to help me

[Radiate21]

Having a nice today and pushed through today although seeing all the couples reminded me of him . I've cried every day since we split so I've come back to hotel for an hour on my own so I can do that and get it out of my system. It's just being building up in me all day and I know if I let it out there is some chance I will enjoy dinner and a drink this evening . It's a pity I can't enjoy this holiday to the fullest but At least I've made myself come

 

I'm glad you are staying strong today! Crying is great for you and it's good you're allowing yourself to do so. Just the fact that you got yourself to this holiday and are able to be outside and spend time with people shows a lot of strength.

[Helpmesavethis]

I really have been on there for myself!! When I first downloaded it a few weeks ago I saw him and deleted him, so I was shocked to see him come up again, this time with new photos. But actually, since I saw that, I've been feeling so much better...!

 

It helped me realize that this guy I have up on this huge pedestal is in fact a pretty immature, kind of moronic dude (sometimes). And he's only human. I don't want to spend my life with someone who rationalizes using a photo of his recent ex on his dating profile. That's just a weird thing to do and I feel like seeing that helped me distance myself from him a little.

 

I know it's a small thing, but I'm trying to use it to help me

 

Then that's great! I went on mines Facebook last Friday and came to the conclusion he is seeing someone else although not confirmed but it helps me more so than hurts. I did have a weak day but ever since then, I've felt a lot better. I had a feeling but hadn't seen much evidence and feel like I did find enough evidence now to know they're dating.. I haven't visited his page since and have no desire to really. So while it hurt to see, I too feel better after seeing it. But I won't continue putting myself thru that hurt. Hopefully you don't either.

[Helpmesavethis]

Having a nice today and pushed through today although seeing all the couples reminded me of him . I've cried every day since we split so I've come back to hotel for an hour on my own so I can do that and get it out of my system. It's just being building up in me all day and I know if I let it out there is some chance I will enjoy dinner and a drink this evening . It's a pity I can't enjoy this holiday to the fullest but At least I've made myself come

 

You can do it!! Get your tears out and go have some fun. I hope your sister is being understanding. Hang in there!!

[Sweet Sue]

God knows your needs before you even ask. Give it to him.....your worries, finances, sickness and yes, even ask him to bring that special someone into your life. And he will. All you have to do is ask and be patient. That's the hard part, because timing is everything. It is on his terms, not ours. You are now growing and healing. I say affirmations everyday for what I want and you can do it too. He works in mysterious ways. Just last year after spending 9 months on 3 dating sites, I met nobody. Discouraged I thought, how will I, a person who is virtually a recluse, but still gets out occasionally ever meet someone. So I prayed and turned it over to God. I told him I didn't want to go out and search and for him to search for someone for me. About two weeks later, out of nowhere, I sent a friend request to "Joe" that I knew in high school. And that's how we began our relationship. All along I asked God why he sent "Joe" to me when I wasn't ready? But he has a reason that has yet to be revealed to me. I am grateful for the 9 months he was in my life and I will work on regaining my health and self esteem and when the right person comes along I will be ready! Hugs to you and hang in there. Pray alot!

[Thainara]

Then that's great! I went on mines Facebook last Friday and came to the conclusion he is seeing someone else although not confirmed but it helps me more so than hurts. I did have a weak day but ever since then, I've felt a lot better. I had a feeling but hadn't seen much evidence and feel like I did find enough evidence now to know they're dating.. I haven't visited his page since and have no desire to really. So while it hurt to see, I too feel better after seeing it. But I won't continue putting myself thru that hurt. Hopefully you don't either.

 

 

I saw mine on a dating website 1 month after our split. And one of the reasons he gave me for the BU was "I'm not ready for a relationship. I have to heal first" Lol. One funny thing is that when we were together, I took many pictures of him and I don't know exactly why I asked him "Hey, if one day we split up, don't use these pics on your dating profile" and he agreed. I checked his pics and he really didn't (isn't he loyal? hahaha. Whatever... the thing is time really heals and after a little more of 3 months he's almost completely gone. I rarely think of him and I still can look at our pictures without feeling a thing. And when I see them I don't think he's cute anymore. It feels so good to breathe and have my heart in peace again. One bad result of all this is that for the first time in my life I don't think I can open my heart again. Just like you, I've been through this so many times and when I look inside, I can clearly see my heart full of scars. I'm going out on dates, having good times, chatting, laughing but if the guy invites me out for a second date I give him an excuse and that's it. I would love to have a partner, a family, someone to share my life but the price I paid is too high. I don't know if this feeling will ever change.

[Helpmesavethis]

I saw mine on a dating website 1 month after our split. And one of the reasons he gave me for the BU was "I'm not ready for a relationship. I have to heal first" Lol. One funny thing is that when we were together, I took many pictures of him and I don't know exactly why I asked him "Hey, if one day we split up, don't use these pics on your dating profile" and he agreed. I checked his pics and he really didn't (isn't he loyal? hahaha. Whatever... the thing is time really heals and after a little more of 3 months he's almost completely gone. I rarely think of him and I still can look at our pictures without feeling a thing. And when I see them I don't think he's cute anymore. It feels so good to breathe and have my heart in peace again. One bad result of all this is that for the first time in my life I don't think I can open my heart again. Just like you, I've been through this so many times and when I look inside, I can clearly see my heart full of scars. I'm going out on dates, having good times, chatting, laughing but if the guy invites me out for a second date I give him an excuse and that's it. I would love to have a partner, a family, someone to share my life but the price I paid is too high. I don't know if this feeling will ever change.

 

I'm sure it'll eventually come back to you. When I got divorced, it took me over 18 months to date and then another 5/6 before I really let the guy I was seeing in. So basically 2 years before my heart opened backup, but it did. I'm sure yours will too. It just makes me more leary of falling in love but hopefully I've learned enough from past relationships to really take my time and find the right guy and do the right things next time around..

[mcnugget]

Sending you hugs too, my dear!!! I know what you mean about everything slipping away. The more time that goes by with NC, the more final it feels. I think that is part of the point of NC, though painful it is necessary.

I am so sorry to hear that you've lost other support systems as well in addition to your ex. I know how this feels, too. A lot of my friends started moving away in the last few months but I didn't push myself to make many new ones because I was always with my ex. Now that he's gone too I'm feeling a pretty large void. In fact, I was just in Europe visiting one of my closest female friends in August and she ditched me for a guy she met at a techno dance club in Amsterdam and "fell for" and I had to spend a week and a half in Budapest and Rome by myself. I'm not even kidding!!! So I really know how you feel.

I hope each day has gotten a little bit better for you

 

I wonder if I made the right choice going NC. It feels very final now, but I wonder if I had reached out earlier if we would have had a chance to work things out. It's been 6 weeks now and I think it is really over. I saw a picture of him online on a plane where he said "ready to booze" I don't know if he is traveling somewhere fun or deploying somewhere dangerous for months. I worry about him. He avoided overseas deployments for a year because of our relationship, but I knew another would come soon. He had one early on in our relationship and we made it. He warned me that one was likely going to come soon. He was always trying to protect me and it was difficult that there were so many secrets. I was terrified of a future where I wouldn't know where he was going or for how long he would be gone. When I saw him the week after our breakup he told me his travel would be picking up again. I just can't believe I didn't get to see or talk to him again. We had no chance and now we never will. It's like we never meant anything at all. How could he just cut me off without any struggle? Perhaps he is just visiting his ex-gf for the weekend... I don't know. I don't know anything.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience in Europe. I hope you found many things to entertain yourself while you traveled. Your significant other really does become your best friend. In my case like yours, my friends moved. I really connected with my ex's friends so I didn't push myself to find a separate friend group. I work from home so I don't have a lot of other people my age around me. My ex had a huge friend group and we all got along really well so it was a huge plus. I would get invited to his friend's fiance's bridal showers and girlfriend's movie nights. We would double date and entertain with his friends locally and travel to see my friends. I talked to my ex every morning, afternoon, and evening. He was my biggest cheerleader and support system. Now there is this huge void.

 

The worst is waking up and falling asleep alone...

[mcnugget]

Good golly online dating is terrible! I forgot how much I hated dating. I keep hearing from exes and they "forget" to mention that they are currently seeing people. Everyone is so shady. Online dating is just tiresome. Picking is slim. Some people get obsessive and too high pressure. The ones of interest seem to just disappear.

 

I do not want to do this again... everything just clicked instantly with the ex. We had easy banter instantly. Switched to a bit of texting. Set up a date. Held hands the whole time. Set up a second date for a few days later. Set up a third date for the same week. Went on four dates the next week. Same thing the next week. Didn't have time or interest in dating others. Took our profiles down. Started going on weekend trips. Instant relationship.

[Helpmesavethis]

Good golly online dating is terrible! I forgot how much I hated dating. I keep hearing from exes and they "forget" to mention that they are currently seeing people. Everyone is so shady. Online dating is just tiresome. Picking is slim. Some people get obsessive and too high pressure. The ones of interest seem to just disappear.

 

I do not want to do this again... everything just clicked instantly with the ex. We had easy banter instantly. Switched to a bit of texting. Set up a date. Held hands the whole time. Set up a second date for a few days later. Set up a third date for the same week. Went on four dates the next week. Same thing the next week. Didn't have time or interest in dating others. Took our profiles down. Started going on weekend trips. Instant relationship.

 

I've never done online dating. I'm not opposed to it but I just always have the attitude that I don't need a man.. Both of the men I have dated after my marriage have come to me at horse events or knew of my thru them. But, as you said, it's a pain in the rear. I have a friend that does a lot of online dating and she goes on 2/3 dates a week sometimes. I'm like how do you keep up?!?! Haha. I'm not anti dating but I'm not looking for it either. If someone comes along, great, if not, that's great too....

[Pto29538]

I've never done online dating. I'm not opposed to it but I just always have the attitude that I don't need a man.. Both of the men I have dated after my marriage have come to me at horse events or knew of my thru them. But, as you said, it's a pain in the rear. I have a friend that does a lot of online dating and she goes on 2/3 dates a week sometimes. I'm like how do you keep up?!?! Haha. I'm not anti dating but I'm not looking for it either. If someone comes along, great, if not, that's great too....

 

I really love that attitude . I've been online dating for the last 10 years on and off and have had about 3 relationships out of it including my recent ex. While they have brought me great times they have also brought me great heart break . This time I think I will sit back and if someone is meant to come into my life they will and if I'm meant to be on my own I will be ok on that path also . Sometimes I think I was forcing things with online dating. It is very easy to end up in a relationship if you online date as there are so many on there as well looking for one . I don't want in another year to be back on this forum in as dark a place as I'm trying to come out of now . So I'm going to park online dating for quite a while I think and take a new approach

[Pto29538]

I wonder if I made the right choice going NC. It feels very final now, but I wonder if I had reached out earlier if we would have had a chance to work things out. It's been 6 weeks now and I think it is really over. I saw a picture of him online on a plane where he said "ready to booze" I don't know if he is traveling somewhere fun or deploying somewhere dangerous for months. I worry about him. He avoided overseas deployments for a year because of our relationship, but I knew another would come soon. He had one early on in our relationship and we made it. He warned me that one was likely going to come soon. He was always trying to protect me and it was difficult that there were so many secrets. I was terrified of a future where I wouldn't know where he was going or for how long he would be gone. When I saw him the week after our breakup he told me his travel would be picking up again. I just can't believe I didn't get to see or talk to him again. We had no chance and now we never will. It's like we never meant anything at all. How could he just cut me off without any struggle? Perhaps he is just visiting his ex-gf for the weekend... I don't know. I don't know anything.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience in Europe. I hope you found many things to entertain yourself while you traveled. Your significant other really does become your best friend. In my case like yours, my friends moved. I really connected with my ex's friends so I didn't push myself to find a separate friend group. I work from home so I don't have a lot of other people my age around me. My ex had a huge friend group and we all got along really well so it was a huge plus. I would get invited to his friend's fiance's bridal showers and girlfriend's movie nights. We would double date and entertain with his friends locally and travel to see my friends. I talked to my ex every morning, afternoon, and evening. He was my biggest cheerleader and support system. Now there is this huge void.

 

The worst is waking up and falling asleep alone...

 

That sounds really hard as you seem to have relied on him and his friends for so much in your life so I can see how you are experiencing such a void now . Did you have many friends or interests before you met him ? Could you focus back on those things or the life you had before him ? That is what I am trying to do . Don't beat yourself up about the NC. It was definitely the right thing to do as it gave him space to clear his head rather than chasing him and driving him away . With a clear head he would be much more likely to have got in touch with you and he knew the door was open from your side . It wasn't like you blocked him from talking to you . So stop any regrets or self blame in relation to this

[Pto29538]

You can do it!! Get your tears out and go have some fun. I hope your sister is being understanding. Hang in there!!

 

Thank you . The weekend was actually Ok. We are here at the airport now ready to fly back home . The scenery was beautiful and sunshine and all the great things about holidays but my mind was a lot with my ex and questions and blame came into my head quite often so I can't say I enjoyed it like other holidays but I'm happy I came and happy with myself that I was able to stay reasonably strong through it . I wrote an email of goodbye to my ex as we never got to say goodbye or breakup and I think it is this lack of closure that has me going around in circles in my head . I plan on sending it tomorrow . It's not argumentative nor is it looking for a reply nor is it telling him that I'm missing him . It's really just saying goodbye and acknowledging we had good times but also acknowledging the fact he never actually split up with me has hurt me deeply and left me in a state of limbo not knowing what has went on . It is just for me and something I need to do as it doesn't sit with me just leaving things like this . I'm hoping after sending this and getting it out of me that I will be able to take a step forward and reduce the amount of analysing and thinking I am doing , I know nc is best but I didn't even have a breakup conversation so I feel I deserve the chance to express myself in some way

[mcnugget]

That sounds really hard as you seem to have relied on him and his friends for so much in your life so I can see how you are experiencing such a void now . Did you have many friends or interests before you met him ? Could you focus back on those things or the life you had before him ? That is what I am trying to do . Don't beat yourself up about the NC. It was definitely the right thing to do as it gave him space to clear his head rather than chasing him and driving him away . With a clear head he would be much more likely to have got in touch with you and he knew the door was open from your side . It wasn't like you blocked him from talking to you . So stop any regrets or self blame in relation to this

 

I lived in another state where I had a great career and great friends. I look a different job and moved back home when there were some family health problems. Fortunately, I still had friends back home and I made friends at work. I got my family through the health crisis, but then I had my own crisis and had to take some time off work. During that time all of my friends moved and I was pretty much homebound. I took over a year off from dating. When I decided I was ready to go back to dating I met my ex and we clicked instantly. Everything was pretty much perfect. Unfortunately, it meant that he had very much the upper hand in the relationship. I was financially recovering from taking time off and he was definitely the one with more friends. He was the one traveling so I was always waiting for him. He was the one more recently out of a relationship so he was the one who needed to take things more slowly. He was always doing things for me and adjusting himself to make me feel cared for, but he did have the real upper hand. I think it might be different if we met now. I've lost weight (I wasn't overweight before, but I'm in better shape now) and I have exactly the career I want.

[Pto29538]

I lived in another state where I had a great career and great friends. I look a different job and moved back home when there were some family health problems. Fortunately, I still had friends back home and I made friends at work. I got my family through the health crisis, but then I had my own crisis and had to take some time off work. During that time all of my friends moved and I was pretty much homebound. I took over a year off from dating. When I decided I was ready to go back to dating I met my ex and we clicked instantly. Everything was pretty much perfect. Unfortunately, it meant that he had very much the upper hand in the relationship. I was financially recovering from taking time off and he was definitely the one with more friends. He was the one traveling so I was always waiting for him. He was the one more recently out of a relationship so he was the one who needed to take things more slowly. He was always doing things for me and adjusting himself to make me feel cared for, but he did have the real upper hand. I think it might be different if we met now. I've lost weight (I wasn't overweight before, but I'm in better shape now) and I have exactly the career I want.

 

I understand what you mean now and perhaps it is because he had this upper hand as you describe it that you are taking this so badly . You have lost more than just him if he made up such a part of your life. On a positive side it looks like you overcame many crisis in your life and are in a better place in your life now even if you are still feeling the heart break for him