Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

[Helpmesavethis]

The doctors surgery - that's what we call them in Ireland 😊 It's where you go visit the doctor. He gave me some xanax and said it should help for short term. I took one this evening and am tired and relaxed and watching tv so I'm hoping I sleep ok tonight .

 

Hahaha. Ok. I've been running crazy showing horses, doing a benefit for a friend, camping, etc. So I was like what did i miss. I hope it helps. Ive some a lot of driving this week with lots more to go and I'm alone doing so and those times suck for me but... I'm still holding strong and haven't cried for 2 weeks today!!! Yay me!!! Hope you have a good weekend.

[Pto29538]

Hahaha. Ok. I've been running crazy showing horses, doing a benefit for a friend, camping, etc. So I was like what did i miss. I hope it helps. Ive some a lot of driving this week with lots more to go and I'm alone doing so and those times suck for me but... I'm still holding strong and haven't cried for 2 weeks today!!! Yay me!!! Hope you have a good weekend.

 

2 weeks that's amazing . I've cried a few times every day although I do find it gets the pain out of me so crying is good in my eyes for me anyways . It's great you are keeping so busy . I'm going to try and keep as busy as possible for the weekend. I started the meds. I feel drowsy and groggy with them but am going to give them a go anyways for a month as I know at this stage I need help

[Danix27]

2 weeks that's amazing . I've cried a few times every day although I do find it gets the pain out of me so crying is good in my eyes for me anyways . It's great you are keeping so busy . I'm going to try and keep as busy as possible for the weekend. I started the meds. I feel drowsy and groggy with them but am going to give them a go anyways for a month as I know at this stage I need help

 

i have sat all day reading the thread im just starting nc today my ex has depression and blames me for everything although i supported him all the way . he was my first love 18 years (4 depressed) im not here to say everything will be ok but no matter what good you do its over, there will be someone for you not now, mayby not in 5 years but you have to push through the pain 😘😘 and hugs for you please find peace. NOBODY is worth risking your health for. imagine if you did get back together would anyone forgive him for the pain he has caused?

[Helpmesavethis]

2 weeks that's amazing . I've cried a few times every day although I do find it gets the pain out of me so crying is good in my eyes for me anyways . It's great you are keeping so busy . I'm going to try and keep as busy as possible for the weekend. I started the meds. I feel drowsy and groggy with them but am going to give them a go anyways for a month as I know at this stage I need help

 

So, I was put on something 4 years ago because I got mugged. They made me insanely drowsy so I stopped taking them. Maybe take them at night?

 

I've had a super crazy busy amazing weekend.... I've thought about him but I've had tons of fun without him..............

[Pto29538]

i have sat all day reading the thread im just starting nc today my ex has depression and blames me for everything although i supported him all the way . he was my first love 18 years (4 depressed) im not here to say everything will be ok but no matter what good you do its over, there will be someone for you not now, mayby not in 5 years but you have to push through the pain 😘😘 and hugs for you please find peace. NOBODY is worth risking your health for. imagine if you did get back together would anyone forgive him for the pain he has caused?

 

I'm so sorry to hear your story . 18 years is such a long time . Yes we need to get through the pain . I know in my case I won't be getting back with him so I need not worry about forgiving him for the pain. I think I have got underlying issues with loneliness and self esteem and it has triggered those but I'm a lot better than I was a few weeks ago. All I want is to find peace and a bit of happiness in things again . I hope you are feeling ok

[Pto29538]

So, I was put on something 4 years ago because I got mugged. They made me insanely drowsy so I stopped taking them. Maybe take them at night?

 

I've had a super crazy busy amazing weekend.... I've thought about him but I've had tons of fun without him..............

 

Sounds like you had a great weekend and weren't thinking too much . I've cried a lot less this weekend but I think it is the xanax . Crying was my release so it's a bit weird not being able to do it . I don't want to be on these for too long but even if I got a week or 2 I might be in a better place . I'm also still going to my councellor so that will help as well . Hope you all have a good Monday

[Everlong13]

I had a rough weekend, cried so many times

My mum told me I need to get a grip and that he was clearly a weak man and that I need someone to look after me, not the other way round.

I already feel like I'm losing my mind and am beating myself up for still being such a mess, so this really didn't help.

[Pto29538]

I had a rough weekend, cried so many times

My mum told me I need to get a grip and that he was clearly a weak man and that I need someone to look after me, not the other way round.

I already feel like I'm losing my mind and am beating myself up for still being such a mess, so this really didn't help.

 

Don't beat yourself up . Just because he might have had faults such as being a weak man doesn't take away from the pain or loss you are feeling . You still miss your time with him and you may be grieving for the future you thought you had so it's nothing to do with whether he was a weak man or not although it can be helpful to get over someone if we can focus on their short comings . Everyone takes different times to heal depending on the depth of feeling they had in the relationship, their own esteem and tendancey to be depressed the amount they had invested in their heads in this relationship etc I'm 2 months as well and while I'm a bit better. I'm still quite a mess and cry every day and feel very alone and down . I get hard on myself at times as well but once you realise it takes time and you are not the only one that takes breakups hard then you may be more compassionate with yourself . Rather then be hard on yourself be proud of the things you have done like getting out of bed going to work or meeting a friend etc . Everyone of these things is you being strong and moving forward

[Helpmesavethis]

Sounds like you had a great weekend and weren't thinking too much . I've cried a lot less this weekend but I think it is the xanax . Crying was my release so it's a bit weird not being able to do it . I don't want to be on these for too long but even if I got a week or 2 I might be in a better place . I'm also still going to my councellor so that will help as well . Hope you all have a good Monday

 

I always felt better after a good cry as well. So definitely let it all out. I hope the meds get you over the hump and then it's all downhill from there. You can do it!!!

 

Hope everyone else is doing ok and keeping strong... I still think about mine but less and less and less... And I've made myself stay off his social media and that's probably what's driving me thru most crazy. Ha. I want to go there but I'm not letting myself.

[mcnugget]

It was my best friend's wedding this weekend and going without my ex felt so strange. I missed him the entire time. It was a destination wedding and there were no other singles there. I had originally RSVP'd for both of us, but thing clearly changed. On the morning of the wedding I sent him a funny meme and he responded and sent good wishes for the wedding. Clearly, he still had it marked in his calendar. I asked if he would be up for grabbing a drink and catching up sometime, but he didn't respond. I feel stupid, but also just so sad. Sometimes I feel numb, like I've cried everything out and I can't even talk about it anymore. When I look at our pictures I feel this crazy range of emotions. I don't know what I want to do next.

 

It's been almost 2 months. It's not that I'm not willing to date, but nobody seems to compare. His smile, how safe he made me feel, how comfortable and happy we were together. He was smart, successful, funny, and he made me feel cared for. I just keep rethinking things. I can't believe that after having such an intense and special relationship he could end it so suddenly and with seemingly no regrets or difficulty. Was the entire thing meaningless to him? How could I have been fooled?

[Helpmesavethis]

It was my best friend's wedding this weekend and going without my ex felt so strange. I missed him the entire time. It was a destination wedding and there were no other singles there. I had originally RSVP'd for both of us, but thing clearly changed. On the morning of the wedding I sent him a funny meme and he responded and sent good wishes for the wedding. Clearly, he still had it marked in his calendar. I asked if he would be up for grabbing a drink and catching up sometime, but he didn't respond. I feel stupid, but also just so sad. Sometimes I feel numb, like I've cried everything out and I can't even talk about it anymore. When I look at our pictures I feel this crazy range of emotions. I don't know what I want to do next.

 

It's been almost 2 months. It's not that I'm not willing to date, but nobody seems to compare. His smile, how safe he made me feel, how comfortable and happy we were together. He was smart, successful, funny, and he made me feel cared for. I just keep rethinking things. I can't believe that after having such an intense and special relationship he could end it so suddenly and with seemingly no regrets or difficulty. Was the entire thing meaningless to him? How could I have been fooled?

 

I'm sure the wedding was tough... That was the last time I cried... The day I had to go to a wedding.. maybe his lack of response and you going to NC (likely what you need to do) will help you get over the hump. I know it's hard. It's still hard for me to resist the urge to go to his social media. But I don't want to see if he's all happy with someone else or anything else for that matter. I have been fighting it for the last week or so but I've managed to keep myself off of it I really think NC would help you.. Hang in there... Just give it more time. Stay strong!!

[mcnugget]

I'm sure the wedding was tough... That was the last time I cried... The day I had to go to a wedding.. maybe his lack of response and you going to NC (likely what you need to do) will help you get over the hump. I know it's hard. It's still hard for me to resist the urge to go to his social media. But I don't want to see if he's all happy with someone else or anything else for that matter. I have been fighting it for the last week or so but I've managed to keep myself off of it I really think NC would help you.. Hang in there... Just give it more time. Stay strong!!

 

I've kept mostly NC. I think the last time I had reached out was a couple weeks ago via text. My text then was just small talk about work and family. I haven't called or e-mailed him since our breakup. I've just sent a few texts several weeks apart.

[Pto29538]

It was my best friend's wedding this weekend and going without my ex felt so strange. I missed him the entire time. It was a destination wedding and there were no other singles there. I had originally RSVP'd for both of us, but thing clearly changed. On the morning of the wedding I sent him a funny meme and he responded and sent good wishes for the wedding. Clearly, he still had it marked in his calendar. I asked if he would be up for grabbing a drink and catching up sometime, but he didn't respond. I feel stupid, but also just so sad. Sometimes I feel numb, like I've cried everything out and I can't even talk about it anymore. When I look at our pictures I feel this crazy range of emotions. I don't know what I want to do next.

 

It's been almost 2 months. It's not that I'm not willing to date, but nobody seems to compare. His smile, how safe he made me feel, how comfortable and happy we were together. He was smart, successful, funny, and he made me feel cared for. I just keep rethinking things. I can't believe that after having such an intense and special relationship he could end it so suddenly and with seemingly no regrets or difficulty. Was the entire thing meaningless to him? How could I have been fooled?

 

Well done on getting through that wedding . That must have been really Difficult. I'm sure the relationship wasn't meaningless to him or that he was fooling you . However for whatever reason he didn't want to continue it on . Him ignoring your message now isn't that he doesn't care. He probably thinks it's pointless and hurtful meeting up if you do not intend getting back together. He probably is one of those men that prefers a clean break which is probably better for us in the long run . It's natural to rethink every thing but please don't blame yourself or look at the what ifs . Anything could have been worked through if both of you wanted to do that . However one person on their own changing or doing or saying anything different couldn't have made it work . Healing takes time and be proud that you got through that wedding . And don't wworrying about the dating thing . While you might not find a man as successful or funny etc , However we might meet one that truly has the capacity to commit to us and want to stay , As with my relationship as perfect and all as the guys seemed the fact they bolted means that underlying they had other stuff going on even if not visible in the relationship, stay strong and take one day at a time

[Helpmesavethis]

I've kept mostly NC. I think the last time I had reached out was a couple weeks ago via text. My text then was just small talk about work and family. I haven't called or e-mailed him since our breakup. I've just sent a few texts several weeks apart.

 

Not the same.... You need to go full NC... Talking to them here and there only gives us false hope.... (At least to me it would) because they're talking to us, no matter what the subject... .... If you think he's done done... And want to get over this and move on with your life... Then go NC. I'm proof it works. It sucks, I know - but it's what it takes to help yourself heal... You can do it. You've got to get yourself over the hump and it gets so much better from there.

 

And I didn't touch on the dating before.. I have no desire to date either... If someone comes along, great, if not, that's fine too. Don't force yourself to go on dates but do force yourself to get yourself out and about and get over this guy!!!!

[mcnugget]

Not the same.... You need to go full NC... Talking to them here and there only gives us false hope.... (At least to me it would) because they're talking to us, no matter what the subject... .... If you think he's done done... And want to get over this and move on with your life... Then go NC. I'm proof it works. It sucks, I know - but it's what it takes to help yourself heal... You can do it. You've got to get yourself over the hump and it gets so much better from there.

 

And I didn't touch on the dating before.. I have no desire to date either... If someone comes along, great, if not, that's fine too. Don't force yourself to go on dates but do force yourself to get yourself out and about and get over this guy!!!!

 

I just miss him so much. I know it's pathetic, but I just want to see him again and convince him to give us another chance. I miss being happy. I don't want to move on. I just want him. The immediate pain and sadness has faded considerably, but I still have these feelings. At night I just think of how happy we were right up until we broke up. That last month was a bit of a mess, but even then we were still cuddling, laughing, feeding each other, talking constantly, etc. How do I bring him back now that he has shut down? I really don't want to be without him.

[Pto29538]

I just miss him so much. I know it's pathetic, but I just want to see him again and convince him to give us another chance. I miss being happy. I don't want to move on. I just want him. The immediate pain and sadness has faded considerably, but I still have these feelings. At night I just think of how happy we were right up until we broke up. That last month was a bit of a mess, but even then we were still cuddling, laughing, feeding each other, talking constantly, etc. How do I bring him back now that he has shut down? I really don't want to be without him.

 

One of the hardest part of the breaking up process can be accceptamce especially as your breakup seems to have came as a shock to you so you probably are taking time to process it . There are very few if any on this forum that wanted their breakup to happen . We all felt like you at one stage . I agree with help me on the no contact . While you send jokes or light hearted texts he will probably continue to respond and that only keeps you stuck . I can't give you the answer on how to get him back as if I knew the answer I would have applied it to myself . I took a long time to accept mine was over and it was by him ignoring my texts that gave me the kick I needed to grieve properly and know there is no going back . For the moment you don't even need to focus on moving forward just focus on trying to accept the reality of the situation you are in . who knows what the future holds but we need to accept what we have to deal with now even if it makes no sense to us and even if this was the last thing we expected

[derroax]

Totally relate to being ghosted.

I recently bought the book “TED, the empowerment dynamic”.

I found it very useful in terms of reclaiming your power.

 

You have to realise that this person doesn’t have any power over you -it’s just you giving them your power and making them responsible for you. But not everyone uses that power in a healthy way - not that it’s ever safe to give your power away, for safety reasons!

 

You are responsible for your own happiness.

 

Life sends you exactly the experiences you need for the evolution of your consciousness.

 

These are the things that resonate with me, together with a bit of mindfulness and looking after our inner child - I feel that so many of our fears and anxieties are linked to our childhood.

 

[Thainara]

It was my best friend's wedding this weekend and going without my ex felt so strange. I missed him the entire time. It was a destination wedding and there were no other singles there. I had originally RSVP'd for both of us, but thing clearly changed. On the morning of the wedding I sent him a funny meme and he responded and sent good wishes for the wedding. Clearly, he still had it marked in his calendar. I asked if he would be up for grabbing a drink and catching up sometime, but he didn't respond. I feel stupid, but also just so sad. Sometimes I feel numb, like I've cried everything out and I can't even talk about it anymore. When I look at our pictures I feel this crazy range of emotions. I don't know what I want to do next.

 

It's been almost 2 months. It's not that I'm not willing to date, but nobody seems to compare. His smile, how safe he made me feel, how comfortable and happy we were together. He was smart, successful, funny, and he made me feel cared for. I just keep rethinking things. I can't believe that after having such an intense and special relationship he could end it so suddenly and with seemingly no regrets or difficulty. Was the entire thing meaningless to him? How could I have been fooled?

 

 

You do need to go NC, otherwise you'll never start healing. We have a stupid hope that if we say this or that they will react but there's ONLY ONE TRUTH: if they loved us they'd chase us in hell! I don't want to be harsh but IF you want to get over him, you need to go NC, block him everywhere and just give it a finality in your head. Sending memes, hi's, hello's, whatever will just keeping bleeding your wounds... chose yourself please!

[Helpmesavethis]

You do need to go NC, otherwise you'll never start healing. We have a stupid hope that if we say this or that they will react but there's ONLY ONE TRUTH: if they loved us they'd chase us in hell! I don't want to be harsh but IF you want to get over him, you need to go NC, block him everywhere and just give it a finality in your head. Sending memes, hi's, hello's, whatever will just keeping bleeding your wounds... chose yourself please!

 

She doesn't want to get over him... She needs to learn to accept that this relationship is over. All you're doing is torturing yourself. As Thianara said, if he wanted to be with you, nothing would stop him from being... He knows you want him back, correct? That's all you need to leave it at. If he wants to come back, he will. Stop losing face by begging and pleading etc.

[Pto29538]

I just miss him so much. I know it's pathetic, but I just want to see him again and convince him to give us another chance. I miss being happy. I don't want to move on. I just want him. The immediate pain and sadness has faded considerably, but I still have these feelings. At night I just think of how happy we were right up until we broke up. That last month was a bit of a mess, but even then we were still cuddling, laughing, feeding each other, talking constantly, etc. How do I bring him back now that he has shut down? I really don't want to be without him.

 

I think everyone takes a different amount of time to reach the acceptance stage so this is just taking longer for you . It's not about whether he loves you or not . He may still care deeply for you but at this point in time he has mad it clear that he isn't able or doesn't want to continue the relationship. That might be particularly hard as everything was going so well right up to the end so perhaps he just panicked as he wasn't capable of going emotionally deeper or fears of committing etc came up . We will never know what happened in his head as humans are complex beings . It's not just about loving someone or not . I know you look back on it as the perfect relationship and that makes it harder to accept it is over . However he was so perfect a guy he would have stayed and discussed what was going on in his head and tried to work through it with you . Would you really want a relationship with someone who keeps their fears in their head and you would always be wondering if they were thinking in the background . That is what I focus on when I think back on my relationship as similar to yours right until the end it was very good . But clearly my ex had a lot going on in his head as well. I agree with the no contact but again you need to be ready to do this . I would think definitely no hi's and jokes and things like that as he will keep replying to those . I do understand that the wedding was a hard day for you so I probably would have contacted him as well but in the end he knows where you are and that you would be interested in meeting . There is no more you can do only try and protect your heart . Sometimes I think by clinging onto my ex in my head and staying in touch with them I still have them with me whereas in reality I only have them in my head . The relationship no longer exists . Don't be hard on yourself as everyone goes through breakups at a different pace . Eventually some small part of you will start accepting this and start wanting to move on bit by bit .

[Helpmesavethis]

Hey all! Checking in on everyone. We've been quiet for a few days. I'm still hanging strong and am overly busy with life. Ha. Happy Tuesday!!

[Pto29538]

I’m doing well . Today is the first day since the end of August that I haven’t cried so it’s actually a big day for me . I’m exhausted and tired though. I think all the running and racing and trying to fill my life up with things so I was never on my own has taken its toll. I need to relax a bit and be ok when th evenings on my own again and even if I’m sad that’s all part of the healing as well . I stopped taking the tablets as I couldn’t cry with them and all the anxiety and emotion was building up inside me and waking me in the middle of the night so I’ve decided it’s best to deal with whatever emotions come as they are coming up for healing . I’m definitely on the right path though . Not looking forward to the xmas season starting up as it’s going to bring a lot of memories from last year but I’m not going to worry about that yet and hopefully I will be more strong by then as well

[Helpmesavethis]

I’m doing well . Today is the first day since the end of August that I haven’t cried so it’s actually a big day for me . I’m exhausted and tired though. I think all the running and racing and trying to fill my life up with things so I was never on my own has taken its toll. I need to relax a bit and be ok when th evenings on my own again and even if I’m sad that’s all part of the healing as well . I stopped taking the tablets as I couldn’t cry with them and all the anxiety and emotion was building up inside me and waking me in the middle of the night so I’ve decided it’s best to deal with whatever emotions come as they are coming up for healing . I’m definitely on the right path though . Not looking forward to the xmas season starting up as it’s going to bring a lot of memories from last year but I’m not going to worry about that yet and hopefully I will be more strong by then as well

 

Glad to hear you're doing well. Keep pushing forward. Lonely times do suck... I have my daughter most of the time so I don't have a lot of alone time but I know when I do are usually my lowest moments. But it's getting better and better for me. We'll get thru it!!

[Helpmesavethis]

Hey all! Just wanted to check in. I haven't been on here in a few weeks. I'm doing well. Preparing for the holiday's. Hope everyone else is as well.

[Thainara]

Hi, everyone. Finally I'm in Brazil. Having a great time with family and friends. Definitely getting stronger. I would love to hear from everyone. 😘