Heartbroken.. Seeking advice to help me move on?

[Helpmesavethis]

What do you guys think about this; if you stalk your ex on social media/looking at photos etc. is this the same as breaking NC?

 

I think it makes it harder to keep pushing forward. I was going to my ex's a zillion times a day like a crazy person.. then I unfriended him and was still checking hourly at least... Even though his pages are all private.. I eventually told myself this nonsense had to stop. Each time I would go to something of his, I'd get weak and cry or whatever. I have plenty of urges but I have managed to hold them off and it's getting easier... Now I find myself avoiding anything he may be tagged in or comment on... Just so I don't see his name even... I wanted to check yesterday but I fought thru it and won. I just kept telling myself that it only hurts me more and takes me a step back instead of forward... Keep pushing... Block them if if you have to...

[Helpmesavethis]

That's very positive and you are right that talking about it is thinking about it . At times I just find it hard to change the record . I know my friends are probably getting sick of me . I've got the breakup diet as well but I didn't need to loose weight so I think I just look old and wrecked . Really need to get back to looking after ourselves properly...

 

It's not easy and at times I want to talk about it but then I'm like no, why get myself upset/depressed or whatever when I'm out trying to have a good time... So I try to switch my focus.. does it always work, nope, but it's getting better and when it does work... Yay for me...

[jchilds24861]

How is everyone this morning! I hope everyone has a great start to their day! I woke up in a much more positive mood this morning. Stay strong everyone!

[Helpmesavethis]

How is everyone this morning! I hope everyone has a great start to their day! I woke up in a much more positive mood this morning. Stay strong everyone!

 

I'm good so far but so many things keep popping up that remind me of him so that drives me nuts... Ha. I know I've made strides in the last 5 weeks and I know it will continue to get better.... just keep swimming...

[jchilds24861]

I'm good so far but so many things keep popping up that remind me of him so that drives me nuts... Ha. I know I've made strides in the last 5 weeks and I know it will continue to get better.... just keep swimming...

 

Good to hear! May I ask what is popping up to remind you of your ex? Sounds like you are doing a great job at keeping the focus forward. Keep your head up!

[Helpmesavethis]

Good to hear! May I ask what is popping up to remind you of your ex? Sounds like you are doing a great job at keeping the focus forward. Keep your head up!

 

It's little things... events, sayings, people with the same name... I guess stuff I didn't notice or pay attention to as much before and am now... I'm trying to make myself stay off of social media as much as I can....

[jchilds24861]

It's little things... events, sayings, people with the same name... I guess stuff I didn't notice or pay attention to as much before and am now... I'm trying to make myself stay off of social media as much as I can....

 

That makes two us. It's been about 3 to 4 days since I last checked her Instagram. Curiosity is a tough action to deal with.

 

Helpmesave .. Do you think I should reach out to her when she comes back from this trip? It's a daily struggle between my mind and heart.

[Helpmesavethis]

That makes two us. It's been about 3 to 4 days since I last checked her Instagram. Curiosity is a tough action to deal with.

 

Helpmesave .. Do you think I should reach out to her when she comes back from this trip? It's a daily struggle between my mind and heart.

 

I haven't been on anything of his in over a week and it's helping but making me crazy at the same time. If that's even possible. Haha

No, I don't think you should reach out to her... I think she knows how you feel and what you want and the ball is now in her court... I think any type of contact will only hurt you more and make you look weak in her eyes... Just my opinion but if you think it'll make you feel better, especially if she gives you something to help you move on, then by all means contact her but... I wouldn't..

[Helpmesavethis]

I haven't been on anything of his in over a week and it's helping but making me crazy at the same time. If that's even possible. Haha

No, I don't think you should reach out to her... I think she knows how you feel and what you want and the ball is now in her court... I think any type of contact will only hurt you more and make you look weak in her eyes... Just my opinion but if you think it'll make you feel better, especially if she gives you something to help you move on, then by all means contact her but... I wouldn't..

 

And we'll support and help you thru whatever it is you decide to do.... And you never know... Maybe once she's back, she'll be the one contacting you...

[Pto29538]

It's little things... events, sayings, people with the same name... I guess stuff I didn't notice or pay attention to as much before and am now... I'm trying to make myself stay off of social media as much as I can....

 

People with the same car as his driving past me . Any plane in the sky- he was a pilot. The beer he used to drink in the store. Something random I hear on the radio ... It's crazy . I'm hoping this changes

[Pto29538]

That makes two us. It's been about 3 to 4 days since I last checked her Instagram. Curiosity is a tough action to deal with.

 

Helpmesave .. Do you think I should reach out to her when she comes back from this trip? It's a daily struggle between my mind and heart.

 

I don't know your full story but the best way to know whether you should contact her is to imagine you do reach out . Consider all of the possibilities including her ignoring you. Are you able to deal with all of these possibilities and will any of them slow down your healing or cause you even more pain. Sometimes even if they cause you more pain it might be what you need to propel yourself forward on your journey of healing . I've broken NC with exes before and by then ignoring me or showing their clear disinterest in reconciling with me it was actually what I needed to Accept I needed to move on ...

[Helpmesavethis]

People with the same car as his driving past me . Any plane in the sky- he was a pilot. The beer he used to drink in the store. Something random I hear on the radio ... It's crazy . I'm hoping this changes

 

You and me both... Ugh... It WILL get better!!!!

[Pto29538]

Went out for my first walk after work this evening for an hour . There is the first bit of exercise I had the energy to do in weeks . Feel better after it and that is definitely progress as my energy and motivation levels were at an all time low....

[Helpmesavethis]

Went out for my first walk after work this evening for an hour . There is the first bit of exercise I had the energy to do in weeks . Feel better after it and that is definitely progress as my energy and motivation levels were at an all time low....

 

That's great!! Baby steps!! Keep it up!! Plan to do it again tomorrow...

 

I have spur of the moment bought another horse... Ha. I'm going to pick it up this weekend... Yikes!! But she'll help occupy my time!! Ha

[Pto29538]

That's great!! Baby steps!! Keep it up!! Plan to do it again tomorrow...

 

I have spur of the moment bought another horse... Ha. I'm going to pick it up this weekend... Yikes!! But she'll help occupy my time!! Ha

 

Oh wow that is fantastic . That horse will bring you such joy for years . I love animals and the love you get from them is unconditional. You may not have done it if you were still with your ex . Every cloud has a silver lining and that is definitely one . I booked a trip to see Israel with a friend next Easter as well . At the moment I've no interest in even going . She booked it for us but I know again it is something I would never have done if stil with my ex and it may be a trip of a lifetime .

[Helpmesavethis]

Oh wow that is fantastic . That horse will bring you such joy for years . I love animals and the love you get from them is unconditional. You may not have done it if you were still with your ex . Every cloud has a silver lining and that is definitely one . I booked a trip to see Israel with a friend next Easter as well . At the moment I've no interest in even going . She booked it for us but I know again it is something I would never have done if stil with my ex and it may be a trip of a lifetime .

 

I live on a farm and have/show horses. I just sold one Sunday and bought this one today.. but you're right, I likely wouldn't have sold the one if I were still with him and definitely wouldn't be driving to get this new one.. Ha

 

I'm sure by the time the trip comes around you'll be excited. Definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

[Thainara]

Sounds like the anti depressants are working for you. They are good if you need them . I don't think I will go to doctor as I don't want to take drugs myself and it can take quite a while for them to work sometimes . If things continue like this I may change my mind . I agree that it's normal to get over someone and that's it . We are no longer sad . In all my previous relationships that's how I was after the breakup . I got over them eventually. The only reason I fear this one could be different is because he left very suddenly . He became very fearful of moving on and almost disappeared after what was up until til then a good relationship. Had been through a bad divorce before ;etc . Up until this he was kind caring respectful etc he always said he wished we met when we were younger and we regularly said how lucky we were to have met now. I always thought his feelings for me were even deeper than mine for him . I had partners before who didn't treat me well and there was a lot of issues and this always helped my healing process but because in this case I didn't have the phase of arguing or things not going right etc I still look at him as been an ideal partner. I can't see how I will ever look back at this one and think it was for the best . Whereas with all my other exes as deep as it hurt I knew at the back of my mind it was for the best . I had done a lot of personal work on myself not to attract the same type of partner who wouldn't prioritise me etc so this time I had opted for a more mature caring person who had treated me with respect . In the end it's the same outcome except harder to get over than if he was immature and selfish and disrespectful of me like the others were .

 

 

It's funny how similar our stories are. Sometimes I think we were dating the same guy Lol. Mine too treated me like a princess, the was the one who started talking about me moving to his city and getting marriage... he texted me the whole day and if I take a little longer to reply, he said he started getting anxious. After our "magical" trip to Hawaii, when he left me at the airport, he started calling me like a maniac and when I called him back he said he was having separation anxiety and thought I would never talk to him again. He also was going through a hard divorce and got traumatized with his marriage. Then he started having second thoughts and in two weeks we were done. He said he was too afraid of getting in another relationship and he needed to heal first. I also thought he loved me more than I loved him... I just went to a psychiatrist because I as having panic attacks too often. I feel much better now although I'm still weak. But I will not love him forever. He doesn't deserve it anyway. He's not a little boy anymore and if he was not ready, he should't have chased me. He knew about my past and how hurt I had been. He saw I was being true to him. So he was at least irresponsible, not to say that consciously or unconsciously he could be throwing on me all the hurt and crap he's got from his previous marriage. So screw him! There's no excuse to play with one's heart like this. I don't feel like talking to him or checking his social media. I broke NC last week when I was still feeling very said and today I regret it. Yesterday I cried very bad, actually I screamed when I cried but it was not for him. It was for myself... I went back and saw how many times I went through this and I felt very sad. Will I ever choose someone normal to be my partner? Will I ever have someone who really loves me and take me as I am? I don't have this answer right now.

[jchilds24861]

I haven't been on anything of his in over a week and it's helping but making me crazy at the same time. If that's even possible. Haha

No, I don't think you should reach out to her... I think she knows how you feel and what you want and the ball is now in her court... I think any type of contact will only hurt you more and make you look weak in her eyes... Just my opinion but if you think it'll make you feel better, especially if she gives you something to help you move on, then by all means contact her but... I wouldn't..

 

Understandable.. And honestly I have felt emotionally the same. I guess it all boils down to if and how I contacted her. What's my thought process behind it, am I looking for unsaid ulterior motives.

 

To your point about the ball being in her court I can also agree on that. The "end" was pretty rocky. Even that can be somewhat bias though.. Everyone's opinion of a "bad" BU can differ. Some harsh/bitter words were exchanged, I may have made it more difficult for her by returning most of her furniture instead of just buying them from her like we had originally discussed. Granted she sold them to fund her trip. Then again I did go out of my way to pack her belongings and drop them off to her parents.

 

Eh.. Story could go on.. No need to ramble I guess.

[Helpmesavethis]

Understandable.. And honestly I have felt emotionally the same. I guess it all boils down to if and how I contacted her. What's my thought process behind it, am I looking for unsaid ulterior motives.

 

To your point about the ball being in her court I can also agree on that. The "end" was pretty rocky. Even that can be somewhat bias though.. Everyone's opinion of a "bad" BU can differ. Some harsh/bitter words were exchanged, I may have made it more difficult for her by returning most of her furniture instead of just buying them from her like we had originally discussed. Granted she sold them to fund her trip. Then again I did go out of my way to pack her belongings and drop them off to her parents.

 

Eh.. Story could go on.. No need to ramble I guess.

 

I think you did ok returning her furniture etc.... So maybe an apology for how things ended would be nice.... But not necessary.. I guess it depends on how you think she'll react and what you want out of it...

 

We all could go on and on and on about our relationships by it doesn't change anything that happened. All we can do is work to move past it and be better in the future.

[Pto29538]

It's funny how similar our stories are. Sometimes I think we were dating the same guy Lol. Mine too treated me like a princess, the was the one who started talking about me moving to his city and getting marriage... he texted me the whole day and if I take a little longer to reply, he said he started getting anxious. After our "magical" trip to Hawaii, when he left me at the airport, he started calling me like a maniac and when I called him back he said he was having separation anxiety and thought I would never talk to him again. He also was going through a hard divorce and got traumatized with his marriage. Then he started having second thoughts and in two weeks we were done. He said he was too afraid of getting in another relationship and he needed to heal first. I also thought he loved me more than I loved him... I just went to a psychiatrist because I as having panic attacks too often. I feel much better now although I'm still weak. But I will not love him forever. He doesn't deserve it anyway. He's not a little boy anymore and if he was not ready, he should't have chased me. He knew about my past and how hurt I had been. He saw I was being true to him. So he was at least irresponsible, not to say that consciously or unconsciously he could be throwing on me all the hurt and crap he's got from his previous marriage. So screw him! There's no excuse to play with one's heart like this. I don't feel like talking to him or checking his social media. I broke NC last week when I was still feeling very said and today I regret it. Yesterday I cried very bad, actually I screamed when I cried but it was not for him. It was for myself... I went back and saw how many times I went through this and I felt very sad. Will I ever choose someone normal to be my partner? Will I ever have someone who really loves me and take me as I am? I don't have this answer right now.

 

I think you are hard on yourself saying will you ever choose someone normal to be your partner . If this person treated you so well then you had no way of knowing he had these underlying issues . If he said he was over his divorce then you had no reason not to take him at his word . So you are not to blame . And he probably is a normal person just doesn't have the ability to deal with his fear in a healthy way and communicate with you . So this in my eyes isn't anything about the choice you made . It's more down to what is going on with him. This is my case anyways where I did not have any red flags . So I blame myself for a lot but choosing him isn't one of the things I would blame myself for

[mcnugget]

I texted one of my ex's close friends today to wish her happy birthday. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was well, but still missing the ex. She said he was flawed and I would find someone better. When things were first happening she was very shocked at our breakup and thought we would work things out. She did not have any of that encouragement left. It sounded like she maybe knew things that I didn't. I know that everyone says I must move on, but I still just can't stop thinking about getting back together. As desperate as it is, I would do pretty much anything to get him back. He won't even speak to me.

[Helpmesavethis]

I texted one of my ex's close friends today to wish her happy birthday. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was well, but still missing the ex. She said he was flawed and I would find someone better. When things were first happening she was very shocked at our breakup and thought we would work things out. She did not have any of that encouragement left. It sounded like she maybe knew things that I didn't. I know that everyone says I must move on, but I still just can't stop thinking about getting back together. As desperate as it is, I would do pretty much anything to get him back. He won't even speak to me.

 

How long are you at NC now? It's 5 weeks today since I've spoken with him... I still want him, I miss him, I think of him constantly but... It's so much better than it was even just a week ago... It gets better with time. It still hurts but I know how far I've come in the last 5 weeks and I know if i keep pushing forward it'll get even better with more time. Point being, you'll get there (here) too, unfortunately it just takes time... Don't forget your own worth... Don't be so desperate to do anything to get him back... Focus on yourself and being the best you, you can be. You can and will get thru it.

[mcnugget]

How long are you at NC now? It's 5 weeks today since I've spoken with him... I still want him, I miss him, I think of him constantly but... It's so much better than it was even just a week ago... It gets better with time. It still hurts but I know how far I've come in the last 5 weeks and I know if i keep pushing forward it'll get even better with more time. Point being, you'll get there (here) too, unfortunately it just takes time... Don't forget your own worth... Don't be so desperate to do anything to get him back... Focus on yourself and being the best you, you can be. You can and will get thru it.

 

We've been pretty much NC since we broke up 3.5 weeks ago. Broke contact a week later to exchange keys. I haven't heard from him since and didn't contact him until this past weekend when I sent him a text that said "I hope you're well. I miss you." He didn't respond. He is a very closed off person. He makes his mind up and shuts down. He'll go a year without talking to his parents over a stupid fight. He's decided this is best and now I don't know how to get through to him. I just feel like I messed everything up.

 

I wrote this long letter, but I'll probably never send it. He likely wouldn't even read it.

[Helpmesavethis]

We've been pretty much NC since we broke up 3.5 weeks ago. Broke contact a week later to exchange keys. I haven't heard from him since and didn't contact him until this past weekend when I sent him a text that said "I hope you're well. I miss you." He didn't respond. He is a very closed off person. He makes his mind up and shuts down. He'll go a year without talking to his parents over a stupid fight. He's decided this is best and now I don't know how to get through to him. I just feel like I messed everything up.

 

I wrote this long letter, but I'll probably never send it. He likely wouldn't even read it.

 

He sounds like my guy... He doesn't speak to a lot of his family for dumb reasons... Shuts down and is done.... And I know this but after being ignored when I broke NC almost 3 weeks ago has helped me. You just have to sit yourself down and tell yourself to accept it. You're better than this. You deserve someone who isn't going to put you thru this pain etc... I just keep telling myself these things over and over and eventually I'll believe it... Because it is all true... You have to set your mind to it though and push thru...

[Pto29538]

I texted one of my ex's close friends today to wish her happy birthday. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was well, but still missing the ex. She said he was flawed and I would find someone better. When things were first happening she was very shocked at our breakup and thought we would work things out. She did not have any of that encouragement left. It sounded like she maybe knew things that I didn't. I know that everyone says I must move on, but I still just can't stop thinking about getting back together. As desperate as it is, I would do pretty much anything to get him back. He won't even speak to me.

 

He sound like he is emotionally unavailable and was able to shut down and detach very quickly . We think we can do something to convince them to come back but realistically they have to come to that decision themselves . I know how hard that is though as I struggle with it every day. Doing anything desperate is the last way he will come back and trying to convince them will only push them further away