Seojun Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Hi. I've (Adam) been dating my girlfriend (Susie) for about 4 years. We've had ups and downs in the relationship, but for the last few months things have been well. Have even discussed marriage and those sorts of things. Here's my problem. Since Spring of last year, I got a message from an old friend (Lisa), who was reaching out because of some issues in her relationship she was having. It was actually all fine and what not, and I was transparent with Susie that I was talking with her. However, over a couple months time, we started talking more and more about intimate things. I stopped telling Susie that I was talking with Lisa, and I found myself disclosing to Lisa personal relationship mishaps I was having with Susie. Also at this time, me and Susie looked like our relationship was in dire straits and a break up looked to be imminent. However, after a month or so, Susie and I persevered and we continued dating. But Lisa and I did not stop talking. Sometimes there would be periods where we wouldn't talk for a month or so, but sometimes we would have bouts where we talked about personal things for a few days. Often I've noticed, that when I don't feel emotionally satisfied by Susie, I would turn to Lisa who seemed to satisfy my emotional needs. It started to devolve into winky faces and flirting. This was wrong and messed up, I know that. And I know I've done bad things. You don't have to tell me twice. In total, the deceit stuff has continued with Lisa for about just over a year. I've hid my messages and have not brought it up to Susie. To some extent, it's *still* happening because I've done it so much I've gotten used to it. It's like I've already messed up everything so much, it doesn't matter anymore at this point. Note that I have not physically cheated. I *want* to tell Susie the truth and lay it all out. But, I'm afraid I will break her. Or she will turn to maybe suicidal things. She doesn't have a lot of support in her life and considers me the person she can rely on the most. She also has been cheated on before yet 100% trusts me and never checks my phone or has any suspicions (which makes it all the worse). She also had been suicidal in the distant past. I feel like I would crush her regardless of what happens to our relationship. Part of me thinks that If she's capable of suicide, then I can't tell her what has happened. But at the same time, I feel like a deceitful person all the time. As far as what I want, I wonder why I did all this emotional cheating. I've never done this before in any previous relationship, and it makes me think that maybe something is missing from Susie and I's relationship. Perhaps it's something we needed to talk about more before I went off to rely on Lisa. I don't really know at this point. I just want to clear my conscience, but without destroying Susie. How do I do this? Tldr: I've emotionally cheated on my long term girlfriend, who isn't very stable. I don't know how to tell her the truth without completely destroying her.... Link to comment
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