I Want Her So Badly

[sjb6050]

Hey gang

 

I just began working at a new job within the last 3 weeks and needless to say the culture is great/a little insane at times. Very raunchy office but also motivating and fun. I met a girl I was very into within 2 weeks of working there and she was showing me major signs of attraction along the way (touching me unnecessarily, saying everything i said was funny, sexual innuendos, etc...)

 

Took her on a drinks and dinner date last week and then back to my place where we talked further, had drinks and sex (was amazing) She raved about the experience and said that the way I made love to her "Changed her outlook on sex because of how passionate it was" Otherwise, our date was amazing, lots of things in common, conversation flowed easily, no real awkward moments, total beautiful connection. It has lead me to internally become enamored with her but I would never show it. I am taking things casually and am a Corey Wayne disciple so I am being patient.

 

When at work a couple days after our date people indicated how "she can be sometimes" and that other people in the office have maybe slept with her before. My internal reaction was kind of a punch in the gut although I know it isn't any kind of commentary on myself nor something she ISNT allowed to do. I guess I am just afraid of getting really hung up on this woman as she checks most of my boxes. She even was talking about future things we could do together and tested me multiple times with relationship type ideas.

 

Again, I've played it 100% cool since then, waited for 2 days until she reached out to me about something and took the opportunity to make a 2nd date to which she accepted and seems excited about, I am afraid of creating a self fulfilling prophecy psyching myself out about her potentially sleeping with other guys while with me even though we did seem to have a unique connection that she even acknowledged multiple times. She said she told me things she doesn't tell many people and loves that she doesn't feel judged around me. Plus I haven't been all "friendy" with her. I know how good of a man I am and eventually I feel like I want a relationship with this woman (it would only be initiated by her) but I'm trying to remain calm.

 

How do you guys deal with this typically? Pretty sure I'm strong enough to do so but have down moments. Thanks

[stuka80]

i can smell trouble with this type of girl a mile away and i believe it 100% about the rumors that shes slept with other guys at work before.

 

women like that personally arent my type so what can i tell ya? you seem to want to be in a relationship with her. being chill and aloof would definitely keep her around but you seem to be emotionally attached already right from the get go so how long can you keep being nonchallant about this whole thing?

 

how serious is this job of yours? if things go south you might have full blown soap opera style drama at work. keep those things in mind.

[boltnrun]

She probably told those other guys the same things she told you.

 

Sorry. But people who are fast and loose with that kind of talk are usually not using it on just one person.

 

I'm sure you're a great guy, but what she does has no reflection on you or how good a person you are.

[figureitout23]

I wouldn't be so quick to brand her because of rumors. And I think its backwards to now think negatively because *GASP* shes sexually active. Talk to her, don't base your feelings on what other people whisper about her. Keep in mind, you slept with her just as quickly as she slept with you.

 

You do seem way too invested this quick though.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with the others.

 

What's the rush here? You just got to this new job. Why not take some time to access the situation and to observe this woman further before complicating things with a date and sex?

 

I think it's pretty obvious she's not relationship material already. Red flags all over the place.

 

You can cool things off by not jumping in bed with her again. Slow it down. Take her ego boosting nonsense with a grain of salt - she doesn't even know you yet. It's NOT a good sign if a woman is spinning all these things out of her mouth after one date and one roll in the hay.

 

This is what my friend calls 'low hanging fruit'.

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't be so quick to brand her because of rumors. And I think its backwards to now think negatively because *GASP* shes sexually active. Talk to her, don't base your feelings on what other people whisper about her. Keep in mind, you slept with her just as quickly as she slept with you.

 

You do seem way too invested this quick though.

 

Yeah, I totally don't even care about the sex thing. For me it's more the fancy talk, which, when someone pulls that on me, makes me wonder "yeah, how many others have you used those lines on?"

 

Funny but true story, my former boss proposed marriage to a woman when she followed him to his car after an event and gave him oral sex. Shockingly, that marriage didn't last.

 

Try not to mistake your excitement over this woman for "love".

[sjb6050]

Yeah, I totally don't even care about the sex thing. For me it's more the fancy talk, which, when someone pulls that on me, makes me wonder "yeah, how many others have you used those lines on?"

 

Funny but true story, my former boss proposed marriage to a woman when she followed him to his car after an event and gave him oral sex. Shockingly, that marriage didn't last.

 

Try not to mistake your excitement over this woman for "love".

 

Appreciate the feedback from everyone. I know too well not to take something like this too seriously it just seems like we have really clicked so far and have a lot in common. I'm definitely going to continue setting dates with her and see where it goes and try not to get hung up on anything else. For some context she has been married in the past and has tremendous amounts of life experience. Also has a son. I get the feeling she is just having fun now after the marriage has ended. I'm not branding her a by any stretch of the imagination but I will definitely try to not get hung up on her. I've been tricked by that before

[sjb6050]

I wouldn't be so quick to brand her because of rumors. And I think its backwards to now think negatively because *GASP* shes sexually active. Talk to her, don't base your feelings on what other people whisper about her. Keep in mind, you slept with her just as quickly as she slept with you.

 

You do seem way too invested this quick though.

 

I tend to agree with you. I will not talk to her about being with other men now because one weekend to dating and acting like I want to be exclusive is definitely not appropriate. I do agree with pretty much all that you said and what I need to mentally cool it.

[sjb6050]

I agree with the others.

 

What's the rush here? You just got to this new job. Why not take some time to access the situation and to observe this woman further before complicating things with a date and sex?

 

I think it's pretty obvious she's not relationship material already. Red flags all over the place.

 

You can cool things off by not jumping in bed with her again. Slow it down. Take her ego boosting nonsense with a grain of salt - she doesn't even know you yet. It's NOT a good sign if a woman is spinning all these things out of her mouth after one date and one roll in the hay.

 

This is what my friend calls 'low hanging fruit'.

While I do understand your point about moving too fast I don't know that there are necessarily red flags all over the place here. I think a lot of people have had times in their life where they dated around a lot like this. I'm a confident enough guy and truly believe that anybody else that she had been involved with in anyway is not up to par with the man that I am. I do carry myself differently than most guys and I think she has been used to garbage most of her life. I'm not trying to act like some Savior or anything because frankly I've been through that before but she just seemed to really like me.

[sjb6050]

Things have happened since this initial hook up. I've been doing the aloof let her reach out to me routine and have to admit that subconsciously I've probably been acting in a way that shows I've heard about her behavior. Not contacting her so much, sending sexual innuendo texts. I noticed that she wouldn't respond to things when I said flirty sexual things.

 

Yesterday I simply asked her how her day was and it started a whole conversation so I asked her to make dinner together this week and she made it a point to tell me that the only thing she is busy with his her son since school started and it's not as if there is someone else in the picture that's taking up her time. Here I have been trying to play the confident jerk role and for some reason I am loooked at at our office like a ladies man even though I never have been LOL. I kind of feel like she might like me which I hope because I like her too. What does it sound like to you guys?