heartbroken

[Hollyj]

I would like to see him one more time so I can say goodbye to him in person.

 

And okay I don't appreciate how insulting you're being. Don't make assumptions about me from a post that I don't already do those things you've suggested for me. I appreciate that you are trying to help me but hammering in hurtful things does the opposite of that so please stop

 

I am not trying to be insulting. I am simply speaking the truth. Where was I insulting?

 

I wish I had had someone say the same to me when I was making every excuse in the book for my ex. All I had to do was look at his actions, and I should have been done.

 

I wish you luck!

[mandy45]

I wasn't thinking it would be a big deal to be exclusive for a few more weeks, he brought it up but it was mutual. He said that he wanted to break up because he couldn't stand hurting me anymore because he wasn't sure when he could move over and because long distance is driving us apart. He said he couldn't stand not being able to be with me in person and didn't want the situation to end up in us resenting each other more.

 

I would really be incredibly surprised something happened with someone else before we saw each other, what he did was not okay but it was out of character and just a drunken mistake. Honestly a peck wasn't really that big a deal to me.

 

But I understand what you're saying, i don't see it as putting myself on hold though because I am no where near ready to put myself back out there anyway

[mandy45]

Hi guys, thanks again for your responses. Just wanted to update cause things are still confusing and also a part of me just needs to vent. So right after breaking up with me he basically wouldn't leave me alone, I hardly ever responded but he would keep texting me until I did. Told me he wants me to feel cherished, loved and confident and that he's a mess right now. Didn't ask how I was but assumed I was doing badly when in reality I've been way more numb to this than I thought I'd be. He wanted to confirm that we were exclusive because the idea of us with anyone else makes him want to vomit. He kept telling me how excited he was to see me, continued calling me pet names and all that while I'm expressing so little interest and barely answering while he's telling me he wants to work on communication between us. It really seemed like he wanted to get back together. He also asked me to talk on the phone a bunch. Then I found out from his friend that he still is confident in us separating because he knows he hasn't treated me well and needs to let go, even though he's actually been a lot more clingy. And that made me really mad. I eventually talked with him on the phone and told him how mad I was and he agreed that he's wrong and said that he's confused and hurting and knows he hasn't been a good boyfriend and then somehow it turned nice again and we caught up and he was telling I'm beautiful and was being flirty.

 

I was still pissed though after this conversation because of course I am haha. And I'm still not answering that much but he texts so much now! And never used to when we were actually together! And he's constantly being really cutesy too, calling me love and saying he wants to cuddle me and how much he loves me and all that. Also when I don't answer he gets mad at me and then gets super irritable. During our relationship he would be at work a lot and hardly text me and it was frustrating but I dealt with it, and now that I'm at work he's mad at me for not talking to him all day.

 

I've had a lot of stress with my family recently that has resulted in me being in a bad financial situation, and I've also been working a new job that I'm not really loving. Meanwhile he has been telling me how amazing his new job is and how much he's making (and we're not together because of this job!) while I'm super stressed about my job, finances and what has happened with us.

 

I'm still seeing him soon and he keeps talking about how excited he is to laugh with me and cherish me, and even asked me if I'd cherish him which I thought was super weird. Basically I'm just finding this whole situation stressful and annoying. We aren't really together but nothing about us suggests that we're actually not together? Plus he started tearing up at just the thought of me with someone else the other day.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation before? I care about him and I don't want him out of my life entirely but this is just bothering me so much. If anyone has a take on this behavior I'd love to hear it and also sorry if this post is kinda jumbled and not super organized. I'd appreciate any insight!

[Hell_On_Heels]

It seems that he doesn't want you with anyone else, yet he's not willing to commit to you, either. I know it hurts, but please examine the idea that he doesn't really want to be with you, but will keep you holding on as long as he can. My parents would refer to that as "I don't want you, and I don't want anyone else to have you."

 

It bothers me a lot that he's so insensitive. He brags about his job and finances when you're struggling with yours? That is not the kind of partner I would want in my life. Are you willing to settle for so little?

[MissCanuck]

I was once in a similar situation, with an ex.

 

Turns out the other woman he'd had his eye on wasn't reciprocating when he was being "cutesy" with me and trying to get me to see him (and sleep with him), but the moment she started warming up to him, he dropped off my radar. He wanted me around at his convenience, but without the label (and subsequent commitment) of being in a relationship. In theory, he could then date or sleep with other women.

 

Maybe that's not the case here, but the hot-cold behaviour is not a good sign. He is being incredibly insensitive by behaving boyfriend-like but still insisting you're not together. That screams "opportunist." He wants the benefits of you without committing to you. I would be very cautious on this meet-up with him, and not expect the lovey-dovey behaviour to continue after you return.