txgirl89 Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. I was in a 3 year relationship with the person who I thought and felt was "the one" for me. We've broken up a few times in the past over silly things and assumptions. In February he initiated a breakup over an assumption that was completely false. Well during the break up we ended up sleeping with different people (I slept with someone he specifically told me he hated, I did this out of spite and hurt) and that really messed us up. We got back together in May for about a month but although we did what we did during our breakup the trust was shaky. We ended up breaking up again in June. Anyway fast forward to last weekend I reach out to him and see if we can work things out indefinitely. I go over and spend the entire weekend with him and it's just like always lots of passion and love. Monday morning comes along and he tells me he went back to his country (Iran) in July and got engaged and it's very complicated, as in he can't just call it off. I've been having a hard time processing that this is the end for us and I feel like I've been cheated and betrayed. How can someone jump to marry someone so fast?? We were so in love with each other, we would always talk about our future together. I just don't understand. I'm wishing this is just a nightmare I'll wake up from. The magnetism, chemistry and connection we had from the moment we first met I've never felt with anyone else. I feel I'll never find that again Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 I think you should focus on your multiple break ups. It was not working! You were not compatible! After, the second break, you should have been done. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 He also sounds like a complete sleaze ball for deceiving you with his current status, and having sex with you. I would be so p@ssed if someone had pulled that crap on me. He's not a good man. Expect better! Link to comment
txgirl89 Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 He also sounds like a complete sleaze ball for deceiving you with his current status, and having sex with you. I would be so p@ssed if someone had pulled that crap on me. He's not a good man. Expect better! But he says he loves me and what he feels with her is so fake. Idk if I believe him or not he still wants to see me and be friends because he says he can't cut me out of his life Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I'll bet my pension check that he was engaged to her the whole three years he was with you. It's the same old story. I'm sorry this happened to you but I'll caution you and anyone else who is thinking of dating a Muslim. He won't marry you if you're not Muslim as well and may not even then if his parents don't approve. Do concentrate on all of your breakups... breaking up like that and getting back together again is natures way of telling you that you're with the wrong man. Block and delete him from being able to contact you and to keep you from contacting him again. But he says he loves me and what he feels with her is so fake. Idk if I believe him or not he still wants to see me and be friends because he says he can't cut me out of his life Words are just words. His actions are what counts and he's gotten engaged to someone else. = Sleaze ball that wants you to be his eff buddy on the side. Link to comment
eidetic Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Take this with a grain of salt, because I am not Iranian -- but traditionally, the families or parents arrange marriage. So if he is back in country, it may be that his family declared it was time for him to marry the person of their best choice. Irrespective of love. Depending how traditional his family is or wants to appear, there may be heavy pressure on him to comply (financially, inheritance wise, public family standing, etc.). I know that even for families living in the west, the family's decisions and how they uphold marriage tradition may hold more weight or influence than the local culture. After three years together you probably know all this directly, but I figured I'd say it anyway, because this isn't about a guy being a sleaze (unless it is). This is about a guy who comes from an old country with an old culture full of family and marital traditions that aren't necessarily noticed or understood by those of us who aren't from the same origins. I hope he gives you a better explanation, as after three years together (or any!!) you deserve clarity, at the very least. If his parents or home elders arranged the marriage, he can't just call it off. It's an agreement between families and the best he can do is balk and refuse, and then potentially lose standing and multiple valuable connections in the home country. People will do this, but it comes at a cost. If he's young or the least passive, or if there are notable benefits to the arrangement, he may be not ready or not clear that going against the home community is even a viable option. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Sounds like he wants to keep you as an affair after he marries her. Some nerve this guy has. If you agree to be his mistress, that's a sure way to guarantee you will never meet a man you could marry. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 After three years together you probably know all this directly, but I figured I'd say it anyway, because this isn't about a guy being a sleaze (unless it is). This is about a guy who comes from an old country with an old culture full of family and marital traditions that aren't necessarily noticed or understood by those of us who aren't from the same origins. To clarify: I just think he's a sleaze for going to bed with the Op when he's engaged to be married to someone else... and he didn't tell the Op this until after he bedded her. Simply being Muslim doesn't make him sleazy. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 But he says he loves me and what he feels with her is so fake. Idk if I believe him or not he still wants to see me and be friends because he says he can't cut me out of his life His actions clearly show that he does not love you. I don't care what he says. Don't be foolish. You are going to end up being his side piece. How can you not be outraged that he was not honest with you? I agree with the other poster, he has probably been engaged for some time. He is also not your friend. He is a deceitful creep. If he loved you, he would be marrying you! Also, your relationship was toxic and had no staying power, that's why there were so many gaps. Link to comment
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