Dating after divorce

[Frenchiegirl81]

I have met someone I like for the first time since my divorce:

 

Me - 35. Left husband after 15 years. No kids. Separated 9 months. Have dated but nothing serious

 

Him -39, married 10 years, 4 year old daughter. Separated a year. Caught wife having innapropriate contact with a work colleague and left her. They are nearly divorced.

 

We have only been seeing each other once a week for 6 weeks. We text every day, as much as each other. We text to update each other on stuff that happens in our life and it feels very natural and no games being played. It is almost impossible to see each other more that once a week when you factor in he has his child 3 nights a week, I travel away with work and we both have busy jobs and social life.

 

We get on really well, have fun, laugh, have loads in common and have agreed we won't pursue anything with anyone else at the moment.

 

However, he is keen to keep saying 'I don't want to rush into anything, I don't want to be pressured into marriage like I was last time'z (I have only just started my divorce so I am not giving that impression!!) He says nice, complimentary things to me and is affectionate when we are together but I definitely feel I am being held at arms length and he is reluctant to give me any sign that we are doing anything other than dating and 'having fun' for now. He had said 'he is scared'.

 

For those that have dated after divorce, I feel such a novice. Is this normal from a guy at this point in his life??

[LaHermes]

Here is the key sentence, Frenchie.

 

"They are nearly divorced.

"

 

This man will need time, lots of it, to process the aftermath of his marriage and forthcoming divorce.

 

He is quite right to say he doesn't want to rush into anything.

 

And you are not yet divorced, (presumably divorce is on the cards?), and you will have much to deal with too over quite a long period of time.

 

Arms' length is good. And yes, he is acting correctly. Completely so.

[abitbroken]

Ok --- neither of you are divorced yet!!

Yup, totally normal to meet someone who doesn't want to commit to you and just sees dating as "fun"...because ....surprise...he can't commit to anyone. He's married. And with a small child--- you never know -- something may happen to bring them back together.

 

I suggest for you not to date until you are officially divorced. For now, go out and do things with female friends. Go to some classes or events that you never did when you were living with your husband and have been wanting to try. You need to develop a strong network so when the time comes when you are free to date, you won't latch on to the first guy you see and you will be choosey.

[HeartGoesOn]

To each their own, but I can't imagine how someone can balance going through a divorce, and dating others at the same time. I understand this is all too common, but why not wait and start with a clean slate and a clear mind?

 

JMO...

[Sportster2005]

It's not a matter of normal, he simply doesn't sound ready. If he's giving off a vibe, believe it.