Not attracted to my gf of 10 months without makeup

[mines]

Maybe OP should do some research on acne. It isn't caused by diet, or wearing makeup or by being "dirty". Sure if you wear makeup that isn't non comedogenic, it could exacerbate the problem by clogging additional pores. However, acne is usually hereditary in nature and even the finest and newest of acne treatments can't cure it. It can sometimes be controlled, and it sometimes fades with age (not always!) and it can be emotionally defeating to have to go through an extensive concealer/foundation/powder process everyday just so that you don't feel like people are staring at you. Seeing a dermatologist isn't a cure-all! First it's very expensive even if you have great insurance (I'm in the U.S. not sure how that works world-wide). The treatments and medications are very expensive too (Accutane sometimes works, not always, and is very difficult to take because you need a pregnancy test/blood draw monthly as the medication causes severe birth defects; and the cost of the medication alone is more than $500.00 U.S. per month, for a 7 month course. That doesn't include the dermatologist fees and lab fees.

 

I know a lot about acne because I've struggled with it since I was 18 and I'm now 54. Still have it occasionally, though lucky to not have scarring. My beautiful daughters have it (courtesy of me, sigh) and we've done Accutane, years of the dermatologist, still doing it, we have tried every medication that exists for acne.

 

Back to the comments about makeup causing acne or making it worse - think about the poor young guys we've all seen with horrible acne. They are not wearing makeup, ever.

 

I agree with the poster who wrote that a person can learn to be less shallow and to have feelings for others based on a deeper level. I agree with her. OP, if you're not feeling attracted to this young lady when she doesn't wear makeup, let her go and please don't tell her it's because of her acne. Please be kind and free her time up for someone that cares about who she is on the inside, and sees that beauty transformed on the outside. That is what true love is......

[LaHermes]

Cutting to the chase, AmericanGuy and in reply to your question in your original post:

 

"I guess what I'm wondering, is it possible to be in a truly happy relationship with someone who you aren't naturally attracted to? "

 

No is the answer.

[Batya33]

I don't know of too many women that keep their makeup on 24/7. That of course doesn't mean they have stopped wanting their husband to appreciate them for who they are. By no means am I saying that we should wipe off the eye makeup and throw on a dirty track suit the minute we get home from work. How about he says she looks great even when she doesn't have her makeup on. *winkz* When he sees her appreciation for him appreciating her in her natural state, he will likely benefit from her good mood.

 

I certainly think it's fine when someone gets all dressed up/dolled up to compliment the person especially if you're getting ready to go out, etc. But not as a manipulative way to motivate the person to do that more often. My husband constantly surprises me -for years now - when he compliments me when I think I look frumpy or the opposite of done up, especially as I get older (almost 51!). I do understand someone wanting to be a healthy weight/fit in part for his/her partner because that's also very often an internal/values thing - the person shows she/he is taking care of himself in part because it's good for a healthy relationship.

Here is what I think is going on OP -you thought you won someone over who was "out of your league" looks -wise - a trophy, arm candy. Little to nothing to do with actual physical attraction/chemistry. Now you see that while she is cute/pretty she's not at out of your league level without makeup on so the bloom is off the rose some. Your "attraction" was more about the out of your league than actual physical chemistry.

 

So, here's the reality for many couples - when you really start adulting -maybe that's an intense job/career, often there is a child involved or perhaps you're caring for elderly parents - you don't always have time to have spontaneous sex and you don't always have time to get dolled up before having sex - maybe not even shower before and you've just worked out. But you want to have a healthy sex life so even if you're not 100% into it/100% prepared - you do it and you hope for the best -meaning that once you get started you'll be glad you did, you'll enjoy it, you'll please your partner and hopefully yourself. That's where you need sustained, basic attraction -not that you're hot for the person 100% of the time or think the other person looks hot 100% of the time - but you're attracted enough and very committed to having a healthy romantic relationship.

 

Yes, there are people who are hot for each other all the time, people who look hot all the time - that might be their focus, what they spend their time on - all the primping/makeup/grooming - I get that there are people like this and my guess is they are the exception more than the rule. So if you want that exception it just might be harder to find. But think about that arm candy/actual chemistry distinction -that might resonate with you.

[Snapdragon]

Oh dear - your attitude IS shallow. I don't know how old you are, but you sound a bit too young to be in a serious relationship. My son is 23 and his girlfriend 24, they have been going out for 6 years now and love each other unconditionally. She is a stunning girl with her makeup on, but also has quite bad acne and feels very embarrassed about her skin when she isn't wearing makeup. We all encourage her to leave off her makeup when she stays with us and we go on holidays together, because despite this she really is a beautiful girl and we don't want her to feel that she has to hide behind a mask when she's with us. My son is oblivious to her acne - he just sees her lovely face and personality shining through. If he told me that he didn't find her attractive without her makeup and would rather she wore it all the time, I would certainly have something to say to him about it.

 

What happens in the future if you get married and your wife has a baby? Will you feel repulsed by her because she's put on weight and got stretch marks?