Okay....Now what?

[CrystalDawn]

I'm alright I guess wanting to die though, eveything seems to be my fault. I know I've given alot of advice and some of it hasn't been to good I only hope that I haven't killed anyone. I'm here because I can't sleep. I've been trying but I just can't. My mother was taken to the hospital not to long ago because she passed out three times in a row. Still not sure what's wrong. I just don't know how much longer I'm going to last.

[sadCara]

Hi there,

 

I am so sorry for your mother. I can't say what is going on with her, only the doctor could.

 

Please don't do anything you really don't want to do. Suicide is not a way out, you need to deal with your problems. It may help you if you don't think about yourself, help others. It would help you to get outside yourself. Life with many good things, the small bads sometimes cast a shadow over everything. But it's just a shadow, the good things in life are still there. Please don't give up hope. Everything will be alright in time, you will see. (Big HUG)

If you need to talk to someone, pm me.

[shmity72]

don't off yourself! that would be cowardly. I've survived countless death threats only to be craveing it myself. know this: that some day, years from now you will thank me. and that old lady you help accross the street tomorrow will thank you too.

[nebbish]

good morning crystaldawn

 

as a person, you have value. period.

 

everything is NOT your fault. there are a whole lot of contribuitng factors to any event, and maybe you can't see them all. but if you're down and depressed it may seem like that. but life is way too complex.

 

my mother had a chronic illness for decades. sometimes she would be hospitalized, sometimes not. cancer took down my dad in three painful months.

 

at 17 you have a long life ahead of you and although that life is going to have pain in it it will also have happiness. there are things in life you have yet to experience that are more painful than you know: but even the most painful of those is nothing to when your baby smiles at you for the first time or your preteen daughter makes a heads up responsible moral decision. or when you chase off the first boys who are sniffing around your daughter

 

if you off yourself, how will you know how it feels when a toddler, full of absoulte trust we have only for a few years, places their hand in yours ready to face anything only because they are holding your hand?

 

there is an old jewish saying that we are not commanded to complete the work, but neither are we free not to work. the key for you is to hang in there.

[CrystalDawn]

Most don't even try to understand I've found that out. It's the same here you say all this stuff about those that come here as a last resort to get help before they commit suicide and all you do is call them names (I'll expand on this subject in another post) anyway I don't like being called cowerdly or anything like that....so knock it off. Now I'm still feeling the same way even more so now. My bf is trying to get a second job and I don't even have one on top of this my mom's getting worse and a friend of mine seems to have given up on just about everything.

[Starless]

Hey,im really sorry to hear about your situation.I hope it gets better,you sound like an extremely intelligent girl(i've seen some of your posts)The world would suffer an extremely big loss if you killed yourself,not only that but you would lose your one chance at life.there's not a reason in this world for a person to kill themselves,no price can be put on a human life.I feel the same way when things go bad,i seem to blame myself.but you should'nt do that,there's some things in life we cannot control.That includes diseases(i have a major one myself)Be there for your mom,help her through these hard times.Maybe on you free time you can go look for a job if you want?the classafied ad's in your paper should be a good place to start.And yes,i too have a friend who just seem's to have given up on life.It's best to try and help motivate them into going out and doing something with there life,help them out.If they dont listen theres nothing you can do(i have a stubborn friend who i have told to do stuff with his life for 5 years,he NEVER listens)sometimes people are just like that.if the dont wanna do it,they ARE not goona do it.Anyway what im saying is just try to stay strong through the bad times,you shouldnt give up you have a lot to live for,you even have a boyfriend who im sure cares for you deeply.You can do anything you set your mind too,so my suggestion is to say to yourself that im goona get through this.I hope it works out for you,drop me a pm if u ever need someone to talk too.

[thisisnotanexit]

hey,

hang in there, you're gonna be ok. life is hard sometimes, believe me i've had these same feelings. but believe me, suicide is NOT worth it. you're NOT going to feel like this forever. i'm your friend, and you know what a wonderful person you are. you are so talented, smart, caring and just a special person. i would miss you so much, and you would be throwing away so much if you gave up now, really. i wouldn't lie to you, i'm your friend. growing up is hard, but i promise very soon there will come a day when you feel much better. you're so young, don't give up now. it's really not worth it. for now try to do things that make YOU happy. watch good movies, listen to good music, hang out with friends, TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT HOW YOU'RE FEELING, write, read, exercise, take a walk (it's supposed to help depression). you know, try to occupy your time with things that make you happy. we're all here for you here. we all care about you. you're a special person in our eyes. please just hang in there, you are going to feel better. and again, don't be afrad to talk to more people about the way you are feeling. they are there to help you. remember, you are loved! please don't give up, you've got so much life left to live. if you ever want to contact me, email me at email removed or aim - idioteque182 or msn - email removed or yahoo - silverchair7983

 

you're not alone! PLEASE check out these sites, they really help

 

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take care!!

[CrystalDawn]

yes I'm alive. But things are getting crazy so I may not be around much if at all for awhile. But don't panick I'll return as soon as possible. Family issues need to be adressed first.

[Starless]

thats good that your addressing your family issues and figureing them out,keep us informed on how its going.hope everything works out for you

[CrystalDawn]

I'm back, no idea how long though. Oi things are so crazy. My grandpa has cancer and has been given about four months to live.....My grandma on my mom's side is in the hospital still but she's doing alot better. Amist all of this. My bf has decided to hardly talk to me. I'm totally loseing it. I could easily slit my wrist right now. This is just all way to much for me to deal with.

[thisisnotanexit]

hey,

i'm so sorry. life can get tough sometimes, and i know you're stressed, but please don't give up. you're young still, and life is going to change a lo for you. it's hard now, but you can get through this if you just don't give up. i know you, and you're a great person. you're talented and wonderful. you're going to go far, just don't give up. i'm so sorry about your family, but try and be there right now for others, especialll your grandfather. my grandfather had a heart attack and my grandmother had cacner, so i know it's hard. but you will grow from this. just hang in there. you're a great friend, and i want to help you as much as i can. don't give up.

 

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[Starless]

im really sorry to hear things have not gotten better,try to stay strong through these trying times.I know its hard but your not alone in your fight about something like this.I myself have a lot going on in my life too and sometimes it does feel like it isnt worth going on,but then i think of my friends and family and how much commiting suicide would hurt them and how much suffering they would go through by losing me.please dont give up,theres hope that things will get better.its just goona take some time though.I think your an incredibly strong person to deal with all this,please stay strong and keep up the fight.you can always pm me or e-mail me if you need someone to talk too,ill will be the ear who listens.hope it gets better for you,i really do.

[CrystalDawn]

There is no things getting better they only get worse. It'll be better for everyone when I'm dead. I don't know what I'm waiting for honestly. I'm hopeing to talk to my bf. He gets off work at ten thirty. He my lifeline without him I wouldn't even be here right now.

[nebbish]

in reading your earlier posts, i'm curious who here called you cowardly or any other name?

 

you're pretty young and we're not: we have life experience that you don't have (and if you off yourself will never have). we know that everyone goes through bad times. we have seen low points both in our own lives and in others near to us. some of us here have lost more than you think or understand (and if you off yourself, will ever understand). but at the end of the day we are still here encouraging you with the results of our own endurance and perseverence.

 

havew you sought professional help? is there a counselor or someone you can go to to talk face to face about?

 

try to get around your own pain and recognize what value there is in benefitting from the experience of others.

[thisisnotanexit]

don't give up

 

you're such a wonderful person. you're going to go far in life, just dont give up.

 

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[thisisnotanexit]

keep talking to us and don't give up. you're going to get through this. jus take a deep breathe and know that you're going to beo k. you're going to get through this. i'm your friend and wouldn' t lie to you. i believe in you - you're so special

 

go here, there are great people to talk to

 

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[thisisnotanexit]

i'm just glad you're still with us - and i want you to stay with us, please.

[CrystalDawn]

I'm still here and I'm still wanting to die. No one knows this of course. My bf couldn't really talk to me last night. And hasn't answered any of my messages today. I'm honstly loseing it. If all goes as planed I won't be around by the end of next week.

[thisisnotanexit]

don't give up. your bf is busy, he will be able to talk to you again soon. life isn't fun sometimes, believe me, i know, but you can get through all this. you will see. you're a great writer and a great person. you do have a lot ot live for. DON'T make any plans like this - just keep going and remember that you can get through this. i'd really miss you and i would be really hurt. just hang in there, please. try to make yourself happy right now. write, watch movies, read, keep yourself busy, TALK, etc. we're all here for you and you know im here. take care and don't give up

 

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[CrystalDawn]

I can't deal with it anymore. Today's mine and my bf's aniversery I might be able to talk to him sometime to day. I guess I'll stick around for awhile and see what happens.

[thisisnotanexit]

awesome, we're all here for you

[CrystalDawn]

Hello again, sorry I haven't been replying much. I just don't know what to say anymore. I'm supose to help but I don't know that I can. I'm wondering if things will get better or if I'm just trapped and unable to excape. It's kind of strang but in a way I feel that I deserve it. Memories come back so fast now. I can't believe half the stuff I've done. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've hurt so many people.

[thisisnotanexit]

i bet you've helped more people than you've hurt. you've helped me. you've helped me see that there are nice people out there who truly care. you've given me some hope in this life. yo'ure a great person. we all make mistakes sometimes, but nothing is worth ending your life. hang in there, you will get through this. i'm here for you! take care

[CrystalDawn]

Things just keep getting worse. I hate this I want out....I need out. This so is not fun anymore nor is it fair. My bf's still sick....He can't aforde to see a doctor and it's sounding pretty bad. I want to help him but I can't. My mom won't let me until I find a job and by then it could be to late

[thisisnotanexit]

life isn't always easy, but your bf needs your support right now. and one day when you really need him, he will do teh same for you. yall need to be there for each other. i know it's hard, but you really are wanted more than you think. you help more than you know. keep hanging in there and doing all youc and, it really is more than you think. things will blow over, just continue to be the strong wonderful person i know you are. take care and hang in there! i'm here for you, we all are