minamimisha Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 So there is a lot in this situation that's my fault. I've dug myself in a nice hole, and I'm well aware of it. But dwelling on regret won't help, I'm looking for a solution in my current situation... My bf and I are both in our mid/late 20's. We've known eachother for 5-6 years but never pursued anything due to living long distance (about 265miles.) My parents liked him, so they offered to let us save money and live in their pool house COST FREE. So the whole thing was a bit rushed, not smart, I know I know, but there was no other way except to be in a long distance relationship, and I'm not for that. Well, the first month was awful, he took it extremely hard because it was such a big change for him, new city, new job, far from his friends and sister, so I totally understood. He would complain constantly about how much Los Angeles sucks, the people suck, the roads, how much better his hometown is etc etc. That month became 6 months. He had been cold, withdrawn, unhelpful, very ungrateful and basically just absent. It felt more lonely than being single. I still tried to be understanding... 6 months became a year, and I told him this isn't working for me. I need someone who is present and wants a relationship, and it seems like I'm holding him hostage here or something... The waterworks started and he begged and pleaded, said he would stop being self centered and be present. It was hard to believe because he would leave a mess behind for me to always clean in the entire place and is a depressed person who does nothing but complain. I told him he seems miserable, which drains me completely, and he doesn't have to lie to himself. He still would not accept it, and so I went away for the weekend at my brother's house to have some space. When I returned, he became extremely needy and paranoid. I gave him a chance, and though he had improved, most of it fizzled out and he withdrew again. He's also a hypochondriac, and a bad one. One mole he had on his back sent him into a frenzy, constantly googling diseases and making doc appointments, paranoid as can be, which further dragged him into his self centered bubble. He'd leave more messes for me to clean up once again, and was depressed and complaining... I told him that's it, I've had it, this is just not working and he needs to go back to his hometown where he was happier. Ofcourse, the tears started and the begging and pleading. Then he promised once again he would be more present and he's sorry etc etc. That's where I am now, and at this point, over a year has passed and my feelings have slowly fizzled out. I don't want to be in a relationship at all anymore at this point. He guilts me most with saying he'll basically be "homeless" if I break up with him because he has very little in his savings, and nobody to move in with back in his hometown. This puts me in a very horrible situation, because I have too much empathy and his guilting works, even if it's manipulation. I don't have the heart to throw him out on his ear, but is that the only way? I even have thought about helping to pay for his move just to get it out of my hair. But having to be around him crying and all during the process is what scares me... What should I do? Link to comment
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