No closure

[Citycoun]

A month ago my ex broke up with me on the phone. We never fought and if we did it was for an hour and we would call and apologize before going to sleep. This night I was out with a cousin and his friends (much older 40s) I am in my early twenties. I drank a lot and I told him I was going to go to one of the guys house who has a gf with my best friend and other people we have met. I was upset because he was acting like I would hook up with someone. he broke up with me on the phone. I was devasted and went by his house at 1 am (huge mistake since drinking). He got up and slammed doors screaming like I've never seen him before. I woke up I was deleted and all our photos were deleted off insta, fb etc. he refused to talk to me in person and answer my texts. I gave him space (we work together) but I couldn't sleep because there was no closure.

 

I asked him at work if it was possible for us to meet up for just 10 minutes and discuss what had happened and what went wrong. Instead of him agreeing to talk in person he text me and said he would call me. Honestly I just wanted to apologize and tell him I was wrong and I should've respected him and not gone to the guys house. But instead it was a 55 minute conversation of him screaming at me and him yelling you don't deserve to hear me angry he then said by me not speaking to them for one day and or trying to make contact that I was trying to be competitive and win and he got over me in those 24 hours.

 

We were together almost a year. During the conversation on the phone he kept we need to see where it goes down the road no false and repeated this 10x. He also said that he was done with second chances and I asked him what second chance should I get and he said you don't get a second chance but my ex-girlfriend it when she cheated on me with my two best friends and I took her back. The next day at work and one of the girls asked me how he was and that he snapped her back that morning. I went up to him at work because I had to get my stuff from his car and I said have a good day snapping "Rachel". He then text me and said I didn't snap her I must accidentally Snapped her.that whole afternoon he kept texting me like we are best friends again.The next day he came in and told me his phone had broke and that if I try texting him he was in ignoring me.I keep thinking is why are you telling me we don't go out you don't have to explain yourself.

 

He then asked a few days later we can be friends I told him honestly I don't think I can be friends with you yet. At that point we stop talking for almost 2 weeks. I had to get the rest of my stuff from his car One day and text him saying I'm going to grab my stuff from your car after work I didn't leave it for him having to respond he responded back no problem I said thanks he then brought up The story of a little boy asking for me at work because we work with kids and have a little boy said how much he loved it. That day he kept texting me talking about work and everything and he even apologized for making things awkward at work. He said he thinks we lost who we were when we were going out and that we need to find those people again. He then said he would like us to be friends and See where it goes down the road.

 

told him I can't be friends with you right now if you just want to be my friend because you feel bad that you already hurt my feelings don't do me any favors if you want to be friends because you think there's a future there and it's the timing was off or we need a little time to grow up that I'll suck it up and be your friend he then responded " we don't know what the future holds like right now no I don't see us getting back together but how are we supposed to know what will happen down the road we need to let it ride out and get back to normal in and get rid of the awkwardness and then we can hang out and see what happens. I said honestly I don't think I can do that if you don't think there's a future and you just want to be my friend so you don't feel guilty of hurt my feelings I'm out . Then you said you make me make a decision right now like I can't make a decision right now we don't know what the future is. I left it as fine we'll be friends.a few days later he comes in to work hands me a coffee and offered me half his bagel. A bug with my hair outside and he then walked up to me and took the bed out of my ear without asking me and inside during break he walked in with three bags of snacks for me without me asking. We talked fine like nothing was wrong at work and got along.

 

The next day was his birthday the hardest day for me so far I didn't want to text him but I did because we had such a good day being friends the day before. I text him happy birthday but then a friend text me and said wow so weird I thought he did his ex he's been licking all her photos on Instagram. At this point I was really upset because all he kept saying was how important it was for us to have a friendship yet he's on Instagram and he re-added his ex that all he did was talk crap about when we went out and how much she hated her. I called him out and asked why our friendship didn't mean as much and he said I'll add you back on Instagram .and I don't mean mistaken drunk dialed him twice but he didn't answer and I told him that I pocket dialed him in uber. The next day he text me and said we can't be Friends, because I'm jealous and I called him twice and that he didn't like a quote on my Instagram about guys waking up and realizing that they lost the girl who would've done anything for them. He said it was a low blow and that he wanted a friendship not a burden. I apologize to them the next day at work and said he was right I shouldn't of got upset about and being friends with her on Instagram and I let my emotions get the best of me.

 

A week past and we didn't talk until yesterday. I was just talking about TV shows and how I had a few interviews coming up. I notice he became friends with a coworker on Facebook. The two of us of been friends as well. She shared with me how she was having a rough summer with someone she was kind of dating. I told her my summers been pretty rough to since the break up. The next day I liked her status that to do with what are ideal date is. I commented it agreeing. I noticed my ex liked the status. I asked her just to be honest with me since we are friends if he was talking to her and that if she was interested. She said honestly know he did tell her that she looks nice in the photos but that was it she was asking him about work but then as we were talking she said he messaged her and asked her to go out with him and his friends.I realized that after seeing he liked her status he had blocked me off Instagram and Facebook (we weren't even friends on either). She said she's been blowing him off and saying she's busy because she's not interested in that she even mentioned at work that she was talking to someone. I'm just really confused because it seems like he's playing games or mixing else has anyone had a situation similar what do you think I should do

[IAmFCA]

I think you will be happier with someone else, later, and that you will be happier when you stop trying to figure this guy out or win his approval.

 

Also, repost using paragraphs. For most, TL; DR otherwise.

[SherrySher]

Jeez, you've got better eyes than I do. I honestly can't read this without starting to get a full on migraine. No paragraphs.

[Citycoun]

Sorry! I fixed it!

[SherrySher]

Thank you!

[SherrySher]

I will tell you truthfully, you two sound like you work as friends but not a bf/gf. You fight way too much and don't trust each other.

 

You keep hurting each other when you try to be more than friends. But as friends you are okay. I think that's all you should expect and should be okay with.

[ThatwasThen]

Honestly I just wanted to apologize and tell him I was wrong and I should've respected him and not gone to the guys house.

He went bat **** crazy on you for going to a persons home with your COUSIN? Wow.

 

You are so much better off without someone who is still processing the damage that his last relationship did to him to the point where he verbally abuses you.

 

This is NOT the guy you would be spending the rest of your life with because in time, his unprocessed anger and mistrust would drive you away anyway so it's just as well that your broken up.

 

Be professional at work but don't ever allow yourself to be demoted to 'just friend' from that of girlfriend/lover/friend/partner.

 

You can do better then him in boyfriends and just friends. That's where you get your closure ~ knowing that.

[HeartGoesOn]

A bug with my hair outside and he then walked up to me and took the bed out of my ear without asking me and inside during break he walked in with three bags of snacks for me without me asking.

^

What does this mean?

[Citycoun]

He was acting like we were like together still. Thinking of getting food for me when it was my break at work

[boltnrun]

^

What does this mean?

 

I know, right? A bug in her hair and a bed in her ear?

 

I'd stop bringing up personal issues at work. And realize whose stuff he "likes" on Instagram and who he "friends" is irrelevant.

[IAmFCA]

He went bat **** crazy on you for going to a persons home with your COUSIN? Wow.

 

You are so much better off without someone who is still processing the damage that his last relationship did to him to the point where he verbally abuses you.

 

This is NOT the guy you would be spending the rest of your life with because in time, his unprocessed anger and mistrust would drive you away anyway so it's just as well that your broken up.

 

Be professional at work but don't ever allow yourself to be demoted to 'just friend' from that of girlfriend/lover/friend/partner.

 

You can do better then him in boyfriends and just friends. That's where you get your closure ~ knowing that.

 

I agree with this, in full. You have control over closure, by realizing that you are trying yo placate him as a result of hid outburst anf continued rejection/mixed signals.

 

Life is so much nicer without worrying about someone's temper. His temper is his problem and is not your responsibility. You DID NOT make him behave this way. He chose to.

 

You have the power to choose a life of happiness. This isn't it. Trust me, been there. Close out your idea of him as an option; he isnt one.

[TulipTrees]

It is really hard to be friends with someone you just broke up with. So you need to cut things back to just be pleasant at work but no seeking him out or looking at his online accounts. Tell him you both need some time before your try to be friends or it will just be more drama and affect your job. He sounds too volatile and immature to try to date and work together at the same time. Too jealous and possessive too so distance yourself.