Whats worse? My ex and I want to know.

[robin13]

Okay so I kissed a girl on the lips when I was 18 two years when drunk. Then In ibiza last summer I again got drunk and two girls came onto to me they kissed me on the face but I pushed them away. my ex and I broke up. She knew how much I loved her. She was ing another guy a few months later going home with random guys.

 

So what would you rather your partner to be to have done? kissed one girl when young and stupid and have another two come onto you but you push them away, or have them ed by multiple guys while you were not doing anything to prove your loyalty to your ex and while she lied to you saying she wasn't ing anyone.

[HeartGoesOn]

Please use proper grammar when posting. "ing" and "ed" are not words, and are difficult to understand.

[boltnrun]

Those are edited curse words. The site automatically removes curse words.

 

OP, didn't she sleep with those other guys AFTER you were already broken up??

[HeartGoesOn]

^

I know, but evading the filter is not allowed, and is against the forum rules, as well.

[Ophelia13]

They weren't "evading the filter". They typed the words and the filter did its thing.

 

To the OP:

I think for me personally, I'd rather find out my partner kissed someone else while drunk etc. than find out that they lied to me/were being unfaithful. Both would upset me, but being lied to is a dealbreaker.

[Honeycomb8]

She effed guys when she wasn't with him. There is nothing wrong with that (maybe on a moral level yes but anywayyy) while kissing someone while you're with someone else is cheating. So I'd consider the former worse.

I don't do casual sex but she's a free agent so it's not terrible.

Her lying about it was not great, but then again she doesn't owe you anything since you're broken up.

[mustlovedogs]

You know what's worse? Playing petty games to see who's worse.

[catfeeder]

It makes no sense to invent a contest as to which ex is the bigger villain, because the key word is 'ex'--so it won't get you what you want, if you even know what that is.

 

Whoever initiated this breakup wanted out. Period. Whatever trumped up reason was used doesn't matter, because it was just a device to get out. Another reason it doesn't matter is because, all relationships being voluntary, neither partner 'owes' the other the misery of remaining in a relationship that the other wants to be out of.

 

So temper tantrum aside, figure out what you're actually trying to accomplish by elevating the villain status of ex, and recognize that doing so will NOT get you what you want. Then you can pipe down and focus on what IS actually in your best interests instead--reaching for your best dignity, healing and making it a private goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, by your resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous life for yourself.

 

Ex-bashing might feel like a shot at remaining attached, but it'll have the opposite impact. It will make you feel like a worm for zero payoff, so skip that. It might seem like negative attention from ex is better than no attention, but think again. If you dive off of her radar, you get to keep your pride, and your patience and focus will attract her curious attention as she hears from others that you're doing well. She'll wonder what you've been up to instead of knowing the worst about you as you come unglued and fight with her like a toddler.

 

I'd pick option A.

 

Head high.