Am I being unreasonable or is he..

[TheRawTruth]

Here are the facts

 

#1: You are not of great importance to him. (This is evidenced by the fact that he still gets on social media and hangs out with FRIENDS while upset, but WON'T hang out with YOU.) Pretty simple. He sees you when it's convenient.

 

#2: You knew he was "closed off" so to speak beforehand. (People love to get mad about things they ALREADY KNEW about. Can't do that.) You either accept it completely, or walk away from the nonsense. (He kind of sounds like a child.)

 

#3: You are not his girlfriend. (You want him to treat your relationship like a...RELATIONSHIP, despite you guys being casual friends who "date" at best.) Understand that he has no REAL obligation to you, as crappy as that may seem. If you want more, get it from a guy who's willing to give it. (Or at LEAST respect your time.)

[Hell_On_Heels]

On another note, I really dont know how to deal with these insecurities. I had counselling for a while but it never lasted long enough to actually help and I can't afford to go private. He has already said we will never end up together, which I was fine with, I never wanted a relarionship either. What I didnt realise is what we had would last this long, and neither did he. This is the longest he has even "been" with a girl so its new territory for both of us. At this point I think I do want a relationship, but I'm not interested in finding anyone else.

Ive mentioned it once, and he dismissed the idea of it so I let it be.

 

Dealing with insecurities isn't as terrible as it seems. We tell ourselves all kinds of stories, and then act or feel based on those stories. In your paragraph above, your story is that you don't want a relationship with this guy, and then you change it saying yes you do want a relationship. Your story is changing with every reply, like you're squirming and battling to get away from something that you don't want to face or admit.

 

You are creating excuses rather than solutions.

 

I understand that you have abandonment issues, and insecurities. The first step to overcoming that is to admit it. Abandonment issues aren't bad or good, they simply are. It doesn't make you a bad or weak person to have them. You'll know you've accepted it when you can say out loud that you have abandonment issues.

 

Next step is to accept the emotions that come with it. Sometimes you're going to feel lonely, scared, sad. These are only emotions. It's not a real life event like being seriously sick or losing a job. Feelings are powerful. But they're still only feelings. So when the sadness or loneliness comes, sit down and let it happen. Go ahead and feel it. Simply say to yourself, "Wow. I am so sad. I feel really lonely." And that's it. Feel it. Name it. Do nothing.

 

Feelings, like weather, always pass. Give yourself time and space to let them pass. I don't mean wallow, or examine it, or anything else. Just sit, name the feeling, and let it fade.

 

And then go reward yourself for surviving it with no harm done to you or anyone else.

 

Here's the thing - emotions will not kill us. They don't even harm us. It's the actions we take trying to escape or deny our feelings that hurt us.

 

You are holding other people responsible for your pain, and you're getting hurt when they don't do what you think you need. This will drive people away from you. Isn't that the exact opposite of what you truly want?