I've been seeking guidance for a few years and I've found none.

[oscuro]

I've sought professional mentorship for a few years now. No one has been willing to take that role. I should broaden my scope to maybe life coachy guidance and save up some money for that. The bottom line is that I have been looking and I am shocked it has produced no results. I am probably naive for being shocked.

 

What's funny is that I am a lowly adjunct professor at a community college and I do offer guidance to my students. They do ask for professional help and occasionally personal matters come up as well. I presumed I could look outward to find assistance for myself but... I'm not sure where.

 

I'll skip all the stresses I'm dealing with. Let's just say my life sucks and I barely have a career that barely keeps my head above water even though I am too educated.

 

I want to fix things. My career, my life, my terrible attitude. Suggestions on where to turn to? Is Tony Robbins worth the time? Are there career mentorship programs that ACTUALLY talk to you? Recommendations on how to find a professional mentor or something?

 

I have no idea what to do anymore.

[LaHermes]

Oscuro.

 

It is not surprising you find yourself in this predicament given your domestic situation.

 

You have bitten off more than you can chew. That's the plain fact of the matter.

 

I don't think career mentorship is the path here. Consult with some one individual or organisation that can help you to resolve your difficulties.

 

Start maybe with a social services helpline which may be able to signpost you towards what you need.

 

Meantime, maybe it would be a good idea to ditch the Mother Teresa modus vivendi.

[oscuro]

Uh. Well I am also seeking life coaching as well. I need guidance and small step advice on how to change my life situation. I want to learn how to better handle these things and make decisions. Additionally, my non-career has been a problem for years now. I'm not sure why you would just dismiss my claims like that. It's been a problem before my mother moved in.

 

Regarding my mom, we've talked about it on the other thread. I think I've expressed that I am trying to find a solution for that.

[mustlovedogs]

What exactly do you want out of a mentor? Someone to give you career guidance or life guidance?

 

For career guidance, speak to other professors - or alternatively, do what you suggest your students do.

 

Reach out to recruiters or temp agencies if you want a new job.

 

For life advice, what do you feel is lacking?

[Starlight925]

Oscuro, I hadn't read your other threads, but a quick scan, and I can see where LaHermes is coming from.

 

You have an awful lot of trouble on your plate. Your mom isn't just something "you talked about on the other thread"; she's a living, ongoing toxic problem.

 

When you add in the problems you have relative to the other threads (just reading the titles: father is a sex offender, brother-in-law is down & out, trouble in your relationship), it's no wonder you're having professional issues.

 

It would be awesome if we could separate each issue into little Tupperware compartments, snapping each lid closed when we wanted to deal with another one. But life does not work that way. All of these issues intermingle and yes, they cause you issues in your professional life. Because they are taking up brain space.

 

Tony Robbins stuff is great, but that's not a fix-all for your issues. I've been through the Tony Robbins books and tapes, and here's $500 in a nutshell:

1) Write down your 3 biggest problems

2) Pick your biggest one

3) Write 3 action plans that you think might help solve that issue

4) Pick the one that you think would help the most

5) Write 3 things that you think will help you along with that action plan

And so on, until you actually start DOING the things on your action plan. And that's where Tony Robbins says most people stop. Which keeps him very rich.

 

And while a Professional Mentor might be nice down the road, I think you could benefit from professional therapy, to enforce these boundaries that need to be cut.

[oscuro]

What exactly do you want out of a mentor? Someone to give you career guidance or life guidance?

 

For career guidance, speak to other professors - or alternatively, do what you suggest your students do.

 

Reach out to recruiters or temp agencies if you want a new job.

 

For life advice, what do you feel is lacking?

 

I suppose I haven't reached out to my former professors because I question whether or not we developed a good rapport. There's an insecurity there about my performance as a student and because I was a troubled person in my 20s. Luckily it was in the arts so it wasn't a huge deal...

 

I should muster up the courage to speak more with old professors.

 

My students simply ask me how to start a career. None of them are stuck or plateaued. Many of my students so far have specific goals of which I can offer advice that may not apply to me.

 

Life advice? Alright. Let's see.

 

I've had peers tell me that I should be more successful but I seem to lack the confidence. So I want to find out how to be more confident. I can easily get stuck in negative frames of mind that I've come to understand probably limit my daily life decision making. I've had a very long history of struggling with depression (and suicidal thoughts) over the decades. There some evidence of that in this forum.

 

However on a short term basis, I want to figure out how to better deal with my current life challenges with a better, more positive attitude. I SUSPECT I need to learn to appreciate what I have more while also trying to fix problems that exist. My biggest problem is that I may have a dark attitude. Not sure how to change that.

 

Additionally I hope there are other things I can change about myself BUT I may not know what those things are. I'd like to learn what those things are. That's the kind of life advice I'd like to find.

[mustlovedogs]

I meant your current colleagues, your co-professors.

 

For the dark attitude: I think you need to start forcing yourself to think positive. Whenever you have a negative thought, re-think it. Force it to be happy.

"I hate this traffic -> "I'm glad I'm not in the accident and I'm getting to work safely"

 

"I'm bored at work -> "I'm glad I'm employed. I'll spend some time thinking of new things to do"

 

"I'm bored with my weekend" -> "I will spend some time researching things to do"

 

I used to be super negative and forcing your brain to do this helps a lot. Write positive affirmations around your place. Leave yourself cute sticky notes to find randomly (pockets, wallet, cabinet, under your pillow, whatever). Cut the negativity and force it to be positive. And work to find ways to go out of your comfort zone to try new things.

[LaHermes]

I am NOT dismissing your claims, OP. Why do you say that.

 

It isn't just your mother's situation, but also the other relative who is staying with you and your partner.

 

Perhaps a completely new life situation OP. You are asking for advice and I am trying to provide.

 

Just you and your partner in that small apartment to begin with.

 

and this:

 

"I've had a very long history of struggling with depression (and suicidal thoughts) over the decades. "

 

What do you believe was or is the root cause of these problems.

 

As another poster remarked. Professional therapy, first and foremost, to give you a base from which to launch yourself.

 

 

And:

 

"I want to figure out how to better deal with my current life challenges with a better, more positive attitude.

 

That is exactly what a professional therapist will help you with.

[oscuro]

I meant your current colleagues, your co-professors.

 

I suppose I can have a conversation with them. In a way their careers are different from my pursuits OR maybe I am falsely assuming that. I never intended to go into teaching. I simply do it because it's available. I had other career pursuits. As the saying goes, "Those who can't do, teach."

 

But yes. You're right. There may be some useful knowledge and conversation to have.

 

Regarding positive thoughts. Yeah. Maybe I can think of small simple, positive things to distract me throughout the day. I'll see what that can be. I am a musician. Making music makes me happy. I need to more of that.

[mustlovedogs]

I'm not even talking small simple thoughts. I'm talking about training your brain by redirecting negativity.

[DancingFool]

I suppose I haven't reached out to my former professors because I question whether or not we developed a good rapport. There's an insecurity there about my performance as a student and because I was a troubled person in my 20s. Luckily it was in the arts so it wasn't a huge deal...

 

I should muster up the courage to speak more with old professors.

 

My students simply ask me how to start a career. None of them are stuck or plateaued. Many of my students so far have specific goals of which I can offer advice that may not apply to me.

 

Life advice? Alright. Let's see.

 

I've had peers tell me that I should be more successful but I seem to lack the confidence. So I want to find out how to be more confident. I can easily get stuck in negative frames of mind that I've come to understand probably limit my daily life decision making. I've had a very long history of struggling with depression (and suicidal thoughts) over the decades. There some evidence of that in this forum.

 

However on a short term basis, I want to figure out how to better deal with my current life challenges with a better, more positive attitude. I SUSPECT I need to learn to appreciate what I have more while also trying to fix problems that exist. My biggest problem is that I may have a dark attitude. Not sure how to change that.

 

Additionally I hope there are other things I can change about myself BUT I may not know what those things are. I'd like to learn what those things are. That's the kind of life advice I'd like to find.

 

That's really the thing - when you have specific goals, then you can have specific solutions to whatever challenges you are coming across while reaching for those goals. This is truly critical to success. So there is something for you to learn form the very students you are advising.

 

Make a goal for yourself. Not something broad or vague, like "I want to become fit". It may not sound like a vague goal, but it is. What defines fit really? A concrete goal is I want to run a half marathon in 6 months. Now you have something tangible to work towards and you can design an entire training program to get to that specific goal. And first step is simple - get up before work and walk/jog for 20 minutes. Do it and I can promise you that you will hit a plateau where you really really don't want to get up and don't feel like you are advancing in your training. Guess what? You push through that and keep going and you'll find your second wind so to speak. This same approach applies to work life, career, business, etc.

 

I want a better job is too vague. Define it, what specific job do you really want and then draw up a plan. I will schmooze with x number of recruiters in that industry per month. I will join x professional associations in that industry and actively participate in their meetings. I will make sure to get to know people there and volunteer to do things so that when my resume and my name comes across their desk, they will call me.

 

Everyday you wake up, ask yourself what will you DO today, no matter how small of a thing, that will get you closer to your concrete goal and then DO IT.

 

Saving up money for a life coach is nice and all, but it really doesn't give you the above - it's not a concrete action that gets you closer to your goals. It's a support system. Nice to have, but not necessary to your success. Besides, you can peruse youtube Ted talks for speakers and inspiration. You can check out motivational books at the library, etc. Find quotes that inspire you. At the end of the day, it takes action and only you can do that.

[LaHermes]

Oscuro.

 

Putting a band-aid on something or taking a pill for toothache doesn't address the basic problems.

 

You have to find the courage to change your domestic situation, upon which you will find that matters improve vastly.

[oscuro]

I'm not even talking small simple thoughts. I'm talking about training your brain by redirecting negativity.

 

Well, I'm hoping I can start with baby steps. I believe I better develop habits when starting small.

[oscuro]

That's really the thing - when you have specific goals, then you can have specific solutions to whatever challenges you are coming across while reaching for those goals. This is truly critical to success. So there is something for you to learn form the very students you are advising.

 

Make a goal for yourself. Not something broad or vague, like "I want to become fit". It may not sound like a vague goal, but it is. What defines fit really? A concrete goal is I want to run a half marathon in 6 months. Now you have something tangible to work towards and you can design an entire training program to get to that specific goal. And first step is simple - get up before work and walk/jog for 20 minutes. Do it and I can promise you that you will hit a plateau where you really really don't want to get up and don't feel like you are advancing in your training. Guess what? You push through that and keep going and you'll find your second wind so to speak. This same approach applies to work life, career, business, etc.

 

I want a better job is too vague. Define it, what specific job do you really want and then draw up a plan. I will schmooze with x number of recruiters in that industry per month. I will join x professional associations in that industry and actively participate in their meetings. I will make sure to get to know people there and volunteer to do things so that when my resume and my name comes across their desk, they will call me.

 

Everyday you wake up, ask yourself what will you DO today, no matter how small of a thing, that will get you closer to your concrete goal and then DO IT.

 

Saving up money for a life coach is nice and all, but it really doesn't give you the above - it's not a concrete action that gets you closer to your goals. It's a support system. Nice to have, but not necessary to your success. Besides, you can peruse youtube Ted talks for speakers and inspiration. You can check out motivational books at the library, etc. Find quotes that inspire you. At the end of the day, it takes action and only you can do that.

 

Based on what you're saying there... you are painfully right that I'm not mentioning specific goals. I may have a habit of not having specific goals or forgetting what they are. Occasionally I think I know what they are and then perhaps that changes.

 

Fundamentally I am an artist and musician. People like me are not bound to financial success. So for years I've sought other ways to live/survive and in that process I've been able to develop specific goals--I think. Imagine it like this. You have Plan A which you really want to do but you skip it. So you focus on Plan B which doesn't inspire you. Then you try to think of ways to accomplish Plan B and you're just like "meh". That may be a trap I am often in. Might be where I am often. Telling myself to focus on becoming a competent and successful artist/musician is... daunting.

 

However I feel stuck and stifled doing anything else. I have read portions of "The 7 Habits..." book. I often reflect on its metaphor of a map of life. If you use the wrong map you may reach a destination but it may not be what you wanted. I know I have the wrong map but I also don't know how to get/find the other map that will take me to my real destination.

[DancingFool]

If you skip it, then it's either not what you really want to do or it's not a feasible concrete plan. Rethink. Revise. Make it feasible.

Many people have dual goals that they pursue or even more. You can have music as your passion, write, create, play in gigs on weekends, create your own music video channel, etc, etc, etc. If you are creative, this is truly the golden age of being able to get your stuff out there. Then there is the reality of paying bills. What do want in that department. Make a plan, a goal, pursue it.

 

I will tell you one thing - forget your goal? It's not a goal then, just a vague idea that you aren't committed to. Do yourself a favor and make a small goal for yourself. Something you can accomplish in one week. Give yourself a deadline. Follow through with it. Then do another. Can be as simple as you will organize your music sheets. The point is that you have to get into the habit of achieving your goals and get into that "it feels good, I want more of that" state of mind. It will take practice the same way playing music does take practice.